


The Bell Keeps Tolling

by Mozambique_and_a_dream



Category: Call of Duty (Video Games)
Genre: Non-Binary Bell, Post-Canon Fix-It, after the "good" ending, bell deserves better okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 48,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29497059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mozambique_and_a_dream/pseuds/Mozambique_and_a_dream
Summary: Bell's entire life had been a lie. Everything they thought they knew, everyone they thought knew them, lies. That's where their life was supposed to end. That had been his plan for them at least. Cut all the loose ends, Bell included. So what happens when they don't bleed out that day on the cliff? They can't even remember their own name, much less their past, leaving Bell with one question.What happens now?Authors Note: I was so filled with rage with how this game ended that I decided to take it into my own hands and I haven't stopped writing since. No one ask me why both Park and Lazar are alive, I was just so sad okay
Comments: 36
Kudos: 97





	1. Prologue

I’d always wanted to see the ocean. I’d never been. At least, I think. I wanted to feel the breeze, the sand under my toes, and smell the fresh salty air from the waters. But now that I was here, just above the ocean waters, the only thing I could smell was the scent of copper, the taste of blood in my mouth amplifying it. 

I placed a hand on my side as if somehow that would stop the bleeding, but all it caused was pain. I tried to sit up, he was still here, wrapping bandages around his arm where I had shot him. He was looking away from me, and I still had that knife in my boot, maybe I could still-- 

“Don’t make this harder on yourself, Bell,” he spoke. I clenched my jaw, feeling another surge of anger. With what little energy I had left, I reached for the handle of the blade. Russel Adler sighed, finishing tying a knot on his bandages with his teeth.

I tried to move fast, but I had an obvious disadvantage. His knee collided with my face, knocking me back down to the ground. The smell of blood was even more pungent now as it began to pour down my face. The knife in my hand was kicked away by his boot, which a second later was on my chest, keeping me down. I looked up at him, fighting the tears welling up in my eyes. A wild mixture of emotions was flooding through me, the events of the last few months flashing before my eyes. I wanted to scream. Alder looked down at me, seeing the tears rolling down the side of my face. 

“Oh, c’mon, Bell,” he sighed, sounding annoyed. “You _ had _ to know it was going to end like this.” I opened my mouth to speak, but his foot pressed down harder into my chest, making it impossible to breathe. I squeezed my eyes shut, letting my head rest on the ground. He was right. The second he brought me out here, my gut told me what would happen. I just didn’t want to believe it. I trusted him. Even if the trust was artificial. 

The pool of blood around me was growing, and with each passing second, the spinning in my head grew with it. I felt the weight on my chest from his boot lift, but by the time I had the energy to open my eyes again, there was no one here. I was alone. 

I closed my eyes again, trying to picture something happy or comforting before I went under, but my mind was blank, empty. There was only darkness where my life should have been. I started to wish that he had just shot me in the head. 

Just when I thought I was going to drift off, I heard someone. Maybe he was coming back to finish me off.

“Jesus Christ…” the voice muttered. “ I should’ve known he was going to try this!” Definitely not Alder. I tried to open my eyes, wondering who had come to watch me die, but doing so only made it harder. “Don’t worry,” the voice said. This time, I was able to recognize it. A newfound sense of adrenaline surged through me, my eyes snapping open. 

“N-no--” I tried to speak, wanting to get myself away from this person. I didn’t want to go anywhere with her. 

“Bell, relax,” a second voice said. “We’re not going to hurt you.” I wanted to protest, tell them I didn’t believe them, but it wasn’t like there was anything I could do. I closed my eyes again as I felt a stim being jammed into my stomach. 

The next time I opened my eyes, I was being lifted off the ground. I looked up at the man carrying me and blinked a few times, trying to process. Lazar saw me looking and grinned,

“We gotcha Bell.” 

My vision goes dark again.

I’m back in Vietnam. Alder and Sims are sitting beside me in the chopper, all three of us laughing, joking with one another. I feel like I belong. Like I am supposed to belong, but something about it seems off. A hand is placed on my shoulder. 

“Bell,” Alder says, looking me dead in the eyes. “We got a job to do.”

And then it all goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

The bed I woke up in was very comfortable, the blankets warm and fuzzy. It took a moment for me to recall what had happened, the comfort of the bed making me want to believe that my last memories were false. I placed a hand on my side, hoping that maybe I had imagined the whole thing, but I found myself wrapped in bandages. 

My mind was quick to remember who had been helping me, and I quickly bolted up the rest of the way, ignoring the pain that rippled through my side. Park was the one who had done it all, conducted all of the experiments. If I was with her again… 

I looked around the room frantically. I wasn’t sure where I was, but I knew I needed to leave. Now. Quickly, I jumped out of bed, trying to ignore the nausea and pain I gave myself from moving. There was an IV attached to me, the pole which I used to steady myself before I ripped it out of my arm. 

There was movement in the room next to me, and I cursed; they must have heard me. I looked around again for something, anything that I could use as a weapon to defend myself, but I had spun around one too many times, and I found myself tumbling to the floor, crashing into the bedside table. I was in on my way down just as the door swung open. 

“Jesus Christ, Bell!” Park exclaimed as she rushed into the room. “What are you doing?!” She knelt down in front of me and reached out as if to help me stand up. Instinctively, I tried to move away. 

“D-don’t touch me,” I sputtered, my voice raspy. I put a hand up in protest, all while hiding behind it. I had more memories of it now. What she and Adler had done to me. Maybe they weren’t quite memories, but they were definitely feelings. I tried to back myself up further, away from Park but realized I had nowhere to go. Feelings of panic and fear filled my chest. I tried to hold back a sob, but in doing so, I let out a sound that resembled a whimper. 

“I--” Park started to speak but cut herself off. “I’m not going to hurt you.” Cautiously, I looked back up. She was still crouched on the ground in front of me, but her head was resting in her hands. “Not again.” She glanced up at me with a weak smile. I wasn’t sure what to do. I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of the situation. The wound on my side was now screaming in pain. I put a hand back on the bandages and felt that they were wet; I looked at my hand, seeing it was red. “Let me help you,” Park interrupted my thoughts. I looked back at her, our eyes making contact. “Please,” she said. I shut my eyes again and slowly nodded. 

Park stood up and gently helped lift me back into the bed. I let my head rest on the pillow while she unwrapped the bandaging over the gunshot wound. As the pressure was taken off, more blood began to spill out of it, making me feel light-headed. I definitely had ripped some stitches. 

“Lazar!” Park called over her shoulder. “I need a hand!” A second later, the door swung open again, and Lazar rushed in. “Put some pressure on that,” Park instructed him. Lazar did as told while Park began to rummage through the draws besides the bed. I looked up at Lazar, still trying to determine if he was real or not. 

“Y-you,” I started, recalling the memory I thought I had from that day. There had been no time to grab both of them… Did any that even happen? Or did they just want me to think so? Lazar saw my confused face and laughed a little.

“You think I would let myself die in Cuba, Bell?!” 

“Yes, we know,” Park interrupted, stepping back over to me as she filled a syringe. “You’re ‘one tough son of a bitch,’” she mocked in his voice, causing Lazar to laugh again. Park injected the needle into my arm. “That will help with the pain,” she told me. I slowly nodded. “It will likely also make you tired, so--” I was already asleep before she finished her sentence.

The IV was back in my arm when I woke up. The cold liquid flowing into my arm made my entire body shiver. I tried to adjust myself in the bed, wanting to get more of the blankets on top of me, but moving only caused everything to hurt.

“Cold?” a voice asked from beside me. Lazar. How long had he been sitting there? I nodded in response. Lazar got up from the chair he was sitting in and came up to me, adjusting the blankets and tucking me in. He then put the back of his hand to my forehead and frowned. “Your fever hasn’t quite broken yet…” he said. He glanced over to the clock on the wall. “I can probably give you some more meds now if you wanted. Park said every four hours, but it’s close enough.” I nodded again, not sure of what to say. Lazar offered me a smile and went to grab a bottle from the bedside table. 

“W-where,” I started speaking, my throat still raspy. “Where are we?” 

“Safe House,” Lazar said, filling a needle with the meds. “About fifty clicks out of London.” He injected the medicine into my IV, sending another shiver through me. I thought about what he had just said. 

“How long have I…” I trailed off. Lazar sat back down in the chair and smiled again.

“About two weeks,” he explained. My eyes went wide. “We weren’t sure if you were going to make it.” It was quiet for a moment. 

“What do you want from me?” I asked a few seconds later, sitting up a little in my bed. Lazar looked at me, confused. “I-I served my purpose to you, didn’t I?” This caused him to frown. “That’s why Alder shot me, right? I was no good to him anymore, so--”

“You didn’t deserve that,” Lazar interrupted me. Now I was the one looking confused. 

“Given what you’ve told me about myself, I think I did,” I said this with a small laugh. Lazar only shook his head, 

“But that’s not who you are now.” 

“Still. Why help me?” 

“You saved my life, Bell,” Park’s voice said. She walked into the room with two mugs of tea in her hands. She handed one to Lazar and set the other on the table beside my bed. Lazar took a sip out of his,

“You saved a lot of lives, Bell.” I looked down at the ground,

“That’s not my name,” I whispered. 

“What was that?” Park asked. 

“My name isn’t Bell,” I said, louder this time. Both of them looked at me, each with a look of pity in their eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Park said, averting her eyes. 

“What, uh,” Lazar awkwardly scratched the back of his head. “What  _ is _ your name?” 

“It’s-” I started. I thought for a second. “I-” I could feel my lower jaw tremble as I tried to answer the question. “I d-don’t know,” I finally said, looking back down at the ground. I felt embarrassed. What kind of person forgets their own name?! I looked back up at Park. “Do you…?” She shook her head sadly. “But you-” I started.

“It wasn’t my concern who you were,” she interrupted. “Just who you became…” she trailed off. I found myself fighting back the tears again. I wanted to be angry. To yell and scream at her for everything she had done. What all of them had done. They all knew! 

I wanted to tell the both of them to go fuck themselves and that I would have rathered died than be trapped here with them, but I could see the sadness behind their eyes. The regret. The guilt. There would be nothing that I could say that would add to their pain; it would only fuel mine. I felt a few tears fall out of my eyes, streaking down the side of my face. 

“Don’t worry,” Park spoke up a second later. “It’ll come back to you.” Behind her, I saw Lazar raise his eyebrows. Even he doubted that statement. Park looked between us. “It might! Now that Adler-” I winced at the mention of his name. “Now that no one is around to say the trigger phrase…” she trailed off, looking back at me. “He thinks you’re dead. He won’t be coming after you.” I weakly tried to match the hopeful smile she was giving me. “Try to get some rest,” she finally said, giving me a gentle pat on the shoulder. “We can talk more later.” She motioned for Lazar to get up as well, and the two of them began to head for the door. As they did, I spoke up again, 

“Thank you.”


	3. Chapter 3

_ I am standing in a dark room. There's a window on the wall. I can see snow falling outside. There's someone with me. A boy. He's shouting something at me. I can't make out the words he is saying, but I can hear the desperation in his voice. I look at his face, trying to figure out who he is.  _

_ "Don't go!" he yells, tears streaking down his face. "Please!" He yells my name, but the word comes out distorted, unclear.  _

_ Behind me, a bell rings. _

_ I am in Vietnam. We are just getting onto a helicopter. The boy is still there, in the corner. Sims is reading one of those dirty magazines again. I try to take it, to get a look at it, but Alder snatches it out of my hands.  _

_ "No time," he says. "We got a job to do."  _

_ Another bell.  _

_ My arms are strapped down to a chair. The T.V beside me is buzzings with static as the two people in the room talk in hushed tones.  _

_ "That didn't work," a voice grumbles. "Again." They inject something into my arm and fire up the machine that electrocutes me. The boy appears again. He is still shouting my name, but I can't understand him.  _

_ "What are you saying?!" I yell at him.  _

_ A bell rings. _

I woke up with a jolt, bolting upright. My heart was pounding; I could feel sweat dripping down my body. Beside me sits Park, who was looking at me, eyebrows raised. I took a few breaths, trying to steady myself. Park looked back down at the book in her hands. 

I put my head back down on my pillow, thinking about the nightmare I had just had. I knew by now that I never was in Vietnam, but somehow of all three settings I was in, that one seemed the most real. I shut my eyes, trying to picture the boy I saw, the image already fading. I sat up again. 

"Do you have any paper I can use?" I asked Park. She looked at me, slightly confused, but nodded. She left the room and returned with a small drawing pad, handing it to me with a pencil. Immediately, I began to draw the face from my dreams. 

"What are you--?" Park started, trying to look at what I was doing. 

"I don't want to forget," I explained quickly. She looked as if she wanted to say more, but Park held her tongue, letting me draw.

"I'll go get you something to eat," she decided, leaving the room. As I sketched, I could still hear the boy's voice echoing through my mind. Where had I been going? Why was I leaving him behind? I was so caught up in drawing that I didn't notice Park or Lazar come back into the room until I was nearly done.

"You didn't tell us you were an artist!" Lazar exclaimed over my shoulder, snapping me out of my trance. I looked at the two of them, then down to the sketchpad. It was a very detailed drawing. 

"I didn't know I was…" I muttered, examining the boy. I spun the drawing around so they could see it better. "Do you know who he is?" I could hear the desperation in my voice as I asked. They both shook their heads. 

"Do you know him?" Park asked. I nodded a few times. 

"I think so…" I tapped the drawing a few times with the tip of the pencil. "I had a dream, he was, we were," I tapped the pencil with more force. "He was shouting my name." 

"Really?!" Lazar exclaimed, sounding excited. I shook my head.

"I couldn't understand him," I tapped the pencil again, this time with so much force, the lead tip snapped. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling frustrated. I felt someone place their hand on mine, setting the pencil down for me.

"It's okay," Park said, her voice gentle. She looked down at the drawing. "This is a good sign. You've just got to give it time." I blinked away the tears that were forming in the corner of my eyes,

"Can't we," I started. "Can't  _ you  _ do something? Make it go faster?" Park shook her head. "W-what if you use that, that stuff you'd inject in me like Adler did back at the safehouse, wouldn't that trigger--"

"It's not that simple, Bell!" Park's voice got slightly louder. 

"Not Bell!" I snapped back, my voice much louder than hers. It fell silent in the room. Even Lazar looked like he didn't know what to say. I looked down at the ground, embarrassed for raising my voice. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. I offered Park a small smile and thought of something to say that would change the subject. "Don't suppose I'd be able to have a shower or something?" 

After plenty of debate and consideration, I was able to have a short bath, which was a process in itself. Park had to re-bandage the wound before I got in so I wouldn't get anything wet. A closed-eye Lazar helped me get into the bathtub, who then insisted on sitting on the ground facing the wall, just in case I needed help. Had I not have been so embarrassed about needing help in the first place, I would have found the situation quite humorous.

Once I was done, I made my way to the kitchen of the house we were in, Lazar helping me sit down at the kitchen table.

"You look better," Park noted. "Hungry?" I nodded.

As she got some food together, I began to look around the house we were in. It was small, but it was quaint. I could tell we were really in the middle of nowhere, out the window showing an empty field and a dirt road—a farm of sorts. Inside, the house was decorated rather interestingly. The wallpaper had to have been from the fifties, and knick-knacks of all various sorts were scattered around. A cow cookie jar in the kitchen, a rooster above a small fireplace, an old china tea set in the hallway. 

"My grandmother's place," Park said, sitting down at the table, having noticed me looking around. "We've been trying to sell it since she passed, but," she sighed. I nodded. 

"I thought you said this was a safe-house?" I asked, now looking at Lazar. He shrugged. 

"Not an official one, no," Park explained. "But it's safe," she assured me. "No one knows you're here. Just the two of us." 

"But won't the CI-" I started. 

"Thanks to Alder, the CIA believes you are dead," she grinned a little. "Although,  _ technically,  _ you never existed in the first place." I could tell that the last part was supposed to reassure me that I was safe, but all it did was make the ache in my chest grow. It got quiet again as I started to eat the food Park had brought me. After a minute, I found the silence unbearable, and a question that had been on my mind since I woke up was burning a hole in my mind. I swallowed the last bite of my meal.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I asked, setting down my fork. Park shrugged.

"Whatever you want," she said with a smile. I tilted my head. "I can pull a few strings and get you some papers, a new identity, you can go wherever you want." I nodded a few times, pondering the thought. 

"I don't know where I would want to go…" Park gave me a reassuring grin,

"Well, there's no rush. It's not like you're in any condition to travel just yet. You're welcome to stay here as long as you'd like." 

"Within reason," Lazar said with a wink, causing me to smile slightly. Park rolled her eyes. 

"As long as you'd like," she repeated. "We're going to be due to report back to MI6 in a day or two, so you'll be on your own during the day." 

"MI6?" I asked, looking at Lazar. He shrugged, 

"Got offered a position by someone." 

"And that someone is going to look really bad on your first day if you don't iron out the uniform they gave you…" Park muttered, eyebrows raised. Lazar faked a pouty face, which got a slight smile out of Park. I chuckled slightly as I watched him trudge over to another room in the house, dramatically complaining about his new boss. 

"You  _ willingly  _ want to work with him?" I asked Park, humour in my tone. She laughed. 

"I don't even think he knows how to use an iron," she muttered, standing up from the table. She started to make her way towards where Lazar had gone, but I realized I had one more question I wanted to ask.

"Park?" I blurted, causing her to stop. She turned back around. I rubbed the back of my head, realizing I hadn't fully formed the question. "I was just wondering…" I trailed off. She tilted her head, curious as to what I was going to say. "Was I? Before, you know, I _ was _ non-binary. Right?" 

"Of course," she said with a smile, making me grin a little as well. 

"But then-" I paused again. "Americans don't really believe in that kind of stuff. I mean, I don't know how well I was received back in Russia either, so why-"

"You can't just brainwash someone to being a different gender," she said as if it was obvious. "It was my understanding that the people you worked for didn't mind, they all respected you, so I figured we shouldn't try to change that about you. Not like we would have had any luck."

"How many of them tried to fight you on that?" I asked with a small laugh. Park folded her arms, 

"A few of them alright. But the main goal was for you to avoid questioning the memories we gave you. A gender identity crisis would have certainly set that off."

"Lucky me then," I said. Park opened her mouth to say something more when there was a loud crash from the other room.

"Motherfucker!" Lazar exclaimed. 

"You probably should not have trusted him with an iron," I pointed out. Park looked towards the room Lazar was in and shook her head. She went to see if he was okay, but she looked back at me before she did. 

"I'm glad we kept that part of you Be-" she cut herself off before she finished my name. "No one can take that away from you. Be proud of it."


	4. Chapter 4

_ I am back in that dark room, the one with snow out of the window. It has a little more detail now. I can tell the walls are wooden planks, there's a fireplace in the corner, heating the room. The boy is back. He is crying again, _

_ "Please don't go!" he cries. "They can't make you!" I look down and see a letter in my hands. I can't make out any of the words, but I know what they say. He calls my name again, but like last time, the word comes out distorted. _

_ A bell rings. _

_ I'm cold. We are standing in a field. There's a rifle in my hands. There are people besides me, all of us wearing similar uniforms. A man is yelling at us for doing something wrong. He instructs us to run the drill again, but my hands are shaking from the cold.  _

_ "Worthless!" the man screams in my ear when I miss another shot. "Again!"  _

_ Another bell.  _

_ "Where is Perseus?!" Adler screams in my ear. I try to open my mouth to say something, but the gag in my mouth is suffocating me. I am strapped down to a chair. The room we are in has mirrors on every wall. He asks the question again, still not letting me answer. He grabs me by the hair and forces my head down into the pail of water.  _

_ "This isn't working," Adler grumbles to someone else in the room.  _

_ "Well, maybe if you would give them a chance to talk-"  _

_ "We've got to try something different." The two of them look back at me, and even though he still has those sunglasses on, I can still see the fire that burns behind Adler's eyes. He shoves my head back into the water. _

I woke up gasping for air. 

"You aren't drowning," I told myself. I ran a hand through my hair. Had they really done that to me? 

It was still dark outside. The clock on the wall told me it was about three in the morning. I sighed, wanting to go back to sleep, but the images of my dreams kept flashing in front of me. I looked to the bedside table and noticed the sketchpad was still there. I flipped it open to a new page, sharpened the pencil, and started drawing.

First, I drew the man from the field, recreating the scene from my perspective. Once that was done, I drew the boy again, this time including the added detail I remembered, the fireplace, the letter in my hands. My hand was cramping, but I was unable to stop myself; the feeling of drawing these filled me with the belief that I would remember better. Finally, I drew the interrogation, recalling the reflection I had seen of myself in one of the mirrors as Alder tortured me.

The last drawing was the most morbid. An uneasy feeling went through my stomach as I looked at it. Although, now that it was on paper, it didn't appear on the back of my eyelids when I closed my eyes. Within minutes I was asleep again. 

When I woke up the next time, the sketchpad, which had been in my arms still, was gone. I rolled myself out of bed, the pain from my gunshot wound feeling slightly better today, and went out to the kitchen. As I approached, the other bedroom door swung open, Lazar walking out, dressed in the outfit he had been ironing the day before. I ducked back into my room before he saw me.

He made his way into the kitchen, where Park was sitting at the table. 

"Whatcha got there?" Lazar asked, walking in. I crept a little closer so I could hear better. 

"It appears our little artist was busy last night," Park said. I could hear her slide my sketchpad across the table. I felt myself curling my hands into fists, angry that they were looking at my memories without my permission.

"They're getting more memories back?!" Lazar sounded excited. I heard him flip the page over. "These are really good…" he said. He flipped the page again. "Jesus..." he murmured, looking at the third drawing I had done last night. "Wait. Is that-"

"Yup," Park responded. 

"Fuck..." Lazar sat down at the table. "Did he really-?" Lazar asked, his voice quiet, almost like he didn't want to know the answer. 

I decided I didn't want to hear any more of this conversation and that I wanted my drawings back, so, without thinking, I walked up to the table and snatched the book. They looked up at me, looking surprised that I had caught them with it. I opened my mouth to say something, wanting to express the anger I felt, but I was cut off.

"I'm sorry," Lazar said. It wasn't an apology for taking the drawing. I sighed, deciding to sit down at the table with them. "Did you learn anything new?" Lazar asked me. I shook my head. 

"What about the letter?" Park inquired. I opened the sketchbook open to my drawing of the boy, the one with the letter in my hands. I sighed again,

"A drafting letter." The two of them looked at me, thinking the same thing I had. "That's why the boy was telling me not to go. He didn't want me to…" I thought for a second. "I don't think _ I wanted to _ …" I trailed off. Although I didn't know the whole thing, it was pretty clear where my military career had got me. But how could I possibly have gone from someone who couldn't hit a target to… 

"Do you know who the boy is yet?" Park interrupted my thoughts. I shook my head. 

"A brother, maybe?" Lazar suggested. 

"I don't have any siblings." 

" _ Bell  _ didn't have any siblings," Park corrected. I looked at her, dumbfounded. I hadn't even thought to question that one. I put a hand on my head. 

"It's too early for this," I muttered. Lazar laughed a little and stood up from the table. A second later, a cup of coffee was in front of me. I muttered a thank you and took a sip, letting the caffeine work its magic. "Big day at MI6?" I asked a minute later, looking between the two of them. 

"Quite," Park said. She checked her watch. "We should get going," she told Lazar. He nodded, and the two of them began to walk to the door. Before they left, Park looked back at me. "Don't do anything stupid today." 

"I'll try my best." The front door shut, and for the first time since I could remember, quite literally, I was alone. 

I looked around the empty house, wondering what to do, what Park would consider stupid. It was weird. The two of them, knowing everything about me and who I had been, left me here, alone and unsupervised—an Ex-Russian intelligence agent in the home of an MI6 agent.

"God, Alder would have a stroke," I laughed to myself, taking another sip of coffee. For a brief moment, I considered the snooping that I could do. There had to be some important or classified information around the house. Although, even though I had the opportunity, I had no desire. It's not like I had any purpose, any reason to snoop. Plus, they trusted me. 

That was also scary. My mind immediately went to doubt everything about this. After all, they had led me into a sense of false security before… Was this just another one of their experiments? A test? 

I looked back at my sketchpad, deciding that they wouldn't let me have this if they didn't want me to remember who I was. I thought about how excited Lazar sounded when he heard I was remembering myself. They genuinely wanted to see me recover. I mean, it's not like any of the information I must've known at some point would have been helpful anymore, right? Unless…

"It's not a trick," I said out loud as if maybe I could convince myself. I looked at the sketchpad. "These memories are mine," I assured myself. I flipped the book open, going to the page of the unknown boy. "A brother…?" I asked myself, pondering over what Lazar had suggested. I thought back to a conversation I had back in the safehouse in Germany.

_ "And so my brother-" Woods was laughing so hard he could barely finish his sentence. "He actually convinced our mom that we had been coming back into the house from _ shovelling _!" He laughed again. Sitting with us was Mason and Sims. We were also laughing with Woods, a beer in each of our hands. "Fast forward thirty minutes, we were sneaking out our bedrooms  _ again _ , this time to shovel the fucking driveway at two in the morning, in our fucking boxers!" Everyone laughs.  _

_ "Fuck dude," Sims laughed. "My folks never would've fell for that shit."  _

_ "One time when I snuck out," Mason cut in, still laughing. "My sisters," he shakes his head, taking a long sip from his beer. "They were the ones that caught me. Had me doing their chores for a month so they wouldn't tell mom."  _

_ "Poor fucker," Woods laughs at him. "What about you, Bell?" I look up from my drink.  _

_ "Huh?"  _

_ "Any siblings?"  _

_ "Oh," I say, taking a quick drink. "I-" I cut myself off. The three of them exchanged glances, which I didn't think much of at the time. "Uh…"  _

_ "Bell!" a voice calls from across the room. Adler. He motions for me to come over. As I did, I see him shoot a glare at Woods. "You okay?" I blink.  _

_ "Of course. I just-"  _

_ "You really sure you should be drinking?"  _

_ "This is my first-"  _

_ "I need you at the top of your game tomorrow."  _

_ "Right. Yeah." I set the half-empty beer can on the table. "Sorry." Alder places a hand on my shoulder and smiles.  _

_ "Get some rest Bell. Cause tomorrow. Well," he laughed. "We've got a pretty big job to do."  _

Looking back at that conversation, I felt my blood begin to boil. I was angry at what he had done to me. Angry that the rest of them went along with Adler.

I closed the sketchpad, wanting to avoid feeling any more unpleasant emotions and looked out the window. It was a beautiful day outside. There was a bit of a porch outside the front door with a couple of nice chairs, so I decided to hobble my way over there. 

The feeling of the sun on my face was incredible. Sitting down on one of the chairs, I closed my eyes, fully taking in the feeling of being warm, of comfort. The cottage was pretty much in the middle of nowhere. There was a small farmhouse behind it, and the next closest house was a speck in the distance. It was quiet. Peaceful even. 

My brain started trying to jump to different thoughts—doubt, questioning, and feelings of anger and sadness. But I forced myself away from them, even if it was just for a little, the warmth on my face leading me to believe that I deserved a moment to relax. 

And, oh man, did I need those few minutes.


	5. Chapter 5

Park and Lazar hadn’t returned home from work yet, though the sun was starting to set. I was in the middle of trying to figure out what I could eat, which really just consisted of an endless loop of me opening the fridge, closing the fridge, opening the pantry, closing the pantry, going back to the fridge, and so on and so forth. I was on what was likely the fifteenth time peering into the fridge when in the living room, the phone rang. 

Out of instinct, I walked over to it, fully prepared to pick it up. Then, once I realized what I was doing, I took a brief second to consider it. I mean, what if it was Park? My mind started jumping to all of the possible things that could have gone wrong today while they were gone that the phone went to voicemail. 

“Hey, Park,” the person on the other end started. I heard the voice and felt my stomach drop. “It’s Adler.” Suddenly it was getting harder to breathe. I slid myself down onto the floor, leaning up against the couch as the world had started spinning.“Just wanting to check-in, haven’t heard from you since you got called away right after... You know.” I could feel my heart racing in my chest. Did he know I was here? “I was hoping you had a lead on Perseus,” Adler went on. “Ours dried up. And with Bell gone-” I heard that name, and for a second, I really did stop breathing. “You know how to contact me.” The line went dead. A second passed, and I realized I still hadn’t taken a breath. 

I swallowed a giant gulp of air, my mind replaying what I had just heard. He really did think I was dead. Park had told me the truth. I almost wanted to laugh. Then I recalled what he had said about Perseus. Up until just now, I was under the impression that he had been caught and or killed. We had been in his exact location. Surely they would have… 

“Oh, good, you’re up!” The front door swung open, interrupting my thoughts. “We brought dinner!” Lazar exclaimed, holding up two bags of what looked like Chinese food. He looked over at me; his eyes went wide. “Jesus, you look like you just saw a ghost!”

“Is everything okay?” Park asked, walking over to where I was sitting on the ground. I nodded, 

“You missed…” I found myself struggling for words. I pointed to the phone. Park noticed the voicemail button flashing and tilted her head. She pressed the button, and once again, Adler’s voice filled the room. I brought my knees up to my chest, resting my head on top as the message played again. Once it ended, I could feel Park looking down at me. 

“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” she said a second later. I shook my head. 

“I-it’s fine,” I stuttered. “It just caught me off guard.” She nodded. 

“Hungry?” Lazar suggested from the kitchen, quick to change the topic. Park offered me a hand to stand up, and we sat down at the table. 

“How, uh,” I started, as they started taking out the fast-food containers. “How was work?” 

“Not bad,” Lazar said, a smile on his face. 

“You were okay today?” Park asked me. 

“Yeah, it’s not as sore today. Just when I move around. I thought you had captured Perseus?” I shifted gears so fast that both Park and Lazar looked at me, surprised. Park put down the fork she was using to get food onto her plate. 

“No,” she said. “He got away.” I nodded slowly.

“Oh,” was all I could manage to say. I looked down at my plate, an ache building in my chest as I realized why Park had kept me around. “I don’t know where he is,” my voice cracked as I spoke. 

“Why would you-?” Lazar started, looking slightly confused. Meanwhile, I could see Park trying to hide a look of worry, confirming my suspicions. My heart sank.

“I can’t believe I fell for it again,” I muttered, pushing my chair back and stood up. 

“What?” Lazar asked, looking at me. He then looked to Park, and his eyes went wide.

“It’s not like that,” Park quickly said. 

“Yeah? What is it like then?” my tone was getting angrier. She opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. “What was the plan?” I demanded. “The psychedelics didn’t work so well last time, so you were just going to what, be all buddy-buddy with me and hope that my memories come back naturally?! Use me for any information that may be lurking? Then what? Get rid of me like Alder did?” I was shouting now. “Great! What ocean are we going to see this time before you shoot me?” 

“I-” Park tried to say, but I shook my head, feeling a tear roll down my face. I turned around and started walking towards my room. “Bell!” Park exclaimed, sounding angry as well.

I had never spun around so fast. She was out of her chair now, and before I could think, I had grabbed the front of her collar and pushed her back into the counter. Park was quick to react, kicking me in the shin so that I stumbled backwards. I balled my fist, ready to take another lunge.

“Woah!” Lazar stood up as well, quickly stepping in between Park and me. He put his hands out, forcing us each to take a few steps back. “There’s no need for that,” he said, looking between us. I saw Park slowly lower her firsts. Lazar looked at me, expecting the same. I didn’t budge. “Why don’t we see what she has to say first?” he suggested. 

“Please,” Park added. I sighed, lowering my fists as well. Lazar smiled.

“Now,” he said, motioning back towards the table. I ran a hand through my hair, cautiously sitting back down. The two of them did the same. There was more I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue, looking at Park. A heavy silence hung in the air.

“It was never the intention,” she finally said. I raised my eyebrows. She took a deep breath. “We didn’t save you in hopes that you would have more information for us. We saved you because you deserve a second chance. What we did to you wasn’t fair. Not a day goes by where I don’t regret it.”

“But?” I cut in. She didn’t say anything.

“Park?” Lazar asked. It was clear he was also out of the loop.

“ _ But, _ a few days ago, our last lead on Perseus went cold. I was frustrated, and there is still a chance that you may have something that can help up there, but I wasn’t sure how long it would take for your memories to start coming back.” My mouth went dry. 

“Did you-?” Lazar asked for me. Park nodded.

“Just a small dose. While you were sleeping. I wasn’t sure if anything would happen or not, but sure enough…” she trailed off. I recalled her sitting beside my bed when I woke up after that first dream.

“But you said it wouldn’t work-” I started.

“I know. But I didn’t want to give you more than I already had.” I looked down at the ground, and the room fell silent. I could tell Lazar and Park were exchanging a series of glances. “Bel-” Park started a few moments later. “Sorry. I know that’s not-” she sighed. “I don’t expect you to believe me, but I really do hope you remember more, not for the sake of finding Perseus. You’re a very talented person, I mean, look at your drawings, your cryptography skills...” It went quiet again. I closed my eyes, thinking over everything I had just heard. I sighed. 

“You could have just asked me, you know,” I finally said, a small smile on my face. Park grinned a little as well. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t,” she apologized. I nodded, accepting the apology. 

“I’m sorry I, uh, had a little freak out there…” I said, rubbing the back of my neck, embarrassed that I had created a scene. 

“There’s no need to apologize,” Lazar said, a smile on his face. “Can we eat now?” I laughed a little and nodded, picking up my fork again. 

“But, Park?” I asked as we began to eat. She looked at me. “Can we, uh, keep going? With whatever you gave me?” A concerned look spread across her face. “I want to remember.” 

“If that is what you want.” 

“It is.” I thought back to the boy I kept seeing. “And, if I do remember anything about Perseus…” I trailed off. “I don’t know why, but something in my gut tells me I hated the man long before you changed those memories.” 

That night as I was getting ready for bed, Park came into my room, holding a small vial in her hands. 

“Are you sure you still want to do this?” she asked. I nodded. “There is still a chance of seizures-” 

“I don’t care,” I interrupted her precautions, holding out my arm. 

“Okay…” Park said with a sigh. “Since you are awake this time, it may make you feel a little nauseous,” she explained while sliding the needle into my arm. I nodded, plopping myself onto the bed. “Let me know if you need anything.” 

_ I am sitting alone in a small room. I am nervously tapping my foot on the ground, my palms sweating. The room is nice, the chair I sat in was cushioned, and the table I sat at was a dark coloured wood. I briefly could recall someone leading me here, saying that someone wanted to meet me.  _

_ I blink, and suddenly there is a man in front of me. He is laughing.  _

_ “This was the one who solved it?” he asks the soldier who had opened the door for him. I gulped nervously. He walks closer to me, looking me up and down. He laughs again and holds out a hand for me to shake. “How old are you?” he asked, sitting down on the other end of the table.  _

_ “T-twenty one,” I hear myself stutter. “Sir.” The man looks down at some papers in front of him.  _

_ “You were drafted?” I nodded. “How long do you have left?”  _

_ “A few months, sir.” He nods and slides a piece of paper across the table. I look down at what is on it. It is some sort of coded message.  _

_ “Can you tell me what that says?” The man asks. I look down at the paper, examining the combination of numbers, letters, and symbols. There’s a pattern in it.  _

_ “It’s an address,” I said, analyzing it. I read it off to him. A grin spreads over his face. _

_ “You’ll be perfect,” the man says under his breath. He looks back at me. “How would you like a promotion?”  _

_ “What?” I blurt.  _

_ “I need someone with your skills on my team. We have very important work to do.”  _

_ “I-”  _

_ “You have a brother?” The man interrupts me. He puts a new photo down on the table. In it, a boy. It’s the same boy from my previous dreams, only he is a little older. The photo is recent. I look up at the man, concern on my face. “I’m sure he will be quite proud of you.” The words he spoke were meant to be lighthearted, but his tone carried the threat. “So? What do you say?” I look down at the photo on the table, a sick feeling in my stomach.  _

_ “It, uh,” I stutter. “It would be an honour, sir.”  _


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up with the sick feeling still in my stomach. There was a glass of water beside me that I quickly gulped down, trying to process the dream I just had. The sketch pad was also on the bedside table, so I grabbed it and flipped it open to a new page. 

As I began to sketch the man I had been talking to, I realized why he had seen so familiar. I kept sketching for a few moments, trying to decide what I made of that dream, but all it did was make me feel worse. I was about to put down the book and try to go back to sleep, but I could hear people moving around in the kitchen. The clock said it was nearing midnight. I had only been asleep for a few hours. I picked up my sketch and opened the door to my room. 

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Park was talking to someone on the phone. Lazar was sitting on the couch, looking like he was fast asleep. I stuck my head out of the hallway. Park had a hand on her head, looking annoyed with whoever she was talking to. “We have no more contacts,” she said. I had a feeling I knew who she was talking to. I took a few steps closer, hoping I could hear what the person on the other end was saying. I couldn’t make out much, but I did hear him utter the word Bell. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have shot them then,” Park said harshly. 

“What choice did I have?” Adler’s voice got louder. I felt bad for eavesdropping, so I cleared my throat. Park spun around, seeing me standing in the hallway. I waved the sketchpad. She acknowledged me with a nod.

“You had plenty of choices,” Park said back into the phone. I sat down on the couch, startling Lazar awake. I grinned sheepishly, apologizing for waking him.

“How would we have been able to trust them?” Adler went on on the other line, still defending himself. Park looked back at me. 

“First, you would have had to give them an actual chance.” A moment passed, and Adler said nothing. “Look, we have other problems to deal with. You may just have to let this one go.” I could hear Adler grumble a bit on the other end, and then the line went dead. Park rolled her eyes, putting the phone back down. 

“Did you say hi for me?” I asked sarcastically. Lazar seemed to find my comment funnier than she did. 

“What did you get?” Park asked, motioning towards my sketchpad. 

“Well…” I started, flipping open the book. Park took the drawing into her hands, her eyes going wide. “That was the day I first met him,” I explained. 

“Let me see!” Lazar whined from the other side of the couch. Park gave him the book. “Perseus?” he asked. I nodded. “Shit.” Both of them looked at me, waiting for me to say more. I took the drawing back, looking at the picture of the boy he had sitting on the table. My recreation of the picture was hard to make out who was in the photo. 

“I didn’t have a choice,” I finally said, feeling sadness building up in my chest. “To join him.” I quickly described the dream, how he used my brother as leverage. 

“So the drawings of the boy?” Lazar asked me once I was done. I nodded. 

“I have a brother,” I felt myself grin a little as I said it. “Do you think he’s…” I trailed off, knowing that neither of them would be able to answer the question either. 

“What was the message you decoded?” Park asked. 

“There were two, I think. I, uh, don’t remember the first, or how I got it, but whatever it was that I solved got his attention, led to that meeting.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “The second… It was in an American code. An address.” 

“An address?” Park pressed. I nodded, trying to recite the numbers from the dream. 

“I think it was a test or something. He wanted to see how good I was at…” I trailed off as I saw the look on Park’s face. “What?” 

“That was the location of the nuke that was in Berlin.” My mouth fell open as my stomach cartwheeled. 

“And I-” 

“You didn’t know,” Lazar interrupted. I looked at Park, whose lips were pursed. 

“I’m sorry,” I said, looking down at the ground. 

“It’s not your fault,” Park told me. I closed my notebook, standing up again. I shook my head. 

“If I never would have solved that…” I trailed off. “Don’t suppose I can have any more of that stuff tonight?” I asked Park. She shook her head. “If I say please?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine,” I said, dragging out the word as I started walking dramatically back to my room. Lazar chuckled. 

“Good night!” Park called behind me. I waved a hand back at her. She laughed a little as well. 

The rest of my dreams were filled with memories that, by now, I was pretty sure never happened. After all, I think I would have been a little too young to be fighting in the Vietnam war. Somehow though, all of the memories still felt so real. 

When I woke up, the sun was just starting to peek over the horizon. The house was still quiet, so I grabbed my sketchpad and made my way towards the kitchen. I figured out how to use the coffee pot and made myself a cup before sitting down at the table, beginning to sketch the scene that had been playing in my mind. 

I was with Adler in the memory. The two of us were sitting on a bit of a hill, laughing. It was clear we had just gotten out of a fight that neither of us thought we would make it out of. The sun was setting in the background, making me wish I had some coloured pencils to try and capture it all the way I saw it behind my eyes. I could even smell the grass we had been sitting in. 

“You do know that one never happened?” a voice said from behind me. I looked up to see Lazar right behind me, looking at the drawing. I sighed. 

“I know,” I said, finishing up the shading on Adler’s sunglasses. I noticed that he had no scar on his face in these memories, which gave me a lot more questions than it did answer them. “Is it weird that so far, this is the only memory I wish was real?” 

“That  _ was _ the point,” Park answered, walking into the room. She was doing up the buttons on the sleeve of her suit jacket. The two of them were going to work again. 

“I know,” I said again, flipping the page of the sketchpad. I looked back through my previous drawings, noticing that there was a big difference in the drawings of my real memories versus the fake ones. The real memories were dark, the lines sharp and serious, while the fake memory was much lighter, seeming to have been drawn from a completely different lens.

Lazar and Park grabbed themselves a cup of coffee and some breakfast and sat down at the table with me. I leant back in my chair, happy to just listen to their conversations of the morning as they chatted about the plan for the day. I mindlessly flipped my book open to my drawing of Perseus, starting to zone out from the conversation at the table. Why did I have to decode that address for him? I found myself wishing I knew more. What happened before, what happened next, what I had been thinking. Like, really thinking. And the biggest question of all, what happened to my brother? 

“Do you still have files on Perseus?” I blurted, fully interrupting the conversation Park and Lazar had been having. Park looked at me and narrowed her eyes, looking surprised by the question. “Maybe there’s something in there that will trigger more memories, or-”

“None of the files we have mentioned you,” Park interrupted me. “Or your brother.” She sighed, realizing her tone had been a little harsh. “I’m sorry.” 

“But, what if there’s something that I can do or, or maybe find something you missed,” Park raised her eyebrows. “I mean, chances are I likely coded messages for him to at some point too, right? What if there’s something in there that would make sense to me?” I looked at Lazar. He shrugged, 

“They do have a point,” he said to Park. 

“Those files can’t leave that building,” she said. I frowned. 

“Right,” I scratched the back of my head. “Of course. Sorry, I just-” 

“That didn’t mean no,” Park said, a small flicker of an idea sparkling in her eyes. My own went wide as I realized what she was implying

“How do you expect to get _ me  _ into  _ MI6 _ Headquarters?” I asked. 

“Give me a few days.” 

“Really?!” I asked excitedly. 

“Maybe,” Park finished the last bite of her breakfast and stood up. “Don’t get your hopes up.” She went to put her plate away, and Lazar stood up as well, giving me a slight nudge.

“You’d make a pretty damn good agent,” he said. 

After they were gone, I was once again unsure how to spend my time. I learnt the day before that the radio station only played the same six songs over and over again, and the T.V in the living room only got three channels. There were only so many episodes of Jeopardy someone could watch before feeling like they were going insane. 

The sun was out again today, so I decided to head outside. The wound on my side felt better each day, the stitches doing their job of keeping me together. Moving was still a bit of a challenge, and although all I wanted to do was go for a run, workout so that I could stay in shape, I could only walk around the property line once before needing a break, which turned into a bit of a nap in the grass outside. 

While I napped, I had no dreams, figuring the memories really only got triggered by whatever Park injected into me. I half debted, going to try and find the stash of it and giving it to myself, but the thought of giving myself a needle sent shivers down my spine. Instead, I figured Park and Lazar were going to be hungry when they got home. I was staying at Park’s home for free; the least I could do was help out a little around the house. I dug around through Park’s fridge and freezer, wondering if there was anything I could make for dinner. 

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting when I tried to cook; I had no memories of ever cooking. My main goal was to make sure that nothing lit on fire. But somehow, after I found a recipe book and decided on a way to cook chicken, I found myself knowing what to do. Some sort of instincts took over as I cooked; I ended up altering the recipe based on some knowledge I had about spices. While the chicken cooked, I thought about what sides to serve. 

Everything was just coming out of the oven when the front door swung open, Park and Lazar returning. 

“Something smells good!” Lazar exclaimed. The two walked into the kitchen and saw me setting the table, their eyes wide. I grinned sheepishly, 

“I, uh,” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I was bored?” 

Thankfully, everything turned out okay. If Park or Lazar didn’t like what I had made, they kept it to themselves, but they did seem to enjoy it. By the time we finished eating, the sun was setting. It was still somewhat early, but this had been the longest I had been awake since getting shot. I expressed my interest in going to bed, and Park came over to give me a dose of whatever it was that brought back some of my memories. 

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Park exclaimed after giving me the needle. She quickly ran out of the room, returning with a small bag, and handed it to me. I looked at it curiously. “Go ahead,” she said with a grin. 

I opened up the bag and pulled out a couple boxes of pencils. One box was simple black pencils, the kind made for drawing, and the second was coloured. I didn’t know much about art supplies, but I could tell these definitely weren’t cheap. I felt a smile spread across my face. I looked up at Park to say thank you, but she cut me off. 

“You’re welcome. Now, get some rest. I’m looking forward to the drawings you make with those.”


	7. Chapter 7

_ I am back at my house—the one from earlier dreams with the log walls. The boy is sitting on the floor. He is younger than I had ever seen him. He was busy playing with a train set in front of the fireplace.  _

_ There is someone else here this time. A man. He is moving around the house, filling a duffle bag.  _

_ "I'm sorry," the man says, looking at me.  _

_ "You can't go," I hear myself say. "Those places… They'll work you to death!" The man stops packing and walks up to me, placing a hand on the side of my head. I can see the sadness in his eyes.  _

_ "You two will be taken care of. That is all that matters, my dear." I feel tears welling up in my eyes.  _

_ "But, Pa-"  _

_ "No buts," his voice cracks. I sniffle back a sob. The man looks at the photograph hanging on the wall. In it, four people. Him, the boy, me, and a woman. We all look happy. He takes the photo off the wall and puts it into his bag.  _

_ "Pa-" I try to say again.  _

_ "Take care of your brother," he says. The boy is still playing with trains, hardly noticing what is going on. "Promise me you'll take care of him." A tear falls down my cheek. _

_ "I promise."  _

_ "Be strong," he says, wiping the tear off my face. "I love you, Zasha."  _

"Zasha!" I exclaimed. I jumped out of bed, ignoring the wave of pain it sent through my side.

I could feel the grin on my face. I wanted to jump up and down. My name! "Zasha!" I said again, quieter this time. That was it. Everything about it felt right. I had to tell the others. 

I bolted out of my room, feeling full of energy. The lights were all off in the house. They were probably sleeping. My mind was racing so fast that I didn't think about the fact that I would be waking them, and I burst through the door to the other bedroom in the house. 

In hindsight, it probably wasn't the smartest idea to startle two highly trained operatives awake, and not a second after I crashed through their door, they both sprung up from sleeping in each other's arms to pointing guns at my head. I quickly flicked on the light so they could see it was me.

"What the fuck?!" Lazar shouted, lowering his weapon. 

"What's wrong?!" Park asked, sounding worried. I grinned wide. 

"Zasha!" I exclaimed. 

"What?!" they asked at the same time. 

"Zasha!" I said again. "My name," I felt my grin grow as I told them. "My name is Zasha." I saw Park smile before she lay back down.

"Really?" Lazar asked. I nodded. "And you had to come in here in the  _ middle of the night  _ just to tell us that?" 

"Uh," I started, now feeling slightly bad about waking them. I brought my hand up to awkwardly rub the back of my neck but doing so caused a lot of pain. I looked down at my bandages and faked a grin. "I, uh, may have also ripped some stitches…" Park shot out of bed again. 

"Why the fuck didn't you lead with that?!" she exclaimed. 

"Wasn't as exciting…" I mumbled while she threw on a sweater. 

"Have fun with that," Lazar muttered, rolling himself over in bed, taking all of the blankets with him. Park instructed me to go back to my room and followed me in, the first aid kit in hand. I grabbed my sketchpad from the table and opened to a new page while Park tended to the wound. It was quiet. 

"Zasha, hey?" Park asked after a few minutes of silence. I looked up from my drawing and nodded. "Hm." She pulled the line of stitching tighter, making me wince. "It suits you." She cut the thread. I opened the box of my new coloured pencils, grabbing a blue that matched the colour of the man's eyes. I saw Park looking at the drawing as she grabbed some fresh bandages. 

"My father," I explained, not looking up. "I think he's dead." Park remained quiet, silently encouraging me to go on if I wanted to. "He left us. After our mom died." I wasn't quite sure where that information was coming from, but as I said it, I knew it was true. "I was supposed to take care of my brother…" Park finished replacing the bandages and looked up at me; she looked like she wasn't quite sure what to say. She reached into the bedside table and pulled out the bottle that I knew to be pain medication. She held it out, asking if I wanted some. I nodded.

"Your brother could still be out there," she said as she gave me a small dose of meds. 

"Maybe…" I didn't sound too confident. Park gave me a reassuring grin.

"Get some rest, Zasha," she said, heading towards the door. I felt myself smile as she said my name. "We have a big day tomorrow." I wanted to ask what she meant by that, but the pain meds had put me to sleep before I had the chance. 

I was in the middle of a dream, another pleasant memory of that time I was never in Vietnam when I was woken up.

"Get dressed," Lazar said, walking into the room and throwing a bundle of clothes at me. I sat up and squinted. 

"Wha-?" 

"We're leaving in twenty minutes." And with that, Lazar closed the door again. I rolled out of bed, groaning at the pain in my side. I was starting to regret how excited I had gotten last night about remembering my name.

I unbundled the clothes that had been thrown in my face, a pair of dress pants and a button-up shirt. I assumed they belonged to Lazar. I was curious as to where they were taking me, so I quickly got changed. Both the pants and the shirt were too big for me, making me feel like a kid playing dress-up. I found a belt and secured the pants around my waist, and did my best to tuck most of the shirt into them. 

There was a mirror that hung on one of the walls, so I took a second to look at myself. I didn't look nearly as bad as I had in the past few days. The bruises under my eyes from the broken nose were mostly faded, and the few scrapes I had on my face from our last battle in Solovetsky were barely noticeable. My hair was a different story. Given what I remembered so far, they had shaved my head before the whole MK-Ultra thing. It had grown out a bit since then. The hair growing back was curly, messy. At one point when I was with Adler, Sims had offered to clean it up a little, shaving down the sides and the back for me, leaving the curls on top. But that was a long time ago now. I sighed, awkwardly trying to run my hands through my hair so I didn't look like I had spent the past three weeks in bed dying. 

Just as I was heading for my bedroom door, I noticed my sketchpad and the unfinished drawing of my father that I had started last night. I closed the book, put the rest of the pencils back in the box, and put them all under my arm as I walked out. Park and Lazar were both in the kitchen, also dressed for the day. Park noticed me walking in,

"Good to see you wearing something other than sweatpants," she said. I rolled my eyes. "Hell, I'd even say you can pull that outfit off better than someone else I know," she added with a grin. 

"I'm not even going to deny that," Lazar muttered. "You look good, Zed." I tilted my head. 

"Zed?" I asked. Lazar shrugged, 

"It's shorter," he explained. "I don't have to-"

"No," I interrupted. "I like that." I grinned a little, and he gave me a pat on the shoulder. "So, uh, what's, uh, going on?" 

"You wanted to go see the files on Perseus," Park said, acting like it was obvious. My mouth fell open slightly. 

"You had said  _ maybe  _ and that it would take a few days!" 

"What can I say?" Park shrugged, throwing her bag over her shoulder. "I'm good at my job." 

"Zed," Lazar said from behind me. "Catch." He threw an apple at my face, which I managed to catch at the expense of my sketchbook, and he followed Park out the door. I stood there for a moment, bewildered. "Are you coming?" Lazar called back. I blinked one more time before scrambling to pick back up my book and heading out the door. 

"Shotgun!" I exclaimed, mouth full of apple as I jogged to catch up to Lazar and Park.

"Ha!" Lazar laughed, putting a hand out to stop me from passing him. "In your dreams." 

"You wanna drive, Zasha?" Park asked, dangling the keys off her finger. My eyes went wide. 

" _ Oh,  _ so you would let  _ them  _ drive your car?!" Lazar exclaimed. 

"Can I?" I asked Park, interrupting Lazar before he could pout any more. 

"Do you even know how to drive?" Lazar asked. 

"I dunno," I admitted. "Probably?" This made Park laugh. 

"Next time then," she said, getting into the driver's seat. Reluctantly, I sat down in the back seat. Park put the car into drive, and we were on our way to MI6 Headquarters. 

"So," I started, watching the empty fields pass as we drove past. "How exactly is this going to work?" 

"Quite simple, really," Park said. "Laz, it's in the front pocket of my bag." Lazar opened up Park's bag and fished something out of it. Instead of turning around to hand it to me, he lifted his arm up.

"If you throw one more fucking thing at me this morning-" I was interrupted as a lanyard smacked me right in the nose. I glared at Lazar, and he laughed. I rolled my eyes as I picked it back up, noticing a visitor's passcard dangling off of the front. "That easy?" I asked, feeling suspicious. 

"I explained to my boss I could bring in one of the best cryptographers on the continent who wanted to take a crack on finding Perseus. She didn't protest ." 

"But what about-"

"My word that you worked for the C.I.A. will suffice. You'd be surprised by the number of agents out there who don't exist on any paperwork."

"So if anyone asks?" 

"Tell them you are reporting to me. The rest is classified. Although, your name…" Park thought for a second. "Actually," she laughed. "There's a fair amount of Ex-KGB in there. I don't think anyone will bat an eye at Zasha." 

"Or Zed!" Lazar suggested from the front. I grinned a little, and silence fell through the car. I decided to crack open my sketchbook, wanting to finish the drawing from the night before, and Lazar turned up the radio. 

Half an hour later, we were in the heart of London. I was fairly certain I had never been, and as we drove, I looked out the window slightly in awe. The city was beautiful. In the distance, I could make out the building we were heading to. I had seen pictures of the buildings on Vauxhall Cross, but they were nothing compared to the real thing. The closer we got to the MI6 building, I tried to hide my look of amazement from Lazar and Park, but when I looked over at them, I could see Lazar looking at me with a slight grin on his face.

Inside, a guard checked our bags and passes and sent us in. Lazar went off his own way, and I followed Park to the basement, to where they kept records. I tried my best not to look as nervous as I felt. I knew the chances were slim, but I couldn't shake the feeling that someone here would recognize me, either as whoever I was before or as Bell. I didn't know which was scarier. 

Park flashed her I.D. at the desk of records and handed over a piece of paper to the person sitting behind the desk. A second later, they came back out with two boxes stacked in their arms. The boxes were promptly put into my arms, and I was guided to a small, quiet room with a table. I set the boxes down and opened them up, seeing that both were full of various files. 

"I thought you said you didn't have very much?!" I exclaimed, looking at Park. She shrugged, 

"Compared to what we have on others…" she trailed off with a smile. "Have fun, Zed."


	8. Chapter 8

It didn't take me long to get buried in information. The first box I opened contained debriefs from any mission that had involved Perseus or any of his known associates, all of which at this point were dead or captured. I was caught slightly off guard when I saw that Park herself had written some of the debriefs, going over missions we had been on together. Thankfully, any details of what they had done to me were left out. I was just mentioned as 'Bell,' and sure enough, the last mention of Bell was them being K.I.A. 

The second box of information was a little more useful. It contained any of the information they had acquired. Copies of some of the information I recalled decoding for Adler, photographs, maps, and the most interesting of them all, a series of messages that they had intercepted. There were only a few messages that I could tell were from Perseus to other members of his team. The rest were between him and American or MI6 spies that he had lurking, all of which had been found out by now. 

All of the messages were in code; that much was obvious. Whoever had initially looked at these messages had made notes about how both C.I.A. and MI6 cryptographers had examined the messages, but no one could make out what they were trying to say. 

I spread the messages across the table, ordering them by date and re-read them all, paying close attention to everything in them. The longer I looked, the more a feeling grew in my gut that I had seen most of these before. There was one in particular that stood out from the rest. It was one of the earliest messages they had intercepted. I picked it up and spun around in my chair, looking at it closely. I closed my eyes, trying to think. 

_ "It is crucial we get this out," I hear Perseus's voice in the back of my head. "But the Americans are getting smarter. They worked out our last system. We need a new one." _

_ "A new one?" I could hear myself stutter.  _

_ "That won't be a problem, will it?"  _

I opened my eyes again, looking back at the message in my hands, suddenly seeing it from a new perspective. I could practically feel the lightbulb go off in my head. I stuck my head out of the small room I was working from and went up to the person sitting at the records desk. A few minutes later, I was back, now with everything I needed to crack the messages. 

I placed the clear sheet of laminate over top of the message and uncapped a sharpie with my teeth. As I trailed the marker across the pattern spelled out in the message, more of it was coming back to me. Sure, I didn't remember exactly what each of these messages was going to say, but the process of decoding them felt natural. 

I went through the messages one at a time, each one taking less and less time to do as I got more familiar with my steps. It wasn't long till I had paper and files scattered all around the room, some resting on chairs and even on the floor. I was so lost in my work I didn't even notice the person waving a cup of coffee in my face until they nudged my shoulder. My eyes went wide as I looked up at Park, feeling embarrassed I hadn't heard her come in. Awkwardly, I took the sharpie cap out of my mouth that I had been chewing on and took the cup of coffee. 

"So," Park started, looking around the room. I leant back in my chair, taking a sip of the coffee. 

"I cracked the code," I said, a cheeky smile on my face. I nodded towards one of the stacks of papers I had resting on a chair with my head—all of the messages I had decoded so far. Park picked them up and began to flip through them. 

"Impressive," she said, putting the stack back down. "Want to explain it to me?" I felt myself look down at the ground, suddenly feeling less proud of myself. 

"I, uh," I set my cup of coffee down. "I made the coding system." Park raised her eyebrows. She picked up the stack of papers on the chair across from me and sat down in it. "I'm pretty sure I encoded most of these," Park said nothing for a moment as she looked around at the rest of the stuff I had scattered on the table. She picked up one of the clear plastic pages and examined the lines I had drawn. Without speaking, I grabbed the corresponding message that went with that one. I handed it to her so she could place the clear one over top. 

"How-?" she started. 

"The messages, each of them have instructions on a pattern to draw," I explained, although that was only the first step. 

"Hm," Park set down the message. "Anything useful?" 

"Not yet." I thought for a second. "Well, it would have been useful to us a few months ago," I said, sliding over a decoded message that laid out more details of Operation Greenlight. Park looked down at the message, then up at me. "I'm sorry I-" I started. 

"If you apologize one more time for  _ us _ brainwashing  _ you _ , I am going to smack you with this," she interrupted me, holding up the stack of papers in her hands. I grinned sheepishly. 

"Still, I-" I sighed. "I feel bad." Park put down the papers she was holding. 

"Me too." She looked as if she was about to say something more, but I could hear someone call her name from outside the room. She sighed and stood up. "Keep going with this. Now that we know they can be decoded, I'll see if I can get some more files sent over from other agencies. They might have more recent ones." 

"Wait," I interrupted. "You won't tell them that I'm-"

"Could these codes have been cracked by any cryptographer?" 

"Theoretically." 

"Then all I need to say is that I've got one of the best," she said with a wink and walked out of the room, leaving me alone again with the mess I had created. I picked my coffee back up, taking another long drink before looking back at the message I had been working on. 

Time seemed to fly as I sat in that room. Every time I looked up at the clock, thinking it had been five minutes, an hour had gone by. As I decoded more of the messages, I was starting to get more memories back. Well, maybe not quite memories, but flashes. Images of where I had been when I did then, the feeling of Perseus standing over my shoulder as I worked. 

The further down the messages I got, the less it felt like I was doing anything important. I still had yet to find any information on anyone or anything that could lead us to Perseus. All the dates had passed, no new names and Greenlight had already been stopped.

It wasn't until I got to one of the last messages that I noticed something different. From the looks of it, it appeared normal like the rest. The information on it was laying out the location and time of a weapons drop, mentioning a plan to take hostages. As I decoded the message, I recalled drafting this one; I could tell I was worried when I made it. 

_ "Do you need to take hostages?" I remembered asking Perseus.  _

_ "If Qasim thinks it is necessary," he replied.  _

_ "But-"  _

_ "Are you questioning me?"  _

The memory caused me to sigh. I leant back in my chair, rubbing my eyes. The clock on the wall led me to assume that Park and Lazar would be done working any time, coming to take me home. I put the paper back down on the table, debating if I should just stop for the day, when something caught my eye. 

"That's not…" I started, picking it back up. My eyes went wide as I grabbed a new piece of paper. "Holy shit," I muttered myself, seeing my hunch had been correct. There was a second message in this! One that was not encoded like the others. This one was in a completely different system, one that an American would be familiar with. 

My brain was moving faster than my hands could keep up as I decoded the message. Not only was I rapidly decrypting, but I was also starting to recall what I had been doing when I did this. 

"No," I mumbled to myself, shaking the thoughts lurking in my brain. "I wouldn't…" I tried to convince myself, telling myself that I was wrong about what this message was going to say. Then, I decrypted the whole thing. I felt the blood drain from my face.

"Hey, Zed!" Lazar burst into the room. "Ready to go?" I said nothing. My eyes were still fixated on the second message I had put into this one letter.

"Zasha?" Park said softly, noticing my silence. "What is it?" I looked up at them, fighting the tears I felt in the corner of my eyes. 

"I-" I started. "This message. I-it has two encryptions." 

"What?" Park asked.

"One in the Russian system, my system, and the other," I shook my head. "It's meant to be decoded by the C.I.A." 

"I don't-" Park started, but I handed her the message, and she went quiet. "You-?" I nodded, forcing myself to take a deep breath before I spoke.

"I was trying to defect."


	9. Chapter 9

The car ride home that night was silent. I spent the entire ride with my head resting on the window, watching the scenery as we drove and trying not to think about what I had just learnt and not having much luck at doing so. 

The message I had encoded was clear. I was trying to warn the Americans about the plan they had to take hostages. Not only that, but I was offering up my help, all of the information I knew. In exchange, I was asking for asylum. Asylum for two people. Me and someone named Dedov Smirnov. I could only assume that he was my brother. 

But somehow, though the message looked obvious, it was never decoded. I had sent a cry for help, and no one heard it. I had so many questions swirling around in my head that it was starting to ache. The most important of them all, what happened to Dedov? If we were in danger… 

"Zasha?" a voice interrupted my thoughts. I snapped out of my trance, noticing that the car was now parked back outside Park's cottage. Lazar was holding the passenger door open for me, waiting for me to get out. "Let's get you some food," he suggested. I nodded and got out of the car, trailing behind him as we went in. 

It was clear that my discovery had put everyone in a down mood as the silence from the car followed us into the house. Lazar hadn't even made fun of me yet after discovering that my last name was Smirnov. Leftovers were pulled from the fridge and heated up, no one sure what to say. Although, I could tell we were all thinking the same thing. 

If I was trying to defect, why did Adler go ahead with everything?

I had to have brought it up at some point, right? I thought about the memories I had gotten back of him torturing me before they went ahead with MK-Ultra. Clearly, I had been willing to divulge information before being captured, so why-

"Zasha?" Park's voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked up from my plate, noticing that a few stray tears had fallen down my cheeks. I quickly brushed them away, looking back down with a sniffle. 

"It doesn't make sense," I said quietly. I looked back up at Park. "Did you know?" She shook her head no. "But when Adler inter-"

"I wasn't there for that," she interrupted me. "Just the end. And by that point, after everything, you couldn't even talk…" she trailed off.

"The C.I.A. would have files-" Lazar started. 

"This was off the books." Park glanced back over at me. "The only person other than you who knows what happened there is Adler. I'm sorry." I nodded a few times,

"It's fine," my voice was still quiet. "I think I'm going to go to bed," I finally said, pushing my chair back. 

"You've barely touched your food," Lazar said as I stood up. 

"I'm not hungry." That much was true. I shuffled back into my room, closing the door so that I could change. As I did, I could hear Park and Lazar talking quietly in the kitchen. I couldn't make out what either of them was saying, but I had a pretty good feeling about the subject of their conversation. 

  
  


Once changed, I sat down on the bed, opening my sketchbook. I flipped to the very first picture I had drawn of my brother. I grabbed the sharpie I had accidentally taken home with me, and in bulky letters across the bottom, I spelt out his name.

"Dedov…" I whispered, brushing my finger across the drawing. "Dede…" I recalled the nickname I had given him. That led to me recalling the nickname he had given me, and I laughed to myself.

"What's so funny?" Park asked, walking into the room, my nightly meds in her hands. 

"He hated when I called him Dede," I said, looking down at the drawing. "He thought he could annoy me back by calling me Zeze." I smiled at the memory. "It never worked. I loved it when he called me that." Park grinned softly, sitting beside me on the bed. 

"You sure you still want this stuff tonight?" she asked a second later. I nodded, 

"I feel fine," I told her. "If you think I'm up for it, Doc." 

"That's not what I meant." 

"I know. I can handle it." I closed the notebook and looked up at Park. "I need to remember." I saw a look of understanding in Park's eyes. Finally, she nodded and filled the syringe. 

"We'll talk more tomorrow," she said, injecting it into my arm. "Just, if you can avoid it, don't come to wake us up at three A.M again?" I grinned a little,

"No promises." 

_ "You're not staying, are you?" Dedov asks me. I had just walked through the front door of the house a few minutes ago, my boots still on my feet.  _

_ "No," I reply. "I'm not."  _

_ "But your draft-"  _

_ "Got extended." I see Dedov frown. He is older now. There is a bit of scruff on his face, making him resemble the image I had of my father. "You'll be able to stay here," I say. "I've worked it out. You'll be eighteen in just over a year, so they will let you be here on your own." Dedov looks at me, his eyes going narrow.  _

_ "You're not under a draft anymore, are you?" Smart kid.  _

_ "No. Not technically." Dedov's face fills with anger. _

_ "Then why are you going back?!"  _

_ "Because!" I realize my voice was raised, almost as loud as his. I take a deep breath. "They need me."  _

_ "But I thought you didn't want-" _

_ "It doesn't matter what I want," I stated. He frowns again. I can see he is still angry, not just with me. "C'mon," I say, trying to lighten the mood. I swing around my bag and pull out a small box of pastries. "I brought your favourite…"  _

_ The scene shifts, and I am back in the interrogation room. My hands are handcuffed behind my back, my reflection in the mirror doesn't hide how exhausted and in pain, I feel, the dried tears and blood on my face only adding to it.  _

_ "I'm trying to tell you-" I am saying, my voice shaking from trying not to cry. Adler slams his hands down on the metal table, the ring echoing through the room. _

_ "I need the truth!" he yells.  _

_ "That is the truth!" I try to raise my voice to match his, but my voice cracks. "I can help you-" _

_ "Bullshit!" he exclaims, pushing himself off the table. "How could someone like _ you _ possibly help _ us _?" He asks, crossing his arms over his chest. _

_ "I-I can decode-" _

_ "We have people who can decode."  _

_ "N-not like me," I try to sound confident, but he doesn't budge. "If you would just let me explain-" I stop myself from talking as he starts to laugh. My stomach drops. He's not going to listen to me. "Please," I plead, my voice desperate. "I have-" _

_ "I don't fucking care," and before giving me a chance to say anything more, Adler lunges toward me, grabs the back of my head and slams it forward, directly into the metal table. The world goes black.  _

My eyes pop open. The sound of my head slamming against the metal still rings through my ears. I slowly sit myself up, rubbing my forehead. 

"I  _ did  _ try to tell him," I said to myself, my stomach still full of that sinking feeling from the dream. "Don't cry," I told myself. "Don't cry, don't cry." I pulled on my cheeks and then shook my hands out. I grabbed the sketchbook from the bedside table and cracked it open to a new page, wanting to put my energy elsewhere. 

The scene with Adler was replaying over and over in my mind, so I started with drawing that one. As I drew, my sadness started to turn into anger, my lines getting sharper and angrier with me. I tried to tell him! I was going to tell him everything! But he didn't listen, didn't let me! 

The lead on my pencil snapped, simultaneously snapping me out of my thoughts. I sighed, brushing the broken tip off of the page and flipping to a new one. As I resharpened my pencil, I took a few deep breaths, trying to stop my hands from shaking, and started the next drawing. Dede. Tonight's memory hadn't been a happy one, but drawing him seemed to take away the anger that had been bubbling inside. 

I was just finishing up my drawing when the door to my room opened. 

"Up and at 'em, Zed," Lazar said, swinging it open just enough to throw a ball of clothes at me again, but this time, since I was sitting up, I caught it. The door was about to close, but it reopened again when he realized that he had not hit me in the face. "Hm," he said, sounding disappointed he had missed and shut the door again. I rolled my eyes, unballing the shirt. 

I got changed and made my way to the kitchen, setting my sketchbook down on the table before going to grab something to eat. Park looked at the book,

"May I?" she asked. I nodded once, pulling out a box of cereal from the pantry and a bowl. 

"I have yet to recall a happy memory," I said, pouring some milk for the cereal as Park looked at my drawing of the scene with Adler. I leant up against the counter, looking over her shoulder at my picture. I took a bite of my cereal. "In that one," I said, my mouth still full. I quickly swallowed. "I had been trying to tell him I could help. Wanted to help. But…" I trailed off, scooping another bite of breakfast. 

"Asshole," Lazar muttered, walking into the room. He only glanced at the drawing and decided to flip the page for us. "Dedov?" I nodded. 

"Was not happy that I wasn't staying." I finished my breakfast and set the empty bowl down in the sink, eager to get going this morning. I was hoping that another day of decoding messages, especially more recent ones, would either help locate Perseus or trigger more memories. Or both. 

"Alright, we should get going," Park said, heading towards the door with Lazar. "Lots to do today." 

"Oh, hey, Zed, you wanna grab me an apple for me on your way out?" Lazar asked over his shoulder. I quickly grabbed one off the counter for him and followed them outside, an idea forming in mind as I recalled the amount of things he had thrown at me in the past twenty-four hours. 

"Lazar!" I exclaimed, getting his attention. As he was spinning around, I threw the apple towards him fast. Unfortunately for me, he was paying attention and effortlessly caught the apple. He grinned, taking a bite. 

"You're going to have to try harder than that!" he laughed.

"Is that a challenge?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. 

"Is it?" Lazar raised his eyebrows as well, our eyes locking. 

"This is going to get annoying fast, isn't it?" Park muttered under her breath. Lazar and I were still locked in a staring contest. Park honked the horn of the car, startling us both. "Come on, children!" 


	10. Chapter 10

I was back in my little room in the records department when Park and Lazar came to say hi, each with stacks of papers in their hands. 

"Delivery!" Lazar exclaimed, happily handing over his stack of papers to me. My eyes went wide. 

"What, uh?" I started asking, trying to clear room on my small table while my hands were full.

"Our American friends sent over all of the messages they have that they believe to be to or from Perseus," Park explained, setting her stack of papers down on the spot I had just been clearing on the table. 

"Well, alright," I muttered, giving up on trying to find a place and putting the papers in my hand over top of what I had been working on. I put my hands on my hips, looking at the ever-growing mess I was making of the MI6 records room. 

"Some of them may be duplicates," Park went on, "but they have a lot more recent ones since Mason and Woods took out Aldrich." I nodded, recalling the decoding I had done for them back when I was Bell, pinpointing the network of spies. 

"Do they know that you asked for these?" I asked. "Any of the, uh," I paused before I said team. It didn't feel like the right word anymore. "Any of them?" Park shook her head. 

"Just Hudson. And he thinks I'm the one looking at them." 

"Probably for the best," Lazar piped up. He had been walking around the table, looking at some of the other messages I had been decoding. "Don't want to get anyone too excited," he looked at Park and winked. She rolled her eyes. 

"Let us know if you get anything," she said, ignoring Lazar's comment. I nodded, and the two of them began to head for the door to the small room. I looked back over at the stack of papers, debating where to start when Lazar had one more thing to add. 

"Oh, don't forget your pen, Zed!" he exclaimed. I turned around, about to ask him what he meant, when I saw one of my sharpies hurtling through the air. All I had time to do was blink before it bounced off my head. I blinked again, giving Lazar a blank stare. His laughing could be heard all the way back to the elevator.

I didn't waste any time getting to work. I was eager to get to the more recent messages; they were more likely to have information that could actually be useful. And, I wanted to know if any of them mentioned me. After all, I had been the one creating and reading Perseus' messages, and I did sort of disappear. 

After sorting the new files by date and clearing the duplicates, I got to decoding. The closer I got to the date that I knew to be my capture, I found myself getting more nervous. I had no idea what to expect, and like everything else in my life I didn't know, it scared me what I would find. 

Finally, I found the first message that had been sent after night in Turkey. I forced myself to take a deep breath, put the clear piece of plastic over top, and got to work. I could tell right away that this message was written by someone else. I wasn't quite sure who, but I knew that there were a handful of people that knew how to use the cryptography system I created.

"Kripto…" I murmured, reading the first word of the decoded message. That was what they had called me! My codename was Kripto! Short for kriptograf, the Russian word for cryptographer. As far as codenames I had been given, I hated it less than I did Bell. 

The rest of the message was short. It mentioned the ambush at the airbase in Turkey and that I had been captured. The message was written for Aldrich before the C.I.A. realized he was also on Perseus' payroll, and asked him to kill me. I scoffed, feeling slightly offended that they didn't expect me to hold out under torture, but the scoff was more directed to the fact that Aldrich failed, a memory surfacing of Perseus wanting me to encode a message telling him to stop being useless. The message ended, telling Aldrich to expect a different style of encoded message next time.

I sighed, putting the message down on the table. Part of me wanted to just take a break, get some more coffee before learning a new coding system, but I found myself wanting to know who they got to replace me. And how good they were at cryptography. I looked at my empty coffee cup and sighed, looking at the following message on the pile from Perseus. It was sent a few days after the last. At first glance, I could tell it was encoded differently. I looked at it for a few minutes, trying to determine how they hid the real message underneath. I leant my head to the side, stretching the muscles in my neck when I noticed the difference. I actually laughed out loud. 

"New system my ass," I laughed, flipping the page upside down. It was exactly the same as mine, just upside down. I wondered whose idea that was; they must have thought they were so clever. I had no memories of faces or names of the people I had taught my system to, but I did remember thinking none of them were that good at cryptography. I could briefly recall the voice of one of them, some hotshot cryptographer for the K.G.B. who had been talking down to me because they had gone to school for mathematics and I had not. Then I whooped their ass decoding an American message much faster. I sighed, pushing that memory to the back of my mind; it wasn't important right now. 

After two more hours of decoding did I finally get somewhere. There was mention of a warehouse, one that I didn't remember from any of the other reports. It was implied to be one of Perseus' warehouses, used to store all sorts of goodies. It even gave the exact location. The message sent in response also mentioned a name, a demolition expert who was going to be managing inventory there for Persues. Both the messages were old, being sent before we put a stop to Operation Greenlight, but if no one knew of that warehouse… 

I grabbed the stack of papers and left my tiny room, wondering how I could get to Park. The person sitting at the desk at the entrance to records saw me and gave me an odd look. 

"Can you call Park for me?" I asked. "Or do you know where I could find her?" 

"Looking for Park and not me?" a different voice asked as the elevator doors slid open. Lazar. "And here I was bringing you lunch." He held up a wrapped sandwich in his hands. This time, I was paying attention as he threw it and caught the sandwich, nearly dropping the stack of papers I was holding. 

"Gee, thanks," I mumbled, trying to secure the pages before they fell. 

"You find something?" 

"Yeah. I think so. Maybe." 

"Alright!" Lazar sounded excited. "That's what I'm talking about!" He gave me a pat on the shoulder. "Let's go find Park." 

I followed Lazar back to the elevator, where he hit the button to the sixth floor. I found myself feeling nervous again, going to a different part of the building. There had been no one else in the basement with the records, other than the person running the desk, while the sixth floor had plenty of others walking around in the hallways. Some of them said hello to Lazar as we passed, a few of them looking at me curiously. I tried to ignore them. Finally, we got to Park's office at the end of the hallway. Lazar knocked a few times.

"Come in!" Park's voice could be heard through the door. We walked into the room, and I couldn't help but be impressed by the office. It was nice. Park clearly had quite the reputation here. She saw me walk in behind Lazar. "Learn something?" I nodded. "Personal, or business?" 

"Both, actually," I replied. "I brought the business." Park and Lazar raised their eyebrows. "It was just Perseus telling Aldrich to kill me after I was captured, nothing big." Neither of them said anything, although they did exchange a concerned look. "I know," I said for them. "He did an outstanding job of that." Lazar chuckled a little, and Park shook her head, not looking as amused by my comment. 

"Let's see what you got," she said, changing the subject. Lazar and I sat down in the chairs on the other side of her desk, and I handed over the messages I brought up. As I unwrapped the sandwich I had been given, I explained what I had found. 

"There was nothing about this place or this guy in the other Persues files you had given me," I said in between bites. "I figured it would be worth looking into." Park nodded. 

"Could be worth investigating." 

"Where is it?" Lazar asked. 

"My favourite," I mumbled. "West Berlin." 

"And this guy, Beck? You remember him?" I shook my head, balling up my sandwich wrapper. 

"They wouldn't," Park said for me. "He used to be on our side," she explained. "Disappeared around the time we were sneaking into K.G.B. H.Q." I nodded, briefly looking around Park's office for a garbage can. It was right behind Lazar. He noticed me looking,

"If you throw that at me-" he started, I interrupted him by purposely missing the garbage can, landing a perfect shot in on him. "That wasn't a fair hit," he mumbled, picking up the balled-up wrapper. He looked as if he was about to throw it back at me when Park reached over her desk and grabbed it from his hands, putting it in the garbage herself. Lazar leant over to me, "she's no fun," he whispered, causing me to laugh. 

"As I was saying," Park interrupted. "I'll see if we can get a team down there for us to check it out." 

"Why can't we go?" I asked, looking confused. "I mean, at this point, I'm your best source of info for Perseus. If I'm there, I'll be able to pick out anything important that may be lying around." 

"I wouldn't mind a trip back to West Berlin," Lazar said. "Maybe a nicer safehouse this time, though?" I nodded, agreeing with him. Park folded her arms across her chest. "Oh, c'mon," Lazar went on. "I know you want to get out of here too." She said nothing. Lazar fluttered his eyelashes, "Please?" he asked. Park raised her eyebrows. Lazar nudged me, and I followed suit, giving her the biggest puppy dog eyes I could muster. 

"Pretty please?" I asked. A small smile appeared on Park's face. 

"I'll have to run it up the chain first," she said, picking up the phone on her desk. 

"Yes!" Lazar exclaimed, offering me a high-five. Park shook her head as she watched us.

"I'm going to regret bringing the two of you with me to Berlin, aren't I?" 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, thanks for reading! 
> 
> I'm just popping in to share a Spotify playlist that I have made for this fic, just in case anyone is interested! The songs are in no particular order, and I'll likely add to it as time goes on.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2cRkur4tJmXNTOqAw4LtPl?si=59e390ac535a4d73

_ We are in KGB Headquarters. I am with Perseus. I am nervous, fiddling with the buttons on the suit jacket I had been given to wear. Usually, Perseus goes to these meetings alone. I don't know why I am here. From my understanding, he was getting close to the point where Moscow didn't want to know what Perseus was doing. None of them seemed to be on board with the idea of stealing an American nuke.  _

_ As I followed Perseus towards the meeting room, I found myself wishing that whoever we met would tell Perseus no, that he couldn't have the resupply he wanted. If they did, maybe they would pull me off of his team. I knew I wouldn't be able to go home, Perseus had made it apparent to the KGB that I was a valuable asset, but at least I wouldn't have to be a part of his plan anymore. There was still a rather nasty bruise on my side from the last time I tried to express my disagreements with Perseus. So, when he had asked me to join him today, I knew that saying no was out of the question.  _

_ We sit down in the conference room, Perseus ensuring that I am sitting beside him near the front of the table. Everyone else in the room looks at us cautiously. I can feel the sweat forming on the back of my neck as I look around at all of their faces. I can make out a few of them, Secretary Gorbachev, his security officer Belikov, and a few others I knew to be in intelligence.  _

_ They waste no time getting to business, getting right into what they want from Perseus and what Perseus wants from them. I am left out of the conversation for the most part, until… _

_ "I was not expecting you to give me what I asked for today," Perseus is saying. "That is why I came with a proposition." Everyone in the room looks at him, myself included, wondering what he is going to say. "I have heard that there is an American message to mole here that you have been unable to decode." I feel my face go white. That's why I am here. "You are all familiar with my cryptographer, no?" All eyes turn to me. "They are willing to look at your message for you. In exchange-" _

_ "Our top agents have been unable to decode this message," Belikov cuts in. "Even our best cryptographer, Portnova, hasn't been able to!" He gestures to a woman sitting near the end of the table, she crosses her arms over her chest.  _

_ "They can do it," Perseus says. He puts a hand on my shoulder, "Isn't that right?" I nod weakly, my nerves now all over the place. There is more chatter around the table. It is clear that whatever information is in the message they want to be decoded is good intel.  _

_ "They have an hour," Gorbachev finally says, standing up from the table. Everyone gets up to follow him. The message I was to look at is in the basement. I kept close to Perseus as we walk, resisting the urge I had to yell at him for putting me in this situation. If I couldn't decode this message, not only was he going to be pissed, but I will have made a fool out of the both of us in front of the entire KGB.  _

_ "What school did you go to?" a voice asks beside me. I turn to see the cryptographer from the conference room. Portnova.  _

_ "What?" I ask back, having missed the question.  _

_ "My dad was a professor at Moscow State. I was accepted into their mathematics program when I was thirteen," she boasts. "What about you?"  _

_ "Oh," I say. "I, uh, didn't go anywhere." This makes her laugh.  _

_ "And you think you can decode this message?" she laughs, seeming to be amused by this situation.  _

_ "Kripto," Perseus interjects as Portnova turns to walk away, clearly no longer interested in me. "You got this," he tells me. I force a smile. "You are from around here, no?" he asks me. I nod. "How is your brother?"  _

_ "He's, uh, he's good, I think," I stutter. "His graduation is coming up." This makes Perseus smile. _

_ "Well, maybe if you do well here, I can give you some time off to go see him!" He puts a hand around my shoulder as we are led into the KGB building's server room, pulling me in close. "And, if you don't…" he says quietly. I feel myself gulp. He gives me another pat on the shoulder as I am handed the message that I have an hour to decode and grins. "Good luck." _

I wake up as the car hits a pothole on the highway, startling me awake. I blink a few times, recalling where I was, where we were going. 

"Should be another hour, Zed," Park said from the front, noticing I was awake. 

"Already?" I asked, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. She nods. "And the safe house we are going to…?" I see Park roll her eyes in the mirror. 

"Should be nicer than the E9 house."

"MI6 safehouses got nothing on CIA ones," Lazar pipes in. I grin a little. 

"Park?" I ask a few moments later. "Don't suppose you, uh, injected me with some of that stuff while I was sleeping?" She raises her eyebrows. 

"I did not." 

"Did you have a memory?" Lazar asks, spinning around in the passenger seat to look at me. I nodded. 

"Yeah, it was weird." My sketchbook was in the bag I had sitting beside me, so I pulled it out. "Most of my other dreams," I started to explain as I flipped to a new page. "They're short, a combination of memories. This one was like this whole thing." I spent the rest of the car ride describing the dream to them as I drew. 

"Wait, you knew Belikov?" Lazar said once I was done talking. 

"I guess so." I thought for a moment. "I guess he must have forgotten my face when I went back with Adler." Park shook her head,

"Alder must have told him beforehand. He wouldn't want to risk having him say something to you that would set you off." 

"Or, he was just smart enough not to say anything," Lazar suggested. 

After we made it to the safe house, which was indeed nicer than the old warehouse we had been staying in the last time we were here, we grabbed some gear and made our way to the location of Perseus' storage warehouse. It felt weird being back in Berlin. The last time I was here, I wasn't myself, wasn't in control over my own actions. All the memories I had of my time here, when I was under Adler's control, were terrible. Yet, here I was, back in Berlin, this time of my own choosing. 

We set up in a small building across the road from the warehouse. It seemed to be some sort of mechanic shop that was long abandoned, making it easy for us to sneak inside and set up surveillance equipment across the street. Park got to work setting up audio equipment while Lazar decided to go and case the warehouse itself. I made my way up to the roof of our building, a camera in hand, to try and see who was going in and out of this place. 

There weren't many people around, but enough to imply that Perseus hadn't abandoned this place. That was promising. It also made me feel better about dragging us all out here, if there had been no activity here, the whole trip would have been for nothing. Well, almost nothing, I was pretty sure Lazar was still going to try and sneak into the East side to get a bottle of beer for Park, the bottle he had wanted to get the last time. 

A few hours passed, and nothing happened. Only one car had driven up the entire time, and only one person got out of it, leaving a single box by one of the doors. Park, who was listening to the inside of the building, wasn't even getting anything. The people inside weren't up to much, meaning neither were we. 

I pulled the camera, which I had been using as binoculars, away from my eyes, setting them on the table beside Park. 

"Having fun?" Lazar asked me, himself having given up on surveillance at least an hour ago to clean his pistol. I rubbed my eyes, 

"Oh, yeah. Tons." 

"Need I remind you two that you were the ones that wanted to come?" Park asked, one hand still on the headset on her ear. 

"Well, our last op here was exciting," I muttered, recalling sneaking through the streets of East Berlin. Lazar looked at me bewildered,

"Zed, you literally got kidnapped on that op."

"And?" This made Lazar laugh. I saw Park shaking her head. "Hey, if you wanted, I could go get myself kidnapped in there, check it out a little on the inside." 

"That would be exciting," Lazar agreed. 

"I don't think we're that desperate just yet," Park said, looking back out the window. 

"So, in like an hour then?" I suggested. Park laughed,

"Two." 

"I'm going to go sweep the perimeter again," Lazar decided, reloading his gun. I debated asking if I could join him, but Park held a hand up. 

"Hang on," she said, listening to the other end of her device. "We got movement." 

"Finally," I muttered, grabbing my camera back from the desk. I looked back over at the small garage door that led into the warehouse. Sure enough, it was open. A few men were standing beside it, waiting for something. I snapped a photo.

"Van coming in, east side," Lazar said. I shifted the camera to the street where an old van was pulling up. I snapped another photo. Lazar rubbed his hands together, "Free drinks to whichever one of us can guess what's in there." He thought for a second. "I'm going with guns." 

"I'll bite," I said, thinking. "The guy we're chasing is a demolitions expert, so I would say explosives." We looked to Park, who was still listening with her microphone. She shook her head. 

"Both of you are very, very, wrong," she sounded almost nervous. I zoomed in on my camera, looking at the van as the people driving opened the back door, guns ready. The men who had been standing outside stepped forward, pulling something out of the van. No, not something. Someone. 

"Oh, shit," I mumbled, snapping a picture. Whoever it was that they pulled out was trying to fight, but their hands were bound, a bag over their head. One of the people with guns used the back of the weapon to knock him out. They started to drag him into the building, and a second later, they were pulling two more people out of the back of the van, the same situation as the first. I took another photo.

"What are they saying?" Lazar asked Park. 

"Not much. Whoever those people are, their mouths are gagged. Sounds like they caught them sneaking into another one of their bases." 

"They're agents?" I asked. 

"Sounds like it." 

"Not very good ones," Lazar muttered. "Any idea from where?" Park shook her head. 

"No clue. But whoever these poor bastards are, they've really pissed off everyone inside." Park put down the headset she was using and looked between Lazar and me. "Someone up high wants to see them dead, but I'm not sure these people are going to have that long." 

"Well, Zed," Lazar started. "Looks like you got your excitement without needing to get kidnapped! Someone beat you to it!" 


	12. Chapter 12

Two hours later, we were in position. Park had run back to the safehouse, grabbing some extra gear for us and to radio back to MI6 about the situation, hoping to gain more information about who it was that we just saw get dragged into this warehouse but had no luck. However, they did give us the go-ahead to engage, despite the fact that any backup would be a few more hours away. 

While Park did that, Lazar and I got a better look at the building, scoping it out. Lazar ran the perimeter, making a note of all the possible exits or alarms, and I scaled my way up to the roof of the warehouse. Looking through the windows on top, I tried to get a sense of how many people we were dealing with, what kind of firepower they had, and most importantly, where they took their prisoners. The main part of the warehouse, the part that I could actually see, was fairly empty. There were a handful of shelves scattered about, each filled with boxes with Russian labels. 

"Well, I found the explosives," I said through my comms to Lazar. My camera was still on me, so I snapped another photo. 

"The prisoners?" Lazar asked back. I looked through the camera again. The warehouse had a handful of smaller rooms off to the side, and I could also make out a staircase leading to a basement. That staircase had the most amount of movement. 

"My best guess is the basement," I said, taking a photo of a pair of guards walking down the stairs. The three of us regrouped in the building where we had initially been. We geared up, putting on bulletproof vests, loading weapons, forming a plan, and courtesy of Lazar, a shot of whiskey to calm any nerves. We moved silently, sneaking across the street. Lazar swung around his sniper rifle and headed towards the roof while Park and I went towards the door. 

First, we took out the two guards standing outside the main door of the warehouse. Park and I flanked them, leaving the bodies hidden to the side. Since I had been the one surveying the inside of the building and knew the layout, I was on point. 

"You're clear to move," Lazar told us through the comms, watching the room from up top. I tucked my knife back into its sheath and pulled out my pistol, ensuring the silencer was securely attached. I slowly pushed open the door to the warehouse, firing two shots at the two guards standing near the entrance. Park and I rushed forward, grabbing their bodies before they hit the ground. "Good shooting as ever, Zed," Lazar commented as we dragged the bodies behind some of the shelves. 

"Still not sure where I learnt that one," I whispered back. 

"You got two more coming. Left side."

"I'll take the one on the right," Park said. I nodded, reloading my weapon. We took cover behind the shelves, waiting for the guards to walk past us, then we stepped out from our hiding places, taking them out. However, after we did so, we turned around to see a third person standing there, gun aimed at Park's head. He started shouting something in Russian when a bullet came from above, piercing him through the head. We both looked up to the glass windows on the roof.

"Okay, so maybe there were three," Lazar said, reloading the sniper. At the other end of the warehouse, more voices could be heard. 

"Brilliant," Park muttered, putting away her pistol and swinging around the assault rifle she had strapped to her back. I did the same. 

"Guess we're going loud," I said, flicking the safety off my weapon. The people in the warehouse were advancing towards us quickly. I heard Lazar fire another shot from his rifle. It was followed by the sound of a thud from the other end of the warehouse. "Just watch your shots," I said into the coms. "Those boxes are packed with explosives if just one gets detonated…" 

"Kaboom," Lazar finished for me, firing another shot. I glanced over at Park, seeing if she was ready. She gave me a nod, and we both popped out of our cover, taking down the enemies that had been advancing towards us. With Lazar up on the roof, it didn't take us long to clear the room. Park and I quickly swept the side rooms, making sure they were empty. 

"That felt too easy," I said, reloading my M-16. None of the side rooms even had anything that looked important, other than boxes of even more ammo and explosives. 

"The rest retreated to the basement," Lazar said, walking up behind us. "Every one of those fuckers is going to be waiting for us as soon as we walk down those stairs." He looked down at some of the bodies, noticing a nice-looking rifle on one of them. He put the sniper on his back and picked up the new rifle. 

"Is that the only way down?" Park asked. I nodded, looking around at the boxes stacked on the warehouse shelves. I walked over to one of them, grinning. 

"Do either of you know Russian?" I asked, nodding over to the box. 

"A little," Park replied. Lazar shook his head. They watched me curiously as I pulled the wooden crate off the shelf, grabbing my knife to pop it open. Over my shoulder, Lazar chuckled. 

"I like your thinking," he said, reaching into the box to grab a smoke grenade. He rolled it over in his hand, examining it. A second later, he tossed it to me. 

"Are you two still doing this?" Park asked, watching me struggle to catch the grenade before it hit the ground. I looked to Lazar, who shrugged. 

"Let's move," he said, not answering the question. Park looked at me. 

"That's a yes," I said to her. She rolled her eyes and started following Lazar to the staircase. 

"On your go, Zed," Park said to me, motioning to the smoke grenade in my hands. I looked to Lazar, who nodded. 

"Alright…" I pulled the pin on the smoke and tossed it down. As the smoke began to fill the room, we could hear the people downstairs shouting to one another. 

"I don't think I need to know Russian to know what they're saying," Lazar said, looking at me. I nodded,

"Someone probably needs to wash their mouths with soap," I laughed. Lazar descended the stairs first, then me, and Park last. The smoke covered everything, although Lazar did go through it, opening fire, clearing anyone who may be hiding in it and allowing the three of us to find cover. 

As the smoke began to clear, I was able to get a better idea of the situation. The staircase had led to a relatively small room with a long hallway going off from the side. Thanks to the smoke, we quickly cleared the people in the room, and then we took cover by the entrance to the hallway. 

"There's at least a dozen more!" Lazar shouted over top of the gunfire. I stuck my head around the corner, firing a couple of shots, but they started to find cover of their own in some of the doorways in the hallway. 

"Grenade!" Park called. My eyes glanced down at the ground, watching the grenade roll to Lazar's feet. He cursed and quickly picked the grenade up. 

"Here!" he said, throwing it to me. 

"What the fuck?!" I shouted, catching it and, without thinking, tossing it back to him. Lazar didn't hesitate to throw it back to me. 

"Idiots!" Park exclaimed, stepping in before I had the chance to throw it at Lazar again, grabbing the grenade and throwing it back down the hallway. It exploded before it had even hit the ground. Park shot us each a death glare. I faked a grin, clicking a fresh mag into my gun. 

"That means I won that one!" Lazar laughed, reloading his gun. 

"Like shit it does!" I shouted to him in between shots. 

"Tossing another smoke!" Park interrupted us. Lazar gave me a pat on the shoulder before making his way through the smoke. By the time this smoke cleared, we had taken down everyone downstairs. Park and Lazar started going through the rooms, eager to find the hostages. I looked over the bodies, noticing one had a radio on it that I quickly picked up, listening to the chatter coming through on the other end. 

"We got ten before reinforcements arrive," I translated. 

"We'll move fast then," Park said through the coms. "Find the hostages, grab any intel that looks important, and we are out." I clipped the radio to one of my straps and moved to the next room. 

"Jackpot," I said to myself, seeing the stacks upon stacks of paper, sticky notes up on the walls, and even a few photographs. I knew I didn't have time to sort through what was important, so I snapped a few photos and grabbed just a handful of papers and a floppy disk. 

"Over here!" Park called, interrupting my searching. As I headed out of the room, I noticed a small radio in the corner that gave me a thought. I flicked it on, wanting to see if the channel was playing any music. When it wasn't, I took a picture of the station; it had to be one that they used for messages. I left the room, jogging to catch up with Park.

She had found the interrogation room. A small glass window revealed the three people from the van tied down in chairs. The bags were still on their heads, making it hard to tell how much worse for wear they were. Park was trying to pick the lock on the door. I looked around the room, noticing a small key dangling off of a hook.

"I got it," Lazar said, walking into the room. Park moved aside, and Lazar made an attempt to kick the door open. I watched, amused, as he tried a few more times with no success. 

"Step aside," I told him.

"What makes you think you can-" I dangled the key off of my finger with a grin. "Not going to throw them?" he teased. I clicked the lock open and pulled the keys out, tossing them over my shoulder at his face. This made Park laugh. "Just open the door," Lazar muttered. "I'll keep watch." I obliged, swinging open the room, startling the people inside.

"Don't worry," Park said. "We're here to help." She pulled her knife out, going to cut the bonds of the closest one. I started going up to the next one. 

"Park? Is that you?" a gruff voice said from under one of the bags.

"Woods?" Park asked. 

"What the Hell are you doing here?" The second man said. Mason. A wave of anxiety flooded through me. I was just about to cut the rope on the only other person who hadn't spoken but stopped myself, opting to pull the bag off his head first. 

My first reaction was to laugh. For the past few weeks, I had been obsessed with thinking about what I would do if I ever saw this man again. My anger, betrayal, and sadness would bubble up, leading to thoughts of the various ways I could send this man to Hell, where he belonged. But now that he was here, in this situation where I was the one who was saving him, all I could do was laugh. Which I proceeded to do. The person in the chair looked up at me, his mouth falling open slightly like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. 

"Bell?!" he exclaimed. I looked down at Adler, 

"Well, this is awkward." 


	13. Chapter 13

"What the fuck?!" Woods was the next to speak. He looked at me, bewildered. "You were dead!" 

"They were," Adler said through gritted teeth. I looked back at Park, who looked almost as worried as I was beginning to feel. It felt like everything around me was going numb. I didn't want to do this. 

"Are you sure about that?" Mason asked, rubbing his wrists after Park cut his restraints. He looked over at me, then at Park, "Are they still-?" Park shook her head and opened her mouth to speak when Lazar burst into the room,

"We got company!" he exclaimed. "Let's-" he cut himself off, looking at who we had just rescued. He then looked at me. "And you thought tonight wouldn't be exciting." Multiple people in the room glared at him. "Really though, we might want to consider leaving. Now." He tossed the rifle in his hands towards Mason, who caught it. 

"Park-" Adler started, still tied down in the chair, but she interrupted him.

"We'll explain later. We have to go." She looked at me. "Zed, cut him loose." 

"Zed?" Woods asked, reloading the gun that Park had given him. 

"Sure we can't leave him here?" I asked towards Park, but she ignored me. I sighed and pulled out my knife. "Even you have to admit, the irony of this situation is quite hilarious," I said to Adler as I cut the ropes around his hands. For a brief moment, we stared at each other, neither of us knowing what the other was going to do. 

The sounds of gunfire from upstairs snapped us both back to attention. I quickly swung my M-16 back around and went to rejoin Park and the others. It was another few seconds before Adler began to follow. I jogged up the stairs, seeing that they were taking cover behind a few knocked-over tables against what appeared to be an army at the other end of the warehouse. I crouched down beside Park. She looked at me, worry in her eyes. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Just great," I huffed back, peering over our cover. 

"I promise you, I didn't know," Park went on. 

"I know," I told her, firing a few shots. "It's fine. I just-" A bullet whizzed over my head, and I ducked back down. "I just really would like to get out of here." 

"Back door's no good," Lazar said, sliding over to us. "Three more cars pulling up. We might be able to get out one of the side doors, but we'd have to make it through that," Lazar motioned towards the hoard of hostiles at the other end of the warehouse and the lack of cover between them and the side door in question. Park cursed, and Lazar looked at me, about to say something.

"I'm fine!" I exclaimed, emptying another mag at the enemies. Lazar shook his head, 

"I was going to say good job for not killing him yet." 

"What's the plan here, Park?!" Adler's voice interrupted us. He was taking cover on the staircase still, wielding one of the weapons from the bodies downstairs. Somehow, he had sunglasses back on his face. 

"Working on it!" she shouted back. She looked back at me, "Any ideas?" I thought for a second, looking around the warehouse. The boxes upon boxes of explosives scattered around were starting to make me more nervous. I had a feeling that if Woods found out was inside of them, he wouldn't hesitate to try and use it to our advantage. Although, now that I thought about it… 

"Well, I do have one thought. It will either provide a big enough distraction for us to run to the side door before the entire warehouse blows up  _ or _ blow us to bits instantly." 

"I like those odds!" Lazar laughed. I looked to Park, I could see she was debating the options, but she knew we were running out of time. If the hostiles started coming through the back door as well, we would be even more fucked than we already were. She cursed again. 

"Go!" she told me. I nodded.

"Lazar, with me!" I exclaimed. "See that crate on the bottom shelf?" 

"The one in the middle of the fucking room?!" 

"That's the one we need," I explained. Lazar took a deep breath, steadying the gun in his hands. "Cover us!" I shouted over my shoulder. 

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Adler started to shout. Luckily, everyone else got the message and started laying down cover fire as Lazar and I ran to the crate in question, where there was just enough cover for the two of us. Together, we pulled it off of the shelf, bullets raining down around us. I pulled out my knife, popping the crate open, revealing a box packed with C4. Lazar whistled,

"This is your plan?" 

"You got anything better?" He shook his head. I grabbed two of the devices from the crate, arming them. I handed one to Lazar. "Throw it as far as you can. We'll run back to the others, detonate them, then run like Hell to that side door." Lazar grinned a little bit, readying his arm. 

"Bet I can throw mine further than yours," he said with a smirk. 

"Not the time, you two!" Park shouted into our coms. Both Lazar and I laughed. 

"On three!" I told him, also getting ready to toss my C4. I counted down, and the two of us threw the C4s as far down the warehouse as we possibly could. Unfortunately, we both had to duck back behind cover, so we were unable to see which made it further. Somehow, the C4 didn't explode upon hitting the ground, and I readied the detonators in my hand. "We ready?!" I shouted towards the others. 

"I'll get the door for us," Lazar said. 

"Sure you can kick this one open?" I teased. 

"On your go, Zed!" Park exclaimed. I looked down at the detonator in my hands. At least if we were all going to die here, I would have satisfied my desire to kill Adler, so that was a bonus. 

"This is a terrible idea," I muttered, pressing the red button. 

A lot happened in the next few seconds. Sure enough, the C4 we had thrown went off, rocking the entire building. It was enough to knock a few of the people shooting at us and stop the rest of them from shooting as the fire began to spread. Simultaneously, Lazar ran first towards the door, kicking it open effortlessly. As this happened, the back door of the warehouse finally swung open, with multiple people coming through. I spun around with my M-16 and started firing towards the door, allowing the rest of my side to make a run for the side door. Once they had all made it, Woods stopped by the exit door and started providing cover fire for me to run out. Not half a second later, after I stepped out of the building, more explosions could be heard. 

A blast launched me forward several feet before crashing me into the pavement. I tried to sit up, but the world started to spin. There was a loud ringing in my ears. I blinked a few times, trying to stop the flashing lights in the back of my mind. I looked towards the warehouse, seeing a giant wall of flame erupting from the roof. 

"That was badass!" a voice exclaimed. I looked up to see Woods offering me a hand to stand back up, which I took. I rubbed the back of my head, feeling a bit of blood trickling down my neck. 

"Is everyone okay?" Park shouted over the sound of the flames and the explosions that were still going off inside the warehouse. I looked around, counting how many of us were here. A second later, a hand was in my chest, pushing me backwards. 

"What the fuck, Bell?!" Adler shouted in my face. I caught myself before I stumbled to the ground. As he said the name Bell, I felt a wave of rage flood through me.

"You motherfucker-" I started, launching myself at him. He didn't have time to react before my fist collided with his nose with a satisfying crunch. 

"Woah!" Someone had grabbed my arms, pulling me back. Woods. Adler used his hand to wipe off some of the blood under his nose and took a step towards me, clearly intending to return the favour. Lazar grabbed his arms, holding him back. 

"Enough!" he exclaimed. Down the street, more vehicles were approaching, no doubt even more reinforcements. "We have to go!" My fists were still curled as I squirmed myself out of Woods' grasp. As much as I wanted to take another hit at Adler, I looked to Park. 

"Our ride is back here!" she decided. Lazar let go of Adler, and I watched curiously, wondering if he was going to try and punch me again. He spit a gob of blood on the ground, making me smirk. The five of us ran back to where we had been surveilling from, piling into the truck we had driven here in. I made sure I was fast enough to grab shotgun, not wanting to sit by any of our recent additions. 

"I hope you have a safe house," Mason said from the backseat as Park put the car into drive. "Our is burnt. That's how they found us." Park said nothing, focusing on the road. If we had a tail, we had lost it after we drove past a series of emergency vehicles that were barreling towards our mess. After a few more minutes of driving, it was quiet again. I was thankful for the window between where I was sitting and the box of the truck where Adler was. I had no idea what to expect once we arrived, and there was an actual chance to talk. I tried to think about what I could say, but I felt myself getting nervous, scared even. 

"Is everyone okay?" Park asked, looking back briefly as she drove. Lazar was in the box of the truck with Adler and Woods; he was currently wrapping a wound on Woods' arm. 

"I'm fucking starving!" Woods could be heard from the box. Mason rolled his eyes,

"We'll live," he told Park. I brought a hand back up to the back of my head, feeling a bit of blood still trickling down. Park noticed and was about to say something.

"I'm fine," I told her. "Just…" I trailed off, trying to get a look at Adler through the mirror. She nodded,

"We won't let anything happen to you," she said, loud enough for only me to hear. I nodded weakly, already feeling bad for being the topic of arguments. Park pulled the truck into the garage of the MI6 safehouse, a small house near the edge of the city, and I quickly jumped out of the truck. Adler was already in my face when I closed the door to the truck. 

"You shouldn't be alive," he stated. I ignored him and pushed past him into the house. "Bell!" Adler shouted behind me. I curled my hands into balls, trying to resist the urge I had to try and make his broken nose even worse. "Bell!" 

"I'm not Bell," I hissed over my shoulder. Adler scoffed,

"Oh, yeah?" He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Bell," he started. "We've got a job-" Before he could say anything more, I had lunged towards him, pulling my knife out of its sheath. I held it up to his throat.

"Care to finish that sentence?" I asked, pressing the tip of the knife just enough into his neck that a drop of blood dripped down. Even though he hadn't even finished the line, I could hear a ringing in the back of my head, the way it back when they would-

"Zasha…?" I heard Lazar warn. I turned my head, noticing that both Woods and Mason had their guns aimed at me, and Park and Lazar were aiming at them. I looked back at the knife that I still had against Adler's throat. The ringing in my head only grew the longer I looked at him, the echoing of the trigger phrase playing in my head. I huffed in frustration and lowered my knife. Adler motioned for Mason and Woods to put their guns down, and Park and Lazar followed suit. 

A heavy silence hung in the air, despite the ringing in my ears. I put a hand on my head, wishing for the pain to stop. I felt a hand on my shoulder. 

"Deep breaths, Zed," Lazar told me. I nodded, trying to put a stop to the ringing. In the background, I could hear Adler laugh. 

"Still think you're not Bell?" he asked. This time Lazar stopped me from attacking Adler again. 

"Hey!" he shouted to Adler while keeping me in place. "If it wasn't for them, you'd still be rotting in that warehouse like you deserve!"

“Bullshit,” Adler scoffed. 

“Fuck, if it wasn’t for you wiping their brain,” Lazar jabbed a finger in Adler’s chest. “They would have helped us stop Perseus without all the shit  _ you  _ put us through!” At this, everyone started shouting—all of them arguing with each other, all about me. 

It was loud. The more they shouted, the more the name Bell was tossed around, the more the ringing in my head grew. It felt like my head was going to explode. I put a hand to the back of my head, noticing that it was still bleeding, and a wave of nausea flooded through me. The ringing grew louder, now starting to drown out the sounds of fighting, and I shut my eyes, wanting it to stop.

But when I shut my eyes, all I saw were memories that weren't mine. I saw Vietnam. I saw Alder and me laughing. Something in my brain was trying to convince me that I was there, right this second. I wanted to scream. The ground seemed to disappear from under me, and all of a sudden, I was on the floor. For a brief second, I saw Alder in front of me, Vietnam Adler. Smiling. And a second after that, it all went black.


	14. Chapter 14

_ "What are you doing?!" I exclaim in a harsh whisper.  _

_ "I wanted to see you," Dedov says, a small smile on his face.  _

_ "Are you insane?!" I ask, offering him a hand to help him climb in through the window to my office at one of Persueus' hideouts. "If they find you here-"  _

_ "Zeze," he interrupts, his voice soft. I close my mouth, a frown falling over my face.  _

_ "What's wrong?"  _

_ "Nothing," the smile on his face grows a little. He hands me a piece of paper. I look down at it, a grin growing on my face as well.  _

_ "You got accepted?" I ask, handing him back the letter from Yale, giving him a pat on the shoulder. "How did you even apply?" As I ask, the grin on his face falls.  _

_ "I, uh," he scratches the back of his head. My eyes go wide, _

_ "Dede…"  _

_ "I'll be fine!" he interrupts. "I-I just need to find a way out." I don't say anything. "Maybe, once I do, I'll be able to help you get out-" _

_ "Don't talk like that," I interrupt him, nervously glancing towards the door. _

_ "But you said you wanted to leave-" I shush him, _

_ "Just suggesting that could get us both killed!" I speak in a harsh whisper. I look back down to the letter in his hands, "This is dangerous, Dedov."  _

_ "I didn't come to ask for permission," he starts. I shake my head.  _

_ "Are you sure this is what you want?" He nods. "Okay. Then that's what I want." I sigh, "Don't do anything yet, though. Just, just give me some time, I-I can get a message to someone, I'm sure. There's got to be someone who will help us."  _

_ "Thanks for the help, Bell," a voice says. Suddenly, I am no longer in my office but in the jungles of Vietnam. Adler gives me a pat on the back. "I knew we could count on you."  _

_ "Happy to assist!" I chirp back. My voice is happy and full of energy. There is still a rifle in my hands, dried blood covering it. "I just hope this intel is worth all the trouble."  _

_ "It is," Adler smiles. "If it wasn't, do you think they would've sent that many chasing us?" I start laughing with him.  _

_ "Was kinda fun," I laugh.  _

_ "Oh, is that what you were doing ahead of me? Having fun?"  _

_ "Maybe next time you can keep up and see for yourself," I tease, giving him a playful nudge. Adler rolls his eyes behind his sunglasses. "C'mon, we're only a few miles out now. Think you can handle that?"  _

"Zasha," someone says, shaking my shoulder gently. I blink a few times, trying to recall where I was. Hell, for a brief moment, I wasn't quite sure of who I was. "You're a bit concussed. We didn't want you sleeping for too long," the voice goes on. I blink a few more times, trying to steady myself. 

"Park?" I finally ask. She nods,

"How do you feel?" 

"Confused," I admit. I look around at my surroundings. I'm in the living room of the MI6 safe house. I sit up a little on the couch. "How long was I-?" 

"Just a few hours," Park explains. I nodded, bringing a hand to the back of my head. I winced as my fingers brushed over some stitches. I look around the house a little more, noticing it is quiet. 

"Where is everyone?" 

"Lazar, Mason, and Woods went to find a Burger Town. Adler…." she trailed off, waving a hand in the air to signify that she didn't know. "He took off after it was mentioned that you had been trying to defect." I frowned; part of me was a little sad that I hadn't been the one to accuse him of it. "Here," Park said, quickly changing the topic. She handed me a glass of water and a couple of painkillers. I muttered thanks and swallowed the pills, drinking the entire glass. 

"I'm sorry," I said a second later.

"For?" 

"You know…" I looked down at the glass in my hands. "Me being here didn't exactly make things go smoothly, and-"

"Zasha, are you trying to apologize for still being alive?" Park interrupted me. I nodded, and she rolled her eyes. "Well, you shouldn't." 

"But, Adler said-" 

"Who gives a fuck about what Adler says?" she interrupted me. "That man's head is so far up his own ass that it's a wonder he can still walk straight." I grinned a little, setting my glass down on the table. I noticed my sketchpad was sitting where I had left it last night, so I picked it up, wanting to draw the scene of Dedov from my last dream. However, as I drew, Park was still looking at me, worried. 

"It started happening again," I started. "Back when he said those words, everything just got so loud." I put my head in my hands. "It was like whatever you guys did to me was trying to come back or something. My head started to ring, a-and those memories were trying to come back. I was so scared I was going to forget everything…" I trailed off, realizing I had been rambling. 

"I'm so sorry, Zasha," Park said quietly. She placed a hand on my arm. I looked up at her from my drawing,

"It's not your fault," I told her. She opened her mouth to say something, but I interrupted her. "Tell you what. I'll stop apologizing for being alive if you stop apologizing for brainwashing me?" This made her grin a little.

"Deal," she held her hand out for me to shake it. "Let me know if it starts happening again, okay? I don't really know how or why that still happened, but we can figure something out." I nodded. "And, you are more than welcome to punch him again if he tries to say the phrase," Park added. I grinned. 

"Thanks." I ran a hand through my hair, trying to process the events of last night. "Where did you put the stuff I got from the warehouse?" I asked Park. 

"Over here." She led me over to the kitchen, where the small collection of items I collected was laid out on the table. "None of us could make anything out of it, and that floppy disk needs to be decrypted." 

"Sounds like I got my work cut out for me." I sat down at the table, trying to decide where I wanted to start. I figured the best place to start was finishing my drawing. 

"Lazar and them should also be bringing back some supplies so we can develop those photos you took." As if on cue, the door to the safehouse swung open. 

"Six fucking blocks!" Woods exclaimed upon walking in. "It took us six fucking blocks, but we did it!" He proudly held up two large bags of fast food. Mason and Lazar trailed in behind him, each with an additional bag of Burger Town. The smell of grease filled the room, making my stomach growl. 

"Is there an army that we're feeding that I don't know about?" Park inquired, looking at all of the food. 

"Yeah," Mason muttered, putting down his bag on the table. "Woods." This made Woods chuckle,

"Army of one, baby!" he laughed, pulling out a handful of fries from one of the bags. 

"Good to see you're up, Zasha," Lazar said. "How are you feeling?" 

"Hungry," I said, making him grin a little.

"That we can fix," he reached into the bag he was carrying and pulled out a small wrapped cheeseburger, which he proceeded to throw at me from across the room. 

"Motherfucker-" I started, scrambling to try and catch it. My success was limited however, and the burger bounced off my hands and onto the floor. "That one wasn't fair," I said, holding a finger up. "I  _ am _ concussed." Lazar cracked a grin,

"That your excuse for last time, too?" 

"I believe the last time was actually me succeeding and hitting you in the face with those keys," I countered.

"What-?" Woods started to ask. 

"Don't," Park cut him off with a sigh. 

"Hey, wait," Lazar went on, ignoring Woods and Park. "My C4 went way further than yours!" He looked at the others, "Right?" 

"I wouldn't say it was  _ way _ further…" Mason said. 

"Woah, hang on!" Woods cut him off. "Bell's- er, Zed's definitely went further!" 

"Thank you!" I exclaimed. 

"No, no, that makes it a tie." Lazar looked to Park. "C'mon. You're the deciding vote." Park folded her arms over her chest,

"I'm not getting involved in this." All four of us booed. "Fine," she sighed. "It was Lazar's." 

"Damn rights!" Lazar cheered. He and Mason high-fived. I shook my head, taking a bite out of my burger in defeat. 

"Psh," Woods leant over to me. "She's biased. Cause, you know," he nudged my shoulder and made a not so subtle inappropriate gesture with his hands, causing me to practically choke on my burger as I laughed. Park smacked him on the side of the head, making me laugh even more. "Kidding!" he exclaimed. Park turned around to grab a burger for herself. "I wasn't," Woods whispered, causing Park to spin around. He held his hands up defensively before she smacked him again. This time Mason started laughing with me.

"Arsehole," she muttered, causing all of us to chuckle, except Lazar, whose face was bright red. As everyone started eating, the noise died down until the room was silent. An awkward sort of silence. Considering everything that had happened in the last twelve hours, it was pretty clear that no one wanted to talk about it. 

"Still nothing from Adler?" Lazar asked after thirty seconds. Park shook her head. Now the silence was even more awkward. I quickly ate the rest of my meal and picked my pencil back up, wanting to finish the drawing of Dedov. Park finished eating and excused herself to go get started on developing the photos I had taken. Lazar wasn't far behind her, leaving me with Woods and Mason in the kitchen. 

"What, uh," Mason piped up after a few more minutes of silence. "What are you drawing?" he asked me. I looked up from the sketchpad,

"Oh," I thought for a second. "It just helps me keep track of the memories I get back," I rubbed the back of my neck, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Woods nudged Mason,

"I remember when you tried to do that!" he said. "Except yours looked like shit!" Mason rolled his eyes. 

"The doctor said they were fine…" he muttered. I narrowed my eyes, feeling slightly confused.

"You lost your memory?" I asked. The next look that went over his face indicated that I was approaching a very sensitive subject. "Sorry," I quickly said. "You probably don't want to-"

"It's a long story," he interrupted me. I nodded and looked back to my drawing, dropping the subject. Although, as I continued to draw, I could see both of them trying to get a better look at what I was doing. Finally, I sighed. "If I let you see them, will you stop watching me like that?" Mason averted his eyes from the drawing and muttered a sorry at the same time Woods said yes. Mason smacked him. 

"What?! They offered!" he said, holding his hands up defensively. I rolled my eyes but flipped to my first drawing and slid the book over. As they flipped through my drawings, it got quiet again. I nervously fiddled with my pencil, starting to regret my choice of sharing that with even more people. The two would look at the drawings, then up at me, then back down, not sure what to say.

"Zasha?" Park called from a room over. I said a silent thank you and bolted from the table before either of them had the chance to talk to me about those drawings. Lazar and Park were in a makeshift red room. I slipped inside, careful not to let too much light in. 

"Yeah?" I asked, looking at the two of them. Park held a picture up. 

"This was in the warehouse?" she asked. I took the picture. It was one of the photos I had taken in the room where I had found all of the documents. 

"Yeah. Think it's important?" Park nodded, a small smile on her face as she took the photo back. 

"MI6 has been interested in this guy for a while," she tapped one of the sticky notes that was in the picture. "If he's involved with this Beck fellow, and Beck is involved with Perseus…" I matched her grin,

"Well, I guess I better start decoding those messages then, huh?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are interested, you can check me out on tumblr at Mozambique-and-a-Dream! I am more than happy to take questions about this fic, or anything really! Or if you just want to chat! It also has my commissioning and tipping info (in case anyone out there wants to help fun my season 2 battle pass) 
> 
> Thank you for reading and for all of the support for this fic, it makes me very happy to see you all enjoying it! Expect the next chapter in two days' time...


	15. Chapter 15

It didn't take me too long to start getting somewhere with the information I recovered from the warehouse before we blew it to bits. While it wasn't much, my instincts had been right about what was more important, and I was able to compare what I decoded with the information Park had about the guy we were looking for. 

It seemed like the person whose name was on the sticky note was a supplier for this Ingo Beck fellow, who, as we already knew, worked for Perseus. I was still working on trying to crack open the floppy disk I had taken; I knew the code had to be hidden in the information but actually finding it was the issue. At the moment, I had everything spread out over the floor of the living room, papers and documents scattered all around me. 

What amazed me most out of everything was the fact that even though these messages were between Beck and his supplier, the messages were still encrypted using the system I had created for Persues. I wondered how many people they had taught it to at this point. I knew Perseus wouldn't want that many to know; I mean, what if they got captured by the C.I.A or something? It must mean that whatever cryptographer or two he got to replace me was also tied up in the middle of this. I tried not to think about if whoever it was even wanted to be working for them in the first place.

Park and the others had offered to help me decode the messages as at the moment I was the only one in the safehouse doing any actual work, but when I tried to explain it to them, it went right over their heads. Woods couldn't understand step one and had wandered off, angry at the Russian language. Lazar and Mason followed until step two before giving up and went off to finish developing the photos I had taken, and Park would get stuck around step three. Instead, I started giving Park the decoded messages, hoping maybe the code to the floppy disk would make sense to her. 

It wasn't until Lazar brought out another batch of photos that I realized what I was missing. 

"Was it really necessary to take a photo of the radio, Zasha?" Lazar asked, holding the photo up to me. My eyes went wide as I looked at it.

"Yes!" I exclaimed, jumping up off the floor to grab it. "I completely forgot about that!" I quickly looked around the living room of the safe house, doing a few circles until I spotted a radio in the corner. Flicking it on, I spun the dial until it matched the frequency of the radio in the photo. Sure enough, there was nothing but static, just like it had been back in the warehouse. 

"Wha-" Lazar started to ask, but I held a finger up, listening. A few seconds later, within the static, there was a slight click. A grin spread over my face. 

"Did you hear that?" I asked. Everyone looked at me like I had lost my mind. I waited for another click. "There!" 

"Ooh, a broken radio station," Woods said, nodding his head. I rolled my eyes, waiting for another click, counting the seconds in between.

"It means something," I explained. There was a pattern in the clicks. Six seconds, click, seven seconds, click, five seconds, two clicks, six seconds, back to one. 

"Alright, sure," Woods muttered, already bored. 

"What does it mean?" Park asked. 

"It-" I cut myself off, realizing I didn't know the answer. I bit my bottom lip, trying to think. "T-there's a system. To the number of clicks and seconds between, I just…" I trailed off, feeling frustrated. "I don't remember it." 

"It'll come to you," Lazar assured me. "Why don't you take a break?" he suggested. I was about to protest; after all, there was still a lot that I did remember how to do, but the front door to the safehouse swung open, fully interrupting everything. 

Alder walked in, a cigarette between his lips. Instead of closing the door behind him, two more people followed him in, and I started to get nervous again. As they walked in, Sims and Hudson looked at me with disbelief. 

"Told you," Adler grumbled, taking another drag from his cigarette. 

"What's this?" Lazar was the first to ask, casually stepping in front of me as if to defend me. I wanted to push him away to show I didn't need to be protected, but I was starting to get scared. If there had ever been anyone that wanted me dead more than Adler, it was Hudson. Even when I was brainwashed this man still didn't trust me, and I was pretty sure he had more authority than Adler did. 

"Adler, what the fuck?!" Park exclaimed, walking into the room. "This isn't your safe house." 

"Yeah, well ours is burnt-" Adler started, but Park folded her arms across her chest. 

"That doesn't mean you can just bring whoever-"

"Enough," Hudson decided to cut in. "What are  _ they _ doing here?!" he asked, his voice harsh as he looked at me. "Bell is supposed to be dead!"

" _ Zasha _ is helping us find Perseus!" Park matched Hudson's tone. 

"They don't belong to you!" Hudson countered. 

"And they sure as shit don't belong to you!" 

"We made Bell!" Adler jumped back into the conversation. I felt myself curl my hands into fists. 

"You  _ destroyed me _ !" I exclaimed, finally having enough. I pushed past Lazar, my face red. "I didn't even have a choice to join the military, much less work for Perseus! I hated all of them! The things they made me do…" I forced myself to take a deep breath. "I was trying to get out of there, to get my brother out so he could have an actual life! I knew what Perseus was planning and was going to help stop him, on my own accord! But  _ you _ ," I growled. "You decided to wipe all of it!" 

"It was easier that way," Adler huffed. I nearly laughed.

"In what fucking universe?!" 

"We already had spies within our network!" Adler yelled. "We couldn't trust our own men! How were we supposed to trust a fucking Soviet?!" I shook my head, looking around at the others in the room, debating how many of them would try to stop me if I took a swing at Adler. I figured my best bet was going to be to just walk away.

"Fuck you," I said, turning around.

"Bell!" Hudson called. Over my shoulder, I tossed up the middle finger. 

"Real mature, Bell," Adler grumbled. "Enough of this. Bell, we got a job-" This time, it was not me that ended up punching Adler in the face. 

"Leave them alone!" Mason growled, placing his fist directly in between Adler's eyes. Adler stumbled backwards and Mason punched him again, right in the gut. In my head, I could hear the ringing of the bell again, even though Adler hadn't even finished the phrase. 

"Mason!" Hudson exclaimed, attempting to pull him away from Adler as he went in for another hit. Mason elbowed Hudson in the ribs,

"Is this some kind of sick joke to you?!" Mason yelled in Hudson's face. 

"Hey, Alex," Woods interrupted, gently placing his hand on Mason's shoulder. He put a hand out to Hudson, letting him know he had this. "Let's get some air," he said calmly, leading Mason outside, despite his protesting. 

Like the last time, the ringing in my head kept going. I stumbled backwards, looking for the couch. Luckily, Park was looking out and caught me before I hit the ground. 

"Is it happening again?" I could hardly hear her ask me, and I weakly nodded. "Let's get you some water." I felt myself being guided to the kitchen. 

"We're not done here!" I heard Hudson's voice. 

" _ Yes _ , we are," Park snapped back. She helped me sit down at the table, and a glass of water was placed in my hands. My hands were shaking as I brought the cup to my lips. 

"Here, Zasha," Lazar said. I wasn't quite sure when he had walked into the room. He placed my sketchpad in front of me, opening it up to one of the drawings of my brother. "Try to remember these instead," his voice was soft. I nodded again, looking down at the picture. These were my real memories, not the flashes of Vietnam I saw behind my eyelids. I flipped the drawing to the one of my father, trying to take a few deep breaths. 

A few minutes passed, and everything started to fade. When I blinked, I stopped seeing memories that didn't belong to me, the ringing in my ears got quieter. My head no longer felt like it would crack open but rather turned into a dull ache. I flipped the sketchbook to a different drawing of Dedov, the most recent depiction of him, and I sighed, putting my head into my hands. 

"How are they doing?" I heard a quiet voice coming from the doorway to the kitchen. I was pretty sure it was Woods. 

"Well, I haven't passed out yet," I muttered, answering the question instead of whoever Woods had asked. 

"Mason?" Park asked him. 

"He's taking a breather." Woods sighed and lowered his voice, "You know he was never cool with the creation of Bell, naturally, and all of this today?" he trailed off. 

"Maybe they can help each other," Park suggested, her voice quiet as well. I opened my mouth, about to ask what they meant, but when I lifted my head again, the ringing got loud , causing me to cry out a little in pain. "Zasha?" Park started, rushing over to me. I put a hand out, trying to signify that I was fine when behind her, I saw Wood's face light up.

"I have an idea!" he exclaimed, running over to the fridge. 

"What-?" Park started to ask as he frantically dug around the fridge. 

"When Mason would have moments like this-- aha!" He pulled out a jar of pickles from the fridge. My eyes narrowed as I watched him grab a glass and pour some of the pickle juice into it. "Drink this," he said, handing it to me. 

"I'd rather not." 

"Trust me. The smell and taste are so strong that it will throw your system off of whatever is going on up there," Woods tapped the side of his forehead. "We had better results with hot sauce, but there wasn't any in there." My eyes went wide, and I looked at Park. 

"Worth a try," she told me. I frowned, looking down at the pickle juice. I brought the glass up to my nose and smelt it, my whole face twisting in disgust. 

"Take it like it’s a shot of tequila," Woods told me, taking a bite out of one of the pickles he had pulled from the jar. I wanted to refuse, but if I had that ringing in the back of my head any longer… 

"Cheers," I muttered, tipping back the glass. I slammed the empty glass on the table as I felt the vinegar burn down my throat, causing me to gag a little. " _ Fuck _ !" I exclaimed, causing Woods to start laughing. I glared at him. 

"Hey!" he held his hands up defensively. "But, how do you feel?" I pondered over the question, turning my attention back to myself. Somehow, the ringing wasn't nearly as loud. 

"You better pour me another one of those…" I muttered, sliding the glass across the table. Woods laughed again as he filled the glass back up. This time I didn't hesitate and downed the shot. 

"Man," Woods chuckled, "The two of us have got to go to the pub sometime…" 


	16. Chapter 16

_ "Zasha?" a soft voice says. I sit up in my bed, _

_ "Dedov?" It is the middle of the night. Dedov stands in front of me, his stuffed rabbit in his hands. He can't be any older than six at the time. That means I can't be older than 11. "What's the matter?"  _

_ "I had a bad dream," he sniffles. "I went to go see Ma and Pa, but they not there…" he lets out a small sob. "You said they would be home when I woke up!"  _

_ "Oh, Dede," I say, my voice soft. "Come here," I lift up my blankets so that he can crawl into the bed beside me. "I'm sure they will be home soon," I can feel myself lying. If they were making Ma stay at the hospital another night… Dedov sniffles again. "You better not be snotting up my pillow," I tease, poking him in the side where I know he is ticklish. He giggles a little and makes an attempt to kick me under the blankets, making me smile a little. I lay back down, tucking the two of us under the covers. I put my hand on his head, stroking his hair to help him relax.  _

_ "Zasha?"  _

_ "Yeah?"  _

_ "Can we turn on the music?" He rolls over and looks up at me with those big blue eyes.  _

_ "You know what Pa would say…"  _

_ "We don't have to tell him! Please?" He makes a pouty face, and I sigh, _

_ "Only if you promise to go right to sleep."  _

_ "I promise!" He flashes me a grin, and I shake my head as I reach over to the radio that sits on the bedside table. I put my hand on the knob, twisting it to the station I knew to play classical music. _

_ When I take my hand off of the knob, I am no longer with Dedov but rather in one of Perseus' safe houses. _

_ "Did you find the station?" Perseus asks.  _

_ "Yes, sir." The radio is full of static; I can hear the odd clicking in the background. _

_ "Good. They decided to change the pattern again," he puts a piece of paper in front of me, on it a chart featuring explanations to help decode the clicking noises. _

_ "Again?" I complain.  _

_ "Will that be an issue?" His tone is harsh all of a sudden. I quickly shake my head. "We can never be too careful. Let me know when you make sense of it."  _

_ "Yes, sir," I say again.  _

_ "And Kripto?" I look up at him from my desk. He taps the watch on his wrist. "Quickly."  _

I wake up and instantly bolt upright, the image of the graph still in the back of my mind. That was it! At the moment, I was currently laying on the floor of one of the two bedrooms in the safe house, Lazar having kicked me out of the bed for him and Park. The small electronic clock told me that it was two in the morning, but I knew I needed to get this down on paper before I forgot again. I grabbed my sketchbook, which was also on the floor and crept out of the bedroom; I needed light in order to work. 

The living room was also dark; I could make out someone sleeping on the couch and another person on the ground. I tiptoed my way around them towards the kitchen, where I noticed one of the lights was still on. Curious, I stuck my head past the door frame, praying to God that it wasn't Adler that was still up. 

Sims was sitting at the table, a glass of whiskey in front of him. I thought about turning around and going to turn on the light in one of the bathrooms, but when I moved again, he looked up from his drink, seeing me in the doorway. He didn't say anything as I sat down at the table as well. He just watched curiously as I ripped out an empty page from the sketchbook and began to draw the decoding chart from my dream. 

Once I had the chart down, I crept back into the living room, grabbed the small radio, and took it back to the kitchen. Sims watched me, even more confused than before, as I flicked it on to listen to the frequency of the clicks again. I scribbled down the numbers and looked back to the chart, trying to place them in it, but none of it made sense. They changed the system since that memory.

"Dammit!" I exclaimed under my breath. I pushed the paper away from me, looking up to see Sims staring at me, eyebrows raised. I put a hand on my head. "I thought I figured it out," I muttered. I figured there had to be a way for me to take what I remember and transfer it to the new system; a feeling in my gut told me I knew the pattern to do so. It was just going to be more work. With a sigh, I grabbed a new piece of paper; I had to start somewhere. 

"You are aware it is two in the morning?" Sims finally spoke, taking a sip out of his drink. 

"You're still awake," I pointed out, not looking up from my paper. He laughed a little,

"If you had some of the shit I have up here from 'Nam-" he cut himself off as I glared at him. "Fuck. Well, I guess it does make sense then why you're up." I looked back down at my work, shaking my head. A few moments passed, and I heard Sims sigh. "Look, Zasha," he started. "Am I saying that right?" I leant back in my chair, folding my arms, 

"You gotta say it with a Russian accent." 

"Yeah, I'm not doing that," he said, finishing off his drink. "I just want you to know, I never would have helped them if I knew that you were trying to, you know. Alder told me that-"

"It's fine," I cut him off. "You don't need to apologize." Sims nodded. "Although, if you do want to make it up to me, I do believe you still owe me a flamethrower…" I teased, recalling a conversation we had back when I had been Bell. This made him chuckle. 

"In your dreams, Zed," he laughed, getting up from the table. "I'm going to try to catch a few. Don't drive yourself too mad with," he looked down at the code I was trying to crack. "Whatever that shit is." I laughed a little, waving good night as he left the kitchen. 

After he was gone, I got back to work. It was nearing three by the time I realized what I had been doing wrong, and half an hour after that, I had figured out to translate the message from the radio clicks. It laid out another radio frequency that they would send the real messages through to communicate actual intel, which of course would also need to be decoded, but I recalled those ones to be much easier to figure out. All I needed to do was wait for them to broadcast. 

I thought about just taking the radio with me back to bed so I would hear it when it went off, but my mind kept going back to thoughts of Dedov. My fancy pencils were sitting on the counter in the kitchen, so I grabbed them, opened the sketchbook to a new page, and began to draw. 

The clock said it was four in the morning when I heard someone else shuffle into the kitchen. Mason briefly acknowledged me with a nod and made his way over to the fridge. He swung it open, staring inside of it, looking unsure about what he wanted.

"If you're looking for hot sauce, there isn't any," I said, not looking up from my drawing. "You'll have to settle for pickle juice." 

"Wha-?" Mason started, but a second later, I heard him chuckle. "Woods made you drink pickle juice, did he?" 

"Yup," I grimaced at the thought. 

"That's nothing," Mason grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat down across the table from me. "One time," he laughed. "One time, the pickle juice didn't do the trick, so he mixed together milk, orange juice,  _ and _ he cracked a raw egg into it!" 

"Jesus!" I exclaimed, making a disgusted face. "But, did it help?" 

"Well, I threw up, so, sort of," he said with a slight grin. Mason opened up his bottle of water and took a sip, as he did, I looked down at my drawing, tapping my pencil a few times. 

"What, uh," I started, trying to carefully choose my words. Mason looked at me, curious. "I heard Park say something to Woods about us helping each other. I'm not quite sure what she meant by that…" I trailed off. 

"They never told you?" he asked, sounding slightly surprised. I shook my head, and he sighed, running a hand over his face. "I was captive in a Soviet labour camp," he said like it was that simple. "They were trying their own version of MK-Ultra." My eyes went wide. I opened my mouth to say something, but I was at a loss for words. "It was a long time ago," Mason said, noticing my hesitation. 

"D-do you still…?" I started to ask. He nodded, 

"From time to time, when there's a trigger, but I learnt how to deal with it when it happens." I nodded again, looking back down at my drawing. "You will too," Mason said a second later. "It'll get easier." 

"I hope so," I said quietly. Mason offered me a smile and stood up from the table, grabbing his water bottle before heading back towards the room he had been sleeping in. "Thank you, Mason," I added before he was gone. He turned around to look at me,

"You can call me Alex, you know." 

"Wait," my eyes narrowed. "Your name is Alex Mason?" 

"Yeah? Did you not know that?" 

"I thought Mason was your first name…" I admitted, making him laugh. "Why do you have two first names?" 

"Mason is my last name," he clarified. 

"But, why?" I scratched my head. "Is that, like, an American thing? Having first names as last names? Or is it as weird as I think it is?" Alex folded his arms and leant up against the doorframe, looking slightly amused. 

"Alright, well, if that's so weird, what's your last name?"

"Uh," I realized my last name was bound to be made fun of. "Would you believe me if I said I haven't remembered it yet?" I asked, faking a smile. He raised his eyebrows. "It's Smirnov." 

"Smirnov?!" He laughed a little bit. "Zasha Smirnov?! Isn't that like the most stereotypical Russian last name you can have?!" 

"At least it's not a first name!" I tried to defend, laughing a little with him. 

"Riight," he said, standing upright again. "I'm going back to bed. Good luck with the radio," he smirked a little, " _ Smirnov, _ " he teased. I rolled my eyes,

  
"Oh, I will,  _ Alex Mason _ ."


	17. Chapter 17

Somehow I ended up falling asleep at the kitchen table as I waited to intercept any messages that would go through the radio. I was woken by someone nudging my shoulder,

"You're going to get a sore back sleeping like that," Park said. I lifted my head off the table, rubbing my eyes. "How long have you been out here?" I looked towards the clock. It was seven in the morning. Out the window, the sun was just starting to peek over the horizon. 

"I was only asleep here for a few hours…" 

"That wasn't the question," she sounded like a concerned parent. 

"Since like two," I admitted, she raised her eyebrows, but I cut her off before she could say anything. "I had a dream about the radio!" I gestured towards the papers I had scattered on the table. "I've just been waiting for them to actually broadcast a real message." I rubbed the back of my neck, "I guess I fell asleep." 

"You guess?" Park laughed a little as she made her way over to the coffee pot. She got it going, then leant on one of the counters. "Any new memories?" 

"One, yeah," I looked at my sketchbook. "An older one," I said, opening it up to the drawing I did last night of Dedov standing in the doorway to my bedroom, stuffed rabbit in one hand, wiping his tears with another. "He would always come to me when he had a nightmare," I explained as Park looked at the drawing. "Our mom was pretty sick, and dad had to work the longest shifts. It was just the two of us. Even more so after she died." I sighed. The memories of it weren't all fully there, I had been pretty young at the time, but I knew that I was right about the series of events because of the feeling that grew in my chest as I reminisced.

"He was cute," Park said, handing back the drawing. I nodded.

"He was." I closed the book, and Park poured two cups of coffee. She handed one to me and sat down at the table, looking at the radio. I grabbed one of the pieces of paper I had notes on and slid it over to her, "If my memory serves me, which it very well may not, this is the system they are going to use when they broadcast." 

"I think I'm a little familiar with this one," Park said, nodding as she read the paper. "Can you explain how-" Park started to ask a question about my decoding instructions, but there was movement in the entrance to the kitchen, and she cut herself off. I glanced up to see Adler, who had stopped walking in when he saw us sitting here. For a second, no one moved, no one spoke. "This part here," Park went on, turning her head away from him and back to me and the instructions. I did the same, agreeing with her silent choice to ignore Adler. 

"The last part?" I clarified. She nodded. "Well, you need to look at it with the context of the step before," I explained. As I did, Adler watched us for a few more seconds, not moving, until he got the message that neither of us was going to say anything to him. 

He sighed and walked over to the pot of coffee, pouring himself a cup. I finished explaining the method to Park, and behind me, I could still feel Adler staring, his silent judging filling the air. It pissed me off. I looked at Park, the look in her eye was telling me to just keep ignoring Adler, but I couldn't help myself. I spun around in my chair, glaring at him. 

"Is there a problem?" I asked, my voice harsh. Adler took a long sip of his coffee and then set the cup on the counter,

"Yeah," he folded his arms over his chest. "You."

"What, afraid that since you can't control me anymore that I'm going to be more helpful than you to this team?" I smirked. Adler narrowed his eyes, about to say something back, but I cut him off. "Listen. Just because you have some major trust issues is not a good enough reason to interfere while I am trying to help." 

"Is that what you're doing?" he scoffed. "Helping?" 

"You know just as well as I that helping was _ alway _ s my intention. I don't know why you think that would have changed." Adler said nothing. "I'm not like you," I went on. "I know you tried to get there, but you failed. I'm not filled with this desire for vengeance or whatever shit you have going on. I just want to help make sure that Perseus won't hurt anyone else." 

"Are you done?" Adler asked, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pockets.

"Are you done treating me like a piece of shit?" I countered. Adler put a cigarette between his lips. He looked me right in the eye as if he were trying to intimidate me. I simply met his gaze and raised my eyebrows, daring him to say something. Neither of us did. However, I could feel Park looking between the two of us nervously, as if she didn't want to have to break up a fight this early in the morning. 

Before we could determine who was going to win that little pissing match between Adler and me, the radio on the table started playing music, breaking the staring contest as we all turned to look at it. A grin fell over my face as I spun back around in my chair to turn the volume up and to grab a pencil. Park handed me a piece of paper so I could write what we heard, and behind me, I heard Adler sigh as he lit his cigarette. 

The message only lasted one minute. A woman with a thick Russian accent read off in English a weather forecast for various cities across the globe, all of which were completely fake. The conditions that were described were to relay a type of message about what was happening there. Some of these were relatively easy to understand. For example, when she mentioned a tornado in West Berlin, it was pretty clear that she was referring to our little fiasco at the warehouse. The rest of them required more knowledge about the coding system, the ones that had specifics about names, addresses, or instructions. 

The woman repeated the message four times, and the radio went silent. I looked down at the message, then to the instructions I had written out, then back to the message. I repeated this a few times, starting to chew on the back end of my pencil as I thought. 

"So?" A voice asked from the entrance to the kitchen. Lazar had spoken, but it appeared that the radio may have been a little loud, as everyone from the safe house was standing around. 

"It's changed a little since I can last remember," I finally said, taking the pencil out of my mouth. 

"Can you still do it?" Hudson asked, his voice sounding harsh. I nodded a few times, looking back down at the message,

"They shuffled the pieces around. It'll take a little time. Depends on how many times they've changed it since I was…" I trailed off. 

"I'll put another pot of coffee on," Park said, standing up from the table. 

"Mason and I will go get some breakfast," Woods decided.

"You better not be going back to Burger Town," Lazar muttered. 

"Where else?!" Woods laughed. 

"I saw a bakery not far from here," Sims piped up. Woods shook his head,

"I'm not spending five dollars for one fucking muffin!" 

"Oh my god," I cut into the conversation, "Someone, please, just bring me something with sugar in it so I can do this faster." 

After ten more minutes of arguing, three separate groups were off to go and find breakfast at three different locations. Thankfully, once they did all leave, the safe house was nice and quiet again. The only other person that stayed behind was Park, who decided on having a shower while all the men were out of the house. 

An hour later, I had a breakfast egg sandwich, an expensive blueberry muffin, and a Burger Town Milkshake in front of me. Once I had eaten, had two more cups of coffee, and had Lazar kick everyone out of the kitchen to stop watching over my shoulder, it didn't take me much longer to unscramble the message.

Arguments about what to do for lunch were just starting to break out in the living room when I walked in, holding the decoded message in my hands.

"You're going to like this," I said to no one in particular. The debate about Burger Town came to a halt, and all eyes were on me. "So, we originally came here to look for a man by the name of Ingo Beck, one of Perseus' suppliers. Unfortunately, we came back from that mission with the wrong people, but we did learn one of Beck's contacts, someone on the MI6 watchlist. After our fiasco the other night, they are currently trying to determine two things. The first, who the fuck broke out this asshole," I nodded towards Adler, "And how we knew about the warehouse."

"The second?" Park asked.

"The second is where they are going to set up their new explosives supply warehouse. They are expecting a shipment tonight, at a temporary warehouse, overseen by Beck's contact."

"Where is the shipment taking place?" Hudson inquired. I handed him a paper where I had scribbled the address, 

"Just on the other side of the wall." 

"So if we can get to this guy…" Adler started, grabbing the address from Hudson. 

"We can get to Beck, who can take us directly to Perseus," I said with a grin. Lazar gave me a pat on the shoulder,

"Good work, Zed," he said with a grin. 

"You got all of this from a weather report?!" Woods cut in. I rolled my eyes.

"This is good," Park said before I had the chance to reply to Woods. "We can get in the same way we did last time."

"God, those subway stations were disgusting," I complained. Park ignored me,

"I'll need a little time to get prepared. MI6 will authorize the three of us to move if we can take the contact alive," she said, looking between Lazar and me. 

"We're coming with you," Adler interjected. "Right, Hudson?"

"You really think you can work together?" Hudson asked, looking from Adler to me. I crossed my arms in front of my chest. 

"That depends on if someone can refrain from saying a certain six words or not…" I said, glaring at Adler. 

"You really think I'd be stupid enough to sabotage the mission like that?" Adler said, glaring back. 

"Well, you were stupid enough to wipe all my memories of decoding so-"

"I did what needed to be done."

"For fucks sake, you two," Park physically put herself in between us. She looked annoyed and took a deep breath as if she were trying to keep herself from yelling. "Adler. Zasha does not report to you. They report to  _ me _ , working with MI6," Park's voice stayed calm, despite the harshness of her words. "We are all well aware of the consequences of hindering the efforts of other agencies. This op tonight, that's mine. Lazar and Zasha are second in command here, not you, so if you have a problem with Zasha, you have a problem with me. Got it?" Adler said nothing, and Park turned to me, taking another deep breath. "And Zasha. I get that you're mad with him. You have every right to be, but that  _ does not  _ mean that you can keep egging him on and starting fights. If we are going to be working with the CIA, things need to stay professional. If we catch Perseus and you still want to beat the crap out of him, be my guest, but until then, the two of you are going to keep things civilized. Understand?" She looked between Adler and me. Neither of us said anything. "Do. You. Understand?" 

"Yeah,"

"Yes, ma'am," Alder and I muttered at the same time. I looked down at the ground, feeling embarrassed. 

"Good." And with that, Park turned around, marching out of the living room. I briefly glanced back up to see everyone else in the safe house staring at me and Adler. Dead silence filled the air, but once Park was out of earshot, someone whistled. 

"Damn Lazar," Woods muttered. "You are one lucky man…" 


	18. Chapter 18

By the time the sun was starting to set, we were ready to go. In just those few short hours, Park had managed to layout a perfect route for us to get to our location, and once Hudson got CIA approval for them to join us on the mission, Sims managed to get each of us supplied with everything we would need, despite the fact that their safe house had been burnt.

Both sides of Berlin were on high alert, no thanks to our recent activities. Whether the authorities on either side really knew what was going on, they were out in packs in the streets, looking for any signs of trouble. 

Thankfully, Park had devised a plan that would draw the least amount of attention to our group and the amount of high-calibre weapons we were wielding. We were to get on the subway at three different stops, spreading out throughout the train until we were under East Berlin, where like last time, our way off was jumping off the back. 

I was to get on at the first stop. Since it was the end of the workday, the train was fairly full. I split off from Park and Lazar, finding myself an empty seat beside a businessman who was deeply invested in the newspaper in his hands, and across from a tired-looking woman bouncing an infant on her lap who was being occupied by some sort of toy he was trying to cram into his mouth. As I sat down, I offered the woman a small smile, trying to make myself look as casual as possible, and she smiled back, briefly looking me up and down. 

"Long day at work?" the woman asked me in, German. I realized how exhausted I probably looked; I was pretty sure at this point, exhaustion was my entire look. I awkwardly adjusted the beanie on my head, making sure my stitches were covered, and I faked another grin. 

"Very long," I replied to the woman, responding in German as well. Beside me, the man with the newspaper huffed, clearly not one for small talk. The woman offered me a reassuring smile, and the infant on her lap squealed in delight as the toy briefly lit up, causing me to chuckle a little. A second later, the toy fell from his hands and clattered to the ground, which promptly resulted in a loud shriek. Instinctively, I reached down and picked up the toy, holding it in front of me while making an excited face towards the child as I placed it back in his hands, pressing the button to light it up again.

"Danke," the mother said to me, reaching into her bag to grab a wet wipe for the toy. I nodded and leant back up in my chair, as I did, I noticed Lazar giving me an amused look from across the car. I rolled my eyes at him. 

The train came to a stop, and the man sitting beside me shuffled off as the new passengers shuffled on. I made a note of where my team members went off to. I saw Sims heading for the car behind mine, and Adler walked into the one I was in. Mason and Woods were to get on at the next stop. As he walked on, Adler seemed to forget the plan about us spacing ourselves out. When he saw the empty seat beside me, he promptly sat down in it, briefly nodding towards the woman and me. I felt myself clenching my jaw as I nodded back and quickly turned my head to look back out the window as the train slowly began to pick up the pace again. 

Not thirty seconds later, the infant, who had once again been happily chewing on the toy, lost his grip on it, and the toy fell back on the ground. With a slight grin, I reached down to pick it back up.

"So clumsy, little one," I cooed to the baby, still in German. I handed the toy back to his mother to wipe it off as the child watched me very closely. I stuck my tongue out, and he started to giggle. Beside me, I felt Adler watching me, almost like he was suspicious. The mother handed the toy back to her son, who promptly threw it to the ground again with a high-pitched laugh. This time, Adler beat me to picking it back up.

"Children…" the woman muttered with a small laugh. 

"They're quite cute at that age," Adler said, a soft grin on his face. 

"You have children?" the woman asked him. 

"Me?" Adler's eyes went wide under his sunglasses. "Oh, no, no," he laughed. "Too busy." 

"That's what I thought too," the woman smiled. Above us, the train announcer declared that we were almost at the next stop, and the woman got up, putting the infant back into a stroller. "Gute Nacht," she said to both Adler and me. This time, more people got off the subway, and only a couple got on, leaving no one to fill the seat in front of me. I folded my arms over my chest and looked back out the window.

"Good job spacing out," I muttered under my breath.

"I wouldn't have pegged you as being good with kids," Adler said in response, also keeping his voice down. 

"There's a lot you don't know about me," I said, still gazing out the window. "What do you want?" I asked, wanting to get right to the point. Adler sighed,

"I came to call a truce." I suppressed a laugh, now turning slightly to look at him, eyebrows raised. "Park was right. I haven't been treating you fairly since you came back." I opened my mouth to respond, but I quickly bit my tongue, recalling the lecture I had gotten from Park earlier. "Not going to make a snarky response?" Adler noticed my silence. I shook my head, 

"Park is watching us with a look that could kill God himself," I murmured, nodding over to where Park was positioned on the train. This made Adler laugh a little. "But, fine," I sighed. "If you can trust me out there, I can do the same." Adler nodded, about to get up, but I cut him off. "Only on one condition." Now he raised his eyebrows. "No more lies. Ever." I could see him pondering the thought. 

"Alright," he finally said. 

"Good." I looked back out the window. "Thank you." Alder nodded, and it went quiet for a moment. 

"Fuck," he said a second later. "Park really does look terrifying when she's mad, doesn't she?" I looked up to see him watching Park. I couldn't help but laugh a little,

"Like a bear woken from hibernation," I suggested, which resulted in a small chuckle from Adler. I noticed that Park saw us laughing and narrowed her eyes. "She's onto us!" I whispered, and both of us quickly averted our eyes. 

"We're coming up on the drop point," Park's voice emitted from the small earpiece I had in though she was still glaring at us. She sounded slightly annoyed.

"The back car is clear," Lazar's voice followed. 

"After you," Adler quietly said to me. I got up and started casually walking back to the end of the train. Adler waited a few seconds before following. I couldn't help but feel this strange sense of deja vu, I mean, we literally had done this exact same thing not that long ago, and it brought an uneasy feeling to my stomach. As I swung open the door to the back car, I thought about that mission, how much I had trusted Adler to literally jump off a train after him. When I had been captured, I didn't for a second stop to question whether or not he would be coming to rescue me. Obviously, the trust had been artificial, they'd literally programmed me to trust Adler with my life, but now that we were here again, part of me was starting to wish I still had that trust, even if it was fake. 

Like last time, we were to jump at two different stations. Two groups that could head to two different vantage points of our destination. Naturally, I was to go with Park and Lazar. Thankfully, we made it through the tunnels and onto the street easily; slipping past the guards was second nature at this point. 

We did our best trying to appear casual as we walked down the streets of East Berlin. I trailed behind Park and Lazar, gripping the straps to my backpack, feeling nervous about the events that were about to happen, while the two of them were holding hands and laughing about something. We walked onto a quieter street, and Park turned around to look at me,

"What were you and Alder talking about on the subway?" she asked.

"The weather," I deadpanned. 

"Yikes. It was just a question, Zed. There's no need for hostility." I looked down at my feet,

"I know, I'm sorry," I apologized. "I'm just on edge." 

"I think we're all on edge," Lazar muttered. 

"He just wanted to make sure we were both on the same page," I explained. 

"Which is?" Park asked, raising her eyebrows. 

"That you were right to yell at us this morning," I admitted, resulting in a grin from Park,

"I usually am." 

"Emphasis on usually," Lazar teased. "Me, on the other hand?" 

"Please," Park rolled her eyes. "Name one time you've been right about something." A wicked grin grew on Lazar's face,

"Remember that one night back in London, before this one had woken up?" Lazar wiggled his eyebrows. He lowered his voice slightly, "You said you wouldn't like it if I were to try-"

"And that's enough of that conversation!" I quickly interrupted, picking up the pace so I walked right in between them. 

"Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Zed!" Lazar exclaimed, reaching to grab Park's hand again. I spun around to look at him. 

"Alright, you care to finish that sentence then?" 

"I-" Lazar started, but he looked down at Park, whose face was bright red, and he closed his mouth. I smirked, spinning myself back around when I collided with someone. I quickly began to apologize, barely remembering to speak in German, when I realized the person I had crashed into was Stasi and my eyes went wide. 

"So sorry, sir," Park quickly cut in for me grabbing my arm; her German was flawless. "We keep trying to tell our kid that they need to pay more attention to what is going on around them, but..." she sighed, giving the officer an exasperated smile. "Teenagers." 

"Where are you headed?" the man asked. 

"Back home," Park pointed towards an apartment building down the street. The Stasi officer looked between the three of us, cautiously. Finally, he nodded. 

"Best be going quickly," he said. We all nodded, but he put a finger out, pointing it at me. "You listen to your mother, young man." I quickly nodded. The Stasi officer grinned and kept walking down the path he had been going. Both Lazar and I looked at Park, bewildered. 

"Not a word until we are inside," she hissed, marching us along. We made our way into the apartment building we claimed to live in, and once the front door shut, we both looked back at Park.

"Teenager?!" 

"Our kid?!" We exclaimed simultaneously. 

"I don't look that young-"

"How old do you think I am?!" Park rolled her eyes,

"Well, if someone wouldn't have walked right into the Stasi with a backpack full of guns!" she exclaimed. I grinned sheepishly. "Besides. It was dark. It's not like he could see your faces." 

"Still," Lazar muttered. "Don't you think we should have talked about this before adopting Zasha?" 

"Hey!" I smacked Lazar's arm, and he laughed. Park put a hand on her hip.

"Are you two done?" she asked. We both nodded. "We need to keep moving." She started walking again towards the apartment building's back door, and Lazar and I followed behind. 

"Young man…" I muttered under my breath, recalling how the man had referred to me. "No respect on the East side…" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I am trying to make myself a bit of a schedule for this fic so ideally, you can keep expecting a new chapter every two days! 
> 
> If you are enjoying, don't forget to leave a kudos or even a comment! They really make my day!
> 
> Happy Friday!


	19. Chapter 19

Thankfully, the rest of our journey to the meeting point was uneventful, although both Lazar and I did keep grumbling about Park's decision to pretend that they were my parents. 

"Is it the beard?" Lazar was asking Park as we sat in position across from where the exchange would be happening shortly. "If the beard makes me look that old, I can shave it!" He rubbed his beard. 

"It is," I said, nodding my head. 

"I have to shave." 

"But, I like your beard," Park interrupted, putting her hand on the side of Lazar's face. Lazar sighed,

"Fine. I guess I can keep it for you…" he said with a grin. Lazar grabbed Park's hand that was resting on his beard and brought it up to his lips. I crinkled my nose.

"Gross," I muttered. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, Zasha," Lazar started. "Do our public displays of affection make you uncomfortable?" he asked sarcastically. 

"Very uncomfortable," I nodded my head. This made Lazar grin, and not a second later, he dramatically pulled Park in close to him, making her laugh as they kissed. "Really?!" I put my hands over my eyes. "In front of your own kid?!" Lazar chuckled, the two of them pulling away. Park sighed, 

"You two are not going to let this one go, are you?" 

"Not a chance." 

"Nope," Lazar and I said simultaneously.

"We're in position," Adler's voice came through our earpieces. The three of us looked at each other, all seeming to have forgotten why we were here in the first place. Park glanced down at her watch,

"They should be arriving any minute," she replied through the coms. I swung my backpack around and crouched down on the ground, starting to pull out the equipment we needed. The plan tonight was simple. Beck's supplier was going to be bringing a truck full of goodies to this location, a boarded-up abandoned restaurant, and take off again. It was also our intention of ensuring that whatever weapons or explosives were being dropped off wouldn't make it any further, so the plan had two steps. 

One, grab the supplier. Alive. Our best shot was going to be if we would wait until he was leaving. That would also allow us to scope out how many people we would be dealing with for step two, clearing the location and tagging it for the CIA to come and deal with the weapons. After we had grabbed any intel that may be lurking, of course. 

I would have rather been a part of step one where I could stay away from all the shooting, but I was the one who would be able to spot what intel would be worth grabbing, and I wouldn't be able to do that if I was trailing behind the supplier's car. 

Camera in hand, I used them as binoculars, getting a closer look at the abandoned restaurant. Though the windows were boarded up, I could see the faint traces of light emitting from the corners of the boards. Someone was definitely home.

Adler's team had a better vantage point of the road than we did, and after a few minutes, they spotted the truck headed our way. I snapped a photo as the man got out of his truck. He banged on one of the boarded windows and went to open the back of the truck. Two people came out of the restaurant, and they were each handed a large crate. I took a few more photos. 

"Tell Beck not to get these ones blown up," I could make out the man say as he closed the back door. One of the men set down the crate he had been given and pulled out a small envelope from his jacket—no doubt payment. The supplier snatched it and began to head back to the driver's seat.

"Is that it?" Woods asked into the coms. "Two fucking boxes?!" 

"Looks like it," Park noted. The truck's engine sputtered to life. "Let's get moving." Park gave Lazar and me a slight nod, and she took off, getting into position to track the truck. Lazar and I snuck to the front door of the abandoned restaurant and waited. 

"Ready to blow this joint?" Woods asked into the comms, signifying that he and Mason were at the back door. 

"How about we try to keep this one in one piece?" I suggested. 

"We'll see." In the background, I could hear him flicking the safety off of his gun. "On your go." I looked up at Lazar, who was shaking his head at Woods. We could hear the sound of the truck driving off around the corner, meaning Park, Adler, and Sims were right behind it and that we were free to engage. 

"Ready?" Lazar asked me. I adjusted my grip on my weapon, took a deep breath, and nodded. Lazar kicked the front doors open and immediately began shooting. I followed him in, firing at the few people standing there and allowing us to make it to cover before they started firing back. 

Woods and Mason exploded in through the back door, much to the surprise of the people inside. Even though we were outnumbered four to one, we had them sandwiched between us, right where we wanted them. Since the layout of the restaurant was pretty open, we had a clear advantage over everyone inside. The shooting ended only a minute after it had begun. 

"Clear the rooms!" Lazar instructed, snapping a new magazine into his rifle. Mason and Woods went into the kitchen to check for any stragglers, and I started heading towards a back room while Lazar checked in with the others. I came to a door that led to a small office, and I grinned, hoping I had found where they stashed the intel. 

Inside the room, I could hear movement so quickly I kicked the door open. I was just about to shoot at the woman in the room when I noticed that beside her was a giant stack of papers and in her hands, hovering above the paper, a lit match. 

"Don't!" I shouted, hoping that the gun would convince her not to destroy the intel. However, the woman simply looked at me, her eyes going wide.

"It's you…" she whispered. "I thought they got you killed… Do you remember me?" her voice was soft, her face full of emotion. My eyes narrowed as I looked at the woman, examining her face. I could have sworn I had seen her before. The woman noticed that I was thrown off by her comment, and she tried to take a step towards me, but I adjusted my grip on the gun. 

"Don't move," I said through gritted teeth. She shook her head,

"They're lying to you. You aren't who they say you are." 

"Wha-?" I started to ask, still trying to determine who she was. Outside the office, I could hear the sounds of one of my team members approaching. 

"Everything okay?" Lazar's voice called out. I briefly glanced in his direction, about to call him over, but when I looked back, the woman had dropped the lit match. 

"No!" I exclaimed. I tried to fire a shot at her, but the room was small, and in one lunge, she had knocked my gun from my hands, and she shoved me to the ground. "Hey!" I shouted, standing myself back up. As I did, she made a break for the open window behind her. "Wait!" As she made it through the window, Lazar was just walking into the office. 

"Jesus!" he exclaimed, looking at the growing fire on the desk. "I thought we didn't want to blow this one up?!" I ignored him, snatching my gun back from the ground and leaping out the window myself.

I ran onto the street, frantically looking around. My breathing was heavy as I spun myself in circles, trying to figure out where she would have run off to, but the woman was nowhere in sight. I closed my eyes, thinking back to her face. I knew her! I took one hand off my gun and brought it to my head, gripping my hair with such force that my knuckles were white as I tried to force myself to think. 

"Hey, hey, hey," I heard Mason running up to me. "It's okay," his voice was calm, and he gently pried my hand away from my head and took my gun with the other. "What happened?" 

"I knew her!" the words came out almost like a sob. “I-I can’t, she seemed to think that I was s-still, but I-” I tried to free my hand from Mason but he simply grabbed my other other, giving them a squeeze.

"It's okay," Mason said, his voice was soft. "Take a deep breath," he instructed. "Do you have your sketchbook on you? Maybe drawing her would-" I looked up at Mason, my eyes wide.

"That's it!" I exclaimed, ripping my backpack off. I crouched down to the ground and quickly opened it up, and pulled out my book, ignoring the fact that I was in the middle of the street. I began to flip through the pages, trying to find the right one. "There!" I jumped back up, showing off the picture to Mason. "Her! She's, uh, she's a cryptographer!" I snapped my fingers a few times. "Port-Portnova or something. She must be the one sending all of these messages!" 

"Did she recognize you?" Mason asked, his brows furrowed together. I slowly nodded, recalling the look she had on her face when she saw me, and the look that followed when she realized I didn’t know her. 

"That's going to be a problem, isn't it?" Before he could respond, Woods interrupted us,

"What the fuck are you two doing?!" he yelled. I looked to see him in the office where I had just been, only now the flames inside were rising. "I'm the bastard who wanted to see this place explode. Why the fuck am I the only one helping?!" 


	20. Chapter 20

We beat Park and the others back to the safe house on the West Side. After all they did need to deliver the explosives’ supplier to the MI6 location in Berlin, their mission having gone a lot better than ours. We had managed to get the fire out ourselves, but anything that could have been useful in the entire place had been on that stack of files. All of it had been burnt to a crisp, no thanks to me. 

I remained silent the entire way back to our safe house, my mind racing with emotions and thoughts. First, I was angry at myself. Angry that I let that woman destroy all the intel, and that I wasn’t able to catch her. Second, I was angry that I couldn’t remember who she was. The one brief memory I had in that dream clearly wasn’t the only time we had interacted. This anger started drifting towards sadness and disappointment that I couldn’t recall anything. My mind kept replaying the words she had spoken just then, how she had sounded relieved to see me and how quickly that relief turned into sadness when she realized I didn’t remember her. Had we been friends? 

As soon as we got to the safe house, I made a beeline for the bedroom, wanting nothing more than to be alone. 

“Zasha…” Lazar had started.

“Don’t,” I muttered, kicking the door to the bedroom closed behind me, slamming it louder than I had intended to. Although, slamming the door seemed to please the part of me that was angry and a second later I found my fist slamming into the drywall.

“Fuck!” I exclaimed, bringing my hand to my chest. A bruise was already forming over my knuckles and there was a small dent in the wall. 

Tears began to well in the corner of my eyes and I was about to flop myself onto the bed, but I recalled Lazar literally pushing me out of it the night before, and I dropped myself to the floor, not even bothering to look for my sleeping bag or pillow, and lay down, face first. A few moments passed and I heard a couple of soft knocks on the door. I didn’t move. A second later, the door opened a little,

“Zasha?” Lazar took a step inside. 

“Leave me alone,” I muttered, not lifting my face up from the ground. “I’m thinking.” 

“I can see that,” he said with a smirk. “Look-”

“Please. Just go,” I sniffled. Lazar didn’t move. “I’ll throw something at you.” This only made him laugh a little so I quickly reached a hand forward to where a pair of shoes was on the ground and without looking I tossed it behind me. The shoe collided with the door with a loud bang.

“You missed,” Lazar pointed out. I sat up a little bit, reaching for the second shoe. This time I spun around to actually aim, but Lazar held his hands up. “Okay! Fine! I’ll leave you alone.” The door shut again and I pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on top. 

Why did that woman have to be there tonight? 

A few minutes passed and once again, someone knocked on the door. They didn’t wait for me to say anything and started opening the door, so I instinctively picked the shoe back up and got ready to throw it. 

“Woah!” Mason exclaimed, sticking his head in the door. “Not Lazar.” I slowly lowered the shoe,

“I don’t want to talk.” 

“You don’t have to.” When I didn’t say anything, only sniffled, Mason walked in the rest of the way, closing the door behind him. He grabbed a box of kleenex from the bedside table and sat himself down on the ground beside me, offering the box of tissues. I avoided making eye contact and I grabbed one, wiping my nose. I crinkled the tissue in my hands and put my head back against the wall, 

“It’s so stupid,” I mumbled. 

“What is?” Mason asked. I shook my head,

“It doesn’t make sense why I’m so, so…” I used my hands to gesture to myself, the scene I had created. “All cause of what? One person I used to work with?!” 

“She was the first person to recognize you,” Mason said. I looked at him, confused. 

“Volkov recognized me.” Mason shook his head, 

“But you were still Bell then. Now that you’re you again… You’ve never had anyone from before show up yet.” As he said this, I sighed. 

“I don’t even remember her first name…” 

“Well, you only recently learnt my first name, so…” Mason trailed off, a slight grin on his face. I matched his grin for a second, but it faltered. 

“Still, I shouldn’t have acted like that, I threw off the mission, fucked it all up.”

“You didn’t fuck up anything,” he sounded sincear, but I shook my head. 

“You try telling that to Adler when he gets here.” I could already hear his voice in the back of my head. This was just going to be another reason for him to argue why I shouldn’t be here.

“Yeah, well, fuck Adler.” I could tell he was serious, but I couldn’t help but laugh a little,

“Now, I definitely  _ do not _ want to do that,” I said with a smirk. 

“What?” Mason looked at me confused and a second later his eyes went wide. “Oh, C’mon!” He smacked my arm and I laughed. “You’ve been spending too much time with Woods,” Mason muttered, making me laugh a little more. He shook his head, I could tell he was suppressing a laugh as well. 

“Thanks for checking in on me,” I said a second later. “Even though I assume Lazar made you do it.” Mason nodded, a small smile on his face, 

“Well, actually, Woods offered first, but I didn’t want to see how that was going to end up.” I laughed a little,

“Yeah, but he probably would have at least brought me booze.” Mason rolled his eyes. “I am feeling a little better now though. I think I might try and get some sleep, stuff sometimes comes back to me if I sleep,” I said, standing up to go and grab the sleeping bag. 

“Are you going to be sleeping on the floor?” 

“Yeah. Lazar and Park said I can’t have the bed to myself. I tried to argue that we could all fit, but apparently that would be weird,” I did air quotes as I said weird and Mason laughed a little. 

“You could always sleep in the other bed.”

“Yeah, but you and Woods dibbsed that one.” 

“We’d all fit,” Mason said, sounding dead serious. I narrowed my eyes. “What? Then it won’t be weird. Woods or I could even take the floor for a night if that helps.” 

“But aren’t you and Woods…?” I trailed off as he gave me a confused look. “Really?” I asked. “You two aren’t…?” A look grew on his face that indicated to me that I was onto something, but he quickly hid the expression,

“Aren’t what?” he asked, though his cheeks were slightly red.

“Nevermind,” I quickly said. “But, a real bed does sound nice…” 

_ “How did you solve that?!” the woman says to me. She is the same woman from before, the KGB cryptographer, Portnova. It is the same day as when Perseus brought me into KGB headquarters, when they had given me an hour to crack an American code. I solved it in half the time. “I spent days trying to solve that message!” she sounds both angry and impressed, something I didn’t know was possible.  _

_ “Maybe you were overthinking it, all that extra mathematics knowledge and everything,” my voice is smug, similar to how hers had been when she had been trying to prove she was better than me. Portnova didn’t seem offended by my reply, _

_ “You have to teach me!” she exclaims. “What even was in the message?”  _

_ “That my dear, is classified,” a different voice says. I look to see Secretary Gorbachev walking towards us. He offers me a hand to shake. “Very impressive work today,” he says as I shake his hand. “You are a very talented young-” Gorbachev cut himself off and looks at me, up and down. “I’m sorry, are you a boy or a girl?” I feel my face go white as he asks the question.  _

_ “I’m, uh,” I start. “Neither, sir.” A confused look falls over his face, and behind him, I see Portnova looking a little worried.  _

_ “What kind of-” _

_ “Zasha is a cryptographer!” Perseus’ voice exclaims. He places a hand on my shoulder, causing me to jump slightly. “They are the best cryptographer at that!” Gorbachev looks at him, bewildered.  _

_ “But-” he starts.  _

_ “You do not need a gender to do cryptography, my good man,” Perserus tells him. “Now, I do believe there are some supplies you owe me…” Gorbachev shakes his head and mutters a follow me. Perseus looks back at me, flashing me a wink before he goes to follow Gorbachev, instructing me to wait. The two walk away, leaving me alone in the middle of KGB Headquarters. Well, not alone, Portnova is still looking at me, rather curiously. She notices me catching her staring and she laughs a little, _

_ “And here I thought being a female cryptographer was hard,” she says. I tilt my head, confused. “I wish the men around here had the same viewpoint as your boss. Cryptography not having a gender…”  _

_ “You don’t think it’s wrong that I’m…?” I start to ask.  _

_ “Wrong?!” she shakes her head. “I would say… unique.” She offers me a smile. “Now come. I’m sure the men will be occupied with their weapons for quite some time, meaning you can show me how you cracked that code. Are you hungry? You must be needing some caffeine right about now.”  _

I wake up to the sounds of someone snoring. Loud. Confused, I sat up in bed only to remember that I had agreed to sleep in the same room as Mason and Woods. I was fairly certain that one of them had started off on the floor, but right now both of them were beside me, the two of them practically sleeping on top of one another so that I had room in the bed. I couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the sight, recalling how flustered Mason had started to get when I inquired about him and Woods. Either he had been lying to me or they were going to have one very awkward conversation when Mason woke up to Wood’s arms around him. 

Out the window, I could see the start of the sun beginning to rise. Even though I had gone to bed pretty late, I was half surprised that I managed to sleep that long. I figured I didn’t want to be around for whatever conversation was going to be had when the other two woke up, so I grabbed my sketchbook from the table beside the bed and crept out of the bedroom, eager to make some coffee. 

In the living room, it was light enough for me to make out Sims still asleep on the couch. I had already been asleep when he, Park, and Adler got back and I grew slightly nervous thinking about how much Lazar told them about our mission. 

The smell of coffee was already emitting from the kitchen and I walked in to see Adler sitting at the table, a cup of coffee in one hand, a stack of files in the other. He noticed me walk in and briefly acknowledged me with a nod before looking back down at the papers. I poured myself my own cup and looked over at the table, trying to decide what I should do. I didn’t really want to sit at the table awkwardly with him, but there was nowhere else to go and draw.. 

“Our truce is still in affect,” Adler said, not looking up from the files he was reading. “You  _ can  _ sit down.”

“R-right,” I stuttered, realizing how awkward I must have looked. I sat down at the table and opened up my sketchbook. Even though Adler wasn’t looking, I made sure to quickly flip to a new page, bothered by the thought of him seeing some of the drawings I had of him. I took a sip of my coffee and started sketching, trying to capture the memory I had just had in a way that I could fit all three people into the drawing. 

It was silent in the kitchen, other than the sound of my pencil sketching and Adler occasionally flipping the page to the report he was holding. I took a quick glance at one of the pages, seeing that it looked to be a report from our mission the night before. Adler must have woken up early to see what MI6 faxed over about the supplier we took. After a few minutes of peaceful silence, Adler huffed, throwing the papers down in front of him. I looked up and raised my eyebrows. He shook his head, 

“The guy we nabbed knew jack shit,” he grumbled. “Didn’t even know that he was indirectly working for Perseus.”

“You believe that?” I questioned. “I thought you had a thing about that, especially if it’s an interrogation.” Adler looked at me, confused. I shook my head, deciding to flip my sketchbook to one of the drawings I had of him torturing me and I slid it across the table. He looked down at the drawing, seeming surprised by it, and he leant back in his chair. Adler looked back at me, down to the drawing, and clicked his tongue, 

“I was hoping you wouldn’t get those ones back…” Adler sighed, sliding the book back to me. I didn’t say anything, instead, I flipped back to the drawing I was working on. “I wasn’t expecting you to live this long,” he went on. “I didn’t think you would have to live with the pain from that. Not for long anyway.” 

“Are you…?” I started to ask. “Are you trying to _ apologize _ for something right now?” 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Adler replied. I laughed a little bit,

Even after I fucked up the mission last night?” Adler shook his head,

“That the fire wasn’t your fault.”

“But, I-”

“Even if you would have shot her, that match would have still lit everything up.” I didn’t say anything, I wasn’t quite sure what to say. Thankfully, I didn’t have to think of anything as a second later Park walked into the kitchen. 

“Good, you’re up!” I wasn’t quite sure who she was talking to. She walked over to the kitchen counter towards the radio. “I was curious last night,” she said, flicking it on. “And I noticed this,” she held a finger up for us to listen to the static. Like last time, there were clicks every few seconds, only these ones were timed differently. 

“A new message?” I asked, sitting up in my chair. Park nodded and I grinned. “Well, what do you think they have to say about us today?” 


	21. Chapter 21

Thankfully, the system for the clicks was the same as the day before. This meant that I was able to find the station that the real message was going to be sent out on, all we had to do was wait. I could tell that the fact that so far the system was the same made Park and Adler nervous. Hell, it made me a little nervous. 

Obviously, if Portnova had seen me, she would have been able to put it together that I had been the one who decoded the messages and that was how we found them. Although, it did seem like she was under the impression that I was still under the full effects of MK-Ultra, but still, I would have assumed that she would change the coding system for the radio again, even just a little. 

“Maybe she hasn’t made it back yet,” Park suggested, trying to ease our nervousness. “It could be someone else doing this message and they just don’t know yet?” 

“Or they’re going to try and send us into a trap,” Adler muttered, pulling a cigarette from its box. No one said anything. A moment later, the radio crackled to life, playing that same bit of music like last time before the message. It was the same woman’s voice as the last one, but now I was able to recognize it as Portnova. 

The message was only a minute long. I quickly wrote it all down, rearranging the sentences to what I knew to be the correct format for decoding. Adler and Park said nothing, they simply watched me, eager to see what the message had said. 

“This is going to take at least twenty minutes,” I told them, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the added pressure from their gaze. “Longer if you keep staring at me like that.” 

“Right,” Park smacked her lips and her and Adler left the kitchen, leaving me alone to work. The message was decoded the same as the last one, decoding it felt almost easy. I was trying to figure out why they would have kept it the same, when I decoded the first sentence.

_ You are not Bell _ .

A lump formed in my throat. This wasn’t a message for their operation. It was for me. I glanced up from the table, suddenly feeling very nervous. My fingers were starting to shake a little as I put the pen back to the paper, feeling almost scared to read the rest of the message. I forced myself to take a deep breath. 

_ Adler is lying.  _

They really did think I was still under his control. But why would they be reaching out to me? 

_ I know you have questions. We have answers. We know you.  _

The following line spelt out an address across the city. 

_ Come alone. _

I shook my head, rereading the entire message. That was it? I crumpled the piece of paper in my hands, an uneasy feeling growing in my stomach. It didn’t make sense. Why now? 

“How’s it going in there Zed?” I heard Lazar’s voice call from the living room. 

“S-still working!” my voice cracked, but if anyone noticed, they didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure why I had lied to them, I was done with the message. I could tell them what it said, give them the address and we could make a plan, but if I did that they wouldn’t let me go… 

“No,” I whispered to myself, trying to rid the thought. Would they even be honest with me if I went? My sketchbook stared at me from the table and my mind started thinking of Dedov. I bet Portnova knew what had happened to him. Without realizing what I was doing, I folded the paper with the address and put it in my pocket, standing up from the table. I walked into the living room, heading towards the door, and everyone looked at me, confused. “I need something to eat,” I quickly explained. 

“Oh! I’ll come with!” Woods started. I shook my head, 

“No!” I blurted. “I just, I need to clear my head.” I saw Park narrow her eyes. “I-I keep thinking about last night, I’m having trouble concentrating, and I just-” 

“Go,” Park nodded, saving me from my rambling. “Fresh air will help.” I nodded and slipped out the door, a wave of guilt flooding over me. I pushed the feeling back down and started walking, my feet already seeming to know where they were going.

As I walked, I tried to reassure myself that I was doing the right thing. I needed someone to fill in the gaps I had in my memory, I needed to know where Dedov was. Had he managed to find a way out of the country like he planned? Or had something worse happened? With my anxiety fueling me, it didn’t take long to reach the address they had given me. 

It was a hotel building. The room number even listed in the address. The hotel was tall, looming over a large plaza, teeming with people going in and out of the shops and cafes all around. My eyes drifted up towards the hotel when a different feeling in my chest grew. 

“What the fuck am I doing?” I suddenly asked myself. I couldn’t go in there! If I did, they would never let me go back! I wasn’t even on their side anymore. Even if they believed that I was unaware of what Adler had done, they would still assume that I was full of intel. My memories I had about Perseus told me that he wouldn’t hesitate to pry information out of me if I refused. And I couldn’t betray that team. Not now. Not after they just started to trust me. The real me. Some of them had even stuck their necks out for me! I could practically see the look on Park and Lazar’s face if they found out I had gone back. 

Tears began to well in my eyes and I quickly turned away from the hotel. I needed to get back, tell the others the message. Then figure out a plan. A plan that would be thought out and rational, not whatever the hell I thought I was doing. 

I made my way out of the plaza, trying to remember which way I had come from. After a block, I was fairly certain that I had started going the wrong way, so I went up a street and trailed back towards the plaza before deciding on a new road to take. However, as I walked down this street, out of the corner of my eye I spotted a person behind me that I could have sworn was behind me on the last street. 

“Shit,” I cursed under my breath. Of course they had been watching! I wanted to smack myself for being so careless. I walked past a small coffee shop and I decided to slip inside. I needed to be sure I was being followed. I ordered myself a coffee and looked around. The person was now nowhere in sight, but I had a feeling they were still watching. I checked my watch, noticing it had been a decent amount of time since I left the safe house, I probably wouldn’t have that much longer before they started to worry about me. 

“Danke,” I said to the waiter as he handed me my coffee, and I decided to head out the back door. I walked another block, purposefully going in the wrong direction, and took a few sips from my coffee. Sure enough, the same person was still trailing me. I cursed at myself again, trying to think of what to do. Obviously I had to lose this guy before going back, but the chances of me being able to shake who I assumed to be a highly trained agent for Perseus were slim. A few moments later, I had a realization. They still thought I was Bell. 

“What would Bell do?” I muttered to myself, thinking. In this situation, Bell would act like Adler. And Adler, well, he would kick the shit out of this guy. I sighed, taking another sip of my coffee and I turned myself into a back alley, really wishing I had been smart enough to at least bring a pistol with me. 

The alley I walked into had a few more turns within it, so when I noticed the person following me still following me into the alley, I took a quick turn and pressed myself up against the wall. As I did, I took the lid off of my coffee cup. 

The man turned the corner as well, and like I predicted, he wasn’t aware that I would be right there. I tossed the cup towards him, hot coffee flying across his face. He recoiled backwards, crying out in pain as he tried to reach for his gun. Quickly, I smacked the weapon out of his hands and brought my knee up into his stomach. However, he was quick and a second later he had pulled out a knife from one of his pockets, slashing it across my arm and then my face. I stumbled backwards, only it put me closer to the gun. I grabbed the handle and fired a shot into the man's knee. Before he fell to the ground, I grabbed his collar and hoisted him up with the arm that wasn’t bleeding and I noticed the ear piece he had in, someone was listening.

“I don’t know who you think you are, but you _ do not _ know me,” I hissed in his ear, trying my best to bring back the American accent I had developed over time, I really needed him to believe I was still Bell. “You can’t get in my head.” The man grinned a little,

“And yet the Americans already are,” he laughed. I scowled, letting go of his collar and as he stumbled to try again his footing, I kicked him again, knocking him down to the ground. I crouched in front of him, pointing the gun towards his head.

“Who do you work for?” I demanded. He didn’t answer. I pressed the gun into his forehead. “Where’s Perseus?!” Again, there was no answer. I was about to pull the trigger but just then, two more people entered the alley on the other end. They saw the scene that was happening,

“Oi!” one of them shouted.

I cursed, quickly standing up and bolting from the alley. As I turned the corner, I could hear the man who had been tailing me laughing. 

“We’ll be waiting for you!” he shouted after me. I shook my head, stuffing the gun into the back of my pants and quickly jogged back towards the plaza, ensuring to avoid any line of sight from the hotel, and losing myself in the crowd. I spent another twenty minutes ensuring that I had fully lost my tail before even starting to make my way back to the safe house. I practically ran the whole way back, the gash on my cheek burning more and more, and the wound on my arm soaking my jacket in blood. I bolted through the front door of the safe house, practically slamming it shut behind me, getting the attention of everyone in the room.

“What happened?!” Lazar was the first to exclaim, rushing towards me to examine my face. 

“Were you followed?” Adler was quick to ask. I shook my head, leaning myself against the door, now feeling the tears returning to my eyes. 

“Are you okay?” Park asked next. I nodded. 

“Are you sure you weren’t followed?” Adler repeated. I nodded again. Lazar came up to me, now with gauze in his hands and tried to put it on my face, but I pushed him away, not wanting the help.

“I’m sorry,” I finally said, feeling myself resiting a sob. 

“It’s okay,” Lazar said, trying to get another dab at the cut on my face. I shook my head,

“I shouldn’t have-” I stifled another sob. 

“What did you do?!” Adler demanded, pushing past Lazar. I shook my head. 

“I-I didn’t. I-I stopped myself when I r-realized, but, but they must have seen me. I f-fought him off. I’m so s-sorry,” this time I really did sob. 

“Zasha?” Park asked, stepping closer to me and pushing Adler back. 

“I swear I didn’t.” 

“Didn’t what?” I closed my eyes, trying to take a deep breath and stop crying. I pulled out the decoded message from my pocket, handing it to her before sliding myself down to the ground. Park read the message and sighed. 

“I don’t know what I was thinking…” I sniffled. “I just-” 

“It’s okay,” Park interrupted me, kneeling down in front of me. 

“What?!” Adler started, grabbing the paper from Park’s hand. He looked back at me, looking angrier then before. “You were going to-”

“It’s okay!” Park exclaimed, cutting him off with a glare. “They didn’t.” She looked back at me. “Right?” I nodded. “And they weren’t followed.” I nodded again.

“I swear.” I tried to wipe my nose with my sleeve, but ended up getting more blood on the sleeve from the cut instead. Adler was looking at me with a death glare that sent a chill down my spine. We locked eyes and I saw his hand move to rest on his pistol. I took a sharp breath in, “I’m sorry,” I sobbed again; I really had fucked up “P-Please don’t, don’t-” I looked down at the ground. 

“We’re not going to hurt you,” Lazar said above me, although I had a feeling the comment was directed towards someone else. Adler sighed,

“Fuck, kid.” he said. “You’ve done a pretty good job of that yourself.” 

  
“I know…” I sniffled. “You should see the other guy, though…” I tried to crack a joke. I thought I saw Adler start to grin, but he quickly shook his head, turning to walk out of the room.

“This is definitely going to need some stitches,” Park said, examining the cut on my arm. She stood up and offered me a hand up, which I accepted with my good arm. “Let’s get you patched up. Then we can decide what to do about this.” I nodded, following her to the kitchen where the first aid kit was. I plopped myself down on the chair and Lazar helped me take off my jacket so Park could stitch up the cut

“Wait a minute,” Lazar started once the jacket was off. He held it up. “Is this mine?!” I faked a grin,

“Uhh…” 

“This is real leather!” 

“You can patch it!” I exclaimed. Lazar shook his head, and tossed the jacket back at me.

“Keep it,” he huffed. “It was pretty last season anyway…” 


	22. Chapter 22

"So," Woods started. It had been about half an hour since I got back. Park had stitched up the cut on my arm and cleaned the one of my face, applying butterfly tape once the bleeding slowed. Now the entire team was sitting around the living room of the safe house, everyone clearly having something they wanted to say, but not a word was being said. "So…" Woods said again after receiving silence on the first try.

"Is this our only lead?" Hudson asked, holding the message I decoded in his hands. He had shown up about fifteen minutes ago, likely having heard what had happened. 

"Unless you got something new from the supplier," Adler huffed, taking a puff from the cigarette he had in between his lips. Hudson shook his head. "Then, yes." It was clear by now that our only lead on Perseus was the address I had been given, the one I nearly betrayed my entire team for. Currently, I was sitting on the couch, feeling nervous again. Hudson looked over to me briefly, then he looked to Adler and Park. 

"What do you suggest we do?" he asked them. "Should we move in on the hotel?" Park shook her head, 

"If they were able to spot Zasha from the plaza beside it, there's no way we could get a team in there unnoticed." I felt myself look down at the ground. 

"And we have no idea what it looks like inside," Adler added. 

"Fuck," Hudson muttered angrily, putting down the piece of paper in his hands as he looked over at me, "And this woman, the one that recognized you, what's your connection?" 

"She's a cryptographer. When I met her, she was working with the KGB, but Perseus must have had her replace me after…" I trailed off. 

"You must have worked closely with her. What about a personal connection?" Hudson pried.

"I don't know. We might have been friends, but I only really have one memory of her." 

"Do we have a full name yet?" Hudson asked, now looking at Park. She shook her head, making Hudson sigh. Silence fell over the room again. A second later, I glanced back up from the floor,

"I could always go back…" I suggested, my voice quiet. All heads turned to look at me. "I could go in with a bug or a tracker or something so you would be able to know-."

"No," Park was quick to interrupt me. "Not a chance." 

"But-" 

"We don't know what they would do to you." 

"They won't kill me," I argued. "They think I'm still under your control. The best move for them would be to try and get me to realize I'm not Bell so that I will give up information."

"We don't know that," Park said. I stood up from the couch, getting ready to argue some more, but Adler interrupted me,

"I'm with Park here, kid," he said. "That's too risky." I crossed my arms over my chest. 

"So you'd rather do nothing?! I can help!" 

"Getting yourself killed helps no one," Adler said, his tone harsh, indicating that there would be no arguing. I huffed and sat back down on the couch. "Now, if we could get our hands on someone who knew what it looked like in there, what their goal is here with you, then we could reconsider." 

"How do you expect to do that?" Lazar asked. Adler shook his head; he had no clue. The looks on everyone else's face implied that they didn't know either. 

I put my head in my hands, my elbows propped up on my knees. I knew I had done the right thing by coming back, but a part of me was still wishing I had just gone in; at least that way, we would be getting somewhere. I sighed, trying to think of a way that could get us to someone who knew what was going on in that hotel. In the back of my head, I could hear the echo of the voice from the man who had been following me.

_ "We'll be waiting for you." _ An idea started to form in my brain, one I didn't like, but it had potential. I lifted my head up,

"I've got it," I announced. Everyone looked at me. "They think that they have gotten into my head already. They are expecting me to eventually cave and go back, right?" A few heads nodded. "We also know that if I go back to that plaza and turn around again, they will likely send someone after me, trying to see where I will go." 

"What are you getting at?" Park interrupted. 

"I could pretend that I don't know I'm being followed, purposely leading this person to someplace else, a place where you all would be ready."

"They won't fall for that," Adler said, shaking his head. "You already showed up once and caught the person tailing you. If you show up and leave again, they'll know something is up." I bit the inside of my cheek, really wishing I didn't have the next thought that crossed my brain. 

"Not if  _ Bell  _ has no choice but to leave," I said quietly. I saw Park's eyes go wide as she put together what I was implying, but I could see the confused look on a few of the others. "If I'm still pretending to believe I am Bell and I go back, fully prepared to go in this time, but a certain someone catches me wandering off... All it would take is a simple phrase to bring them back in line." I saw Hudson nodding along as I talked, 

"That could work. With the programming, Bell wouldn't even remember what they had been doing, right Park?" Park nodded, although I could tell she didn't like this plan already. 

"And I would have no reason to suspect we're being tailed," Adler added, a slight grin on his face as he pondered the thought. 

"One problem," Lazar cut in. He looked at me, worry in his eyes, "They will be listening to the two of you as well, and they know the phrase we use, meaning Alder will have to actually say the words."

"So?" I asked, crossing my arms again. "It's not like I really do still think I'm Bell."

"Exactly," Mason cut in. "You _ aren't Bell  _ anymore, Zasha. Twice now, Adler has tried to say the phrase, and both times the side effects of you resisting overwhelmed you."

"I can handle it," I tried to sound confident. "Besides, even if it did trigger an episode, would it not just further convince the Russians to think I'm not in control? Did Bell react positively every single time you said the phrase?" 

"They did when we injected you with the stimulants," Sims said, sounding half amused.

"Now that really would help convince the Russians…" Woods murmured, nodding along. Park shook her head, looking annoyed.

"I can't believe I actually have to say this," she said. "But we  _ are not _ going to be drugging Zasha!" 

"Why not?" I protested. "I'd consent to it!" Park shot me a glare that made it very clear that it was out of the question. "I mean, no!" I stuttered. "You can't drug me. Drugs are bad…" Park put a hand on her face with a loud sigh. "Look, I get it," I went on a second later. "This is a _ terrible idea, _ but as it stands, it's our _ only idea _ ." 

"You'd really be willing to do this?" Adler asked. "Put yourself under that kind of distress?" I nodded, trying not to put too much thought towards the concern I heard in his voice.

"If it gets us to Perseus," I replied. For a second, no one said anything. I looked over to Park, who was now pacing the living room. "I can do it," I said. "We'll make sure to pack pickle juice." This made Woods and Mason chuckle while Park simply shook her head. 

"No one else has any ideas?" she asked a second later.

"Well, if we really wanted to confuse them," Woods started. "I say we send Mason in there!" Everyone glared at him except Mason, who laughed. 

"Alright," Park finally said. "Zasha's plan it is. We'll do it tomorrow." She started listing off a plan to get everything in order and assigning different tasks to everyone. Everyone slowly took off, each to do their respective assignment until it was just me left. 

"What do you want me to do?" I asked Park, nervously fiddling with my fingers. 

"Relax. Get some rest," Park responded, turning around. 

"What?! No, I can help!" I protested. Park spun around, folding her arms, 

"You want a job?" I nodded. "Fine. Why don't you stay by the radio in case they try to send out another message." 

"You just want me to sit and wait?" 

"Maybe you can get some rest while you do," Park said with a wink before leaving the room. I sighed, flopping myself onto the couch. The last thing I wanted to do was sit and wait. Sitting and waiting would only result in my thoughts wandering freely. Given the situation I was going to be putting myself in, I did not need to give my brain any time to think about it.

I ran a hand through my hair, wondering what I could do to occupy myself. As I did, I noticed that somehow I had accumulated quite a bit of dirt and blood in it. The last time I showered was before we went out to the Eastside, and although it was only the night before, it felt like a lifetime ago. The safe house was quiet; the majority of people were gone already or getting ready to leave, so I decided a shower sounded nice.

The water burned against my newly acquired wounds as I carefully tried to wash my hair, working around the stitches on the back of my head from a few nights prior. I looked down, feeling a frown grow on my face as I looked at the scar left from the gunshot wound. It still looked incredibly fresh; I could practically still see the blood gushing out of it after he had shot me. Gently, I ran my fingers across the scar, recalling the smell of the arctic ocean waters of that place. I put my head against the shower wall, trying to rid the memory. I didn't need to be thinking about that, not when I needed to put complete trust in Adler tomorrow. 

I shut the water off before my mind went any further. 

I changed into fresh clothes and made my way towards the kitchen where the radio still was. I knew the chances of another message being sent out were very small and that Park wasn't serious when she told me to stay by it, but I still felt obligated.

Lazar was sitting at the table when I walked in, his face buried in a giant map of the city; I could tell he was trying to create us a path for tomorrow, planning where we were going to lead whoever they sent after us. When he saw me walk in, he set down the map. 

"If you are going to say something along the lines of me needing to be careful or that you're worried, I don't want to hear it," I quickly said before he had the chance to speak. He grinned a little,

"You read minds now?" he laughed. I shrugged. "Really though, I am worried." 

"Me too," I said, sitting down across from him. 

"Tomorrow, after you- once we have the guy secure, I'll be giving you a ride back here." My eyes narrowed, 

"But-" 

"You won't want to be there for that. Besides, if you feel, you know, here is a better place." 

"Fine," I agreed. 

"Plus! We'll have this place all to ourselves!" Lazar exclaimed, trying to sound excited. "You know, I did find a box of mystery VHS tapes in one of the closets here. We could watch them!" I rolled my eyes,

"You do realize we are in an MI6 safe house and that footage is likely just some surveillance video?" 

"I guess we'll find out!" I shook my head, suppressing the slight grin I felt on the corner of my lips. Lazar laughed again and picked the map back up. A minute later, he grabbed a pen and circled a location. "I've got to get this to Park," he said, standing up. He made his way towards the door but stopped himself on the way out. "You don't have to do this, you know?" he said, his tone now serious. "You  _ do  _ have a choice here, Zed." I nodded.

"I know." I offered him a smile. He nodded. 

"Maybe try and get some rest, though?" he suggested. I laughed a little.

"You sound like Park," I teased. Lazar shrugged,

"What can I say?" he said. "She's a smart lady." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you are enjoying the fic so far, if you are, don't forget to leave a kudos or a comment, I would love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Expect the next chapter in 2 days, it is going to be a good one...


	23. Chapter 23

_ "Happy Birthday!" a cheery voice exclaims. I am back in my home, back in Russia. It looks the cleanest I have seen it, everything looking vibrant and full of life. "I made this all by myself!" Dedov proclaims, setting down a cake in front of me. He is young again, the number scribbled on the cake indicating I myself was turning eleven.  _

_ "Oh, yes," a woman's voice says. She plants a kiss on the top of my head, "All by himself…" she says with a grin. I smile with her, noticing the paleness of her face, the trembling of her hands. _

_ "You didn't have to," I hear myself say, sounding worried.  _

_ "Nonsense," she says, a reassuring smile on her face that could almost convince you she wasn't sick. "Now, Dedov and I have a big day planned for you, right Dedov?" Dedov claps his hands together in excitement.  _

_ "Ma said we could go to the theatre!"  _

_ The scene shifts, and my mother disappears. The house has aged, the inside looking much darker than it had before.  _

_ "Hey Zasha," Dedov says, walking into the kitchen where I sit. He is older as well, likely in his early teens. He hands me an envelope and sets a small box in front of me. "One from Pa, one from me," he grins. I shake my head, _

_ "You didn't have to get me anything…"  _

_ "Of course I did! It's your birthday!" he exclaims, sliding the box closer to me. I undo the bow on the top, opening the box to find a small drawing pad and a small box of drawing pencils. A grin grows on my face, and I reach over the table to pull him into a tight hug. "Yeah, yeah," he mutters, pushing himself out of the hug and quickly fixing his hair. "The other one?" I look down at the envelope from my father. I already knew what it would say, that he was sorry for not being here and that he would come home soon, similar to the letter we got at Christmas. I sigh,  _

_ "We can open it later," I ruffle his hair, laughing as he pushes me away and tries to fix his hair again. "C'mon, what do you think they're showing today at the theatre?"  _

_ The scene changes once more as the table in front of me turns into a desk. I am working on decoding a message that we had intercepted that was proving to be much more challenging than I had expected. Someone walks into the room and places something beside me—a cupcake. _

_ "What's this?" I ask, spinning around in my chair. _

_ "It's your birthday," Portnova says with a grin. "Is it not?" I glance over to the calendar on the wall noticing it is May 2nd, _

_ "Huh. I guess it is," I mutter. "Wait, how did you know that?"  _

_ "I read it in your file a while back."  _

_ "And you remembered?!" I'm not sure why, but I feel slightly embarrassed.  _

_ "Of course!" She smiles at me, and I feel my cheeks heat up a little. _

_ "Wow… T-thanks," I stutter, looking back at the cupcake on my desk, then to the message I was working on. "I s-should probably get back to this…" Instead of leaving, she pulls a chair up to my desk, a smile still on her face, _

_ "Why don't I see if I can help?"  _

I wake up to a beam of light shining directly onto my face. I blink a few times, briefly recalling falling asleep on the couch last night. In the kitchen, I could already smell a pot of coffee, and I rolled myself off the couch, carefully avoiding Sims, who was fast asleep on the floor. Park, Lazar, and Adler are already in the kitchen, the papers on the table indicating to me that they were going over the plan for today. 

"Morning," Park greets me. I nod and go to pour myself a cup of coffee, grabbing my sketchbook from the counter as well. 

"Don't suppose you know what day it is?" I ask, sitting down at the table. 

"Like the actual date?" Lazar asks. I nod. "I think it's the second." 

"Of May?" my voice falters a little as I ask.

"Yeah. Why?" He looks curious. I shake my head, trying to hide the ache that grew in my chest,

"No reason…" I take a sip of my coffee, hoping they would drop the subject. I see Park raise her eyebrows. "Just, it feels like a lifetime ago since…" I trailed off. Adler nods his head, 

"I'm with you there, kid," he says, picking up his mug of coffee. 

"Well," Park started before an awkward silence fell upon the room. "Now that you are both awake let's go over the plan again one more time." 

Two hours later, Adler and I were sitting on some tall stools at the front of a small cafe, about a block away from the hotel plaza. We had brought some random papers with us that we scattered across the table, making it look like we were working. Alder was pretending to read something out of a file folder while I absentmindedly doodled on the papers in front of me, nervously glancing towards the clock every thirty seconds. 

"We still have a few minutes," Adler muttered, having noticed my nervous glancing. 

"Right," I responded, looking back down. 

"Are you sure you're up for this?" 

"Yeah, yeah. No, I'm good." I could see Adler raise his eyebrows under his sunglasses. 

"Really?" 

"Really!" I awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck. "Besides, everyone worked hard to get this plan in motion, so…" 

"Well, they aren't the ones who will have to deal with the side effects of the phrase." 

"Hang on a second," I felt a small grin on my face. "Are you, _ Russel Adler, _ worried about  _ me? _ " I teased.

"I'm worried this mission will fail if you can't handle it," he snapped back, clearly not appreciating my humour. My eyes went wide. 

"Right," I muttered, my tone no longer joking. "Only ever worried about the mission." I looked back at the clock on the wall. It was almost time to go. I started packing the papers in front of me back into a bag. I heard Alder sigh,

"I'm sorry," he said a second later. "That was harsh." I stopped what I was doing, looking back at him. I was fairly certain that was the first time I had heard him use those words in that specific order the entire time I had known him. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all, but this team does need you, Zasha. You're one of us. Of course I'm worried." I felt a grin spread across my face. "What?" 

"You called me Zasha," I said, still grinning. 

"Is that not your name?" he asked, crossing his arms, clearly not wanting to make a big deal about the fact that he had just used my real name for the first time.

"No, yeah, it is," I laughed a little bit, zipping up my backpack. "Thank you." He nodded, and I stood up from the table, swinging the backpack around my shoulders. "Now. Let's go see if your stupid voice can make me pass out today." I thought I heard Adler chuckle.

"Right behind you." 

I opened the door to the cafe, the brisk spring morning air hitting me in the face. I took a second to breathe it in before continuing down towards the plaza. As I walked, I tried my best to put on a look that would have displayed what Bell would be feeling as they did this. We really needed this to look and sound convincing; if I didn't look like I was questioning my entire existence and my own memories, it would give us away fast. I was starting to regret laughing at Lazar when he offered me acting tips the night before. 

I decided to pick up the pace; looking like I was in a hurry would definitely be a good start. When I got to the plaza, where I was sure they would be watching me, I started pushing past the other people in the crowd, making my way towards the hotel, the piece of paper with the address clutched in my hands. When I was close to it, I stopped, dead in my tracks. I forced my hands to appear shaky as I looked down at the paper in my hands, then looked all the way up the hotel building, biting my lip. I kept one eye on the reflection of the plaza in the windows of the hotel, watching for Adler. When I saw him, I looked back down at the paper, took a deep breath, and started walking again. 

"Bell!" Adler's voice cut through the plaza. I stopped dead in my tracks, looking back up at the hotel. "Bell, what are you doing?!" I quickly shoved the paper back into my pocket, still looking in front of me. "Bell?" Alder jogged up to me and put a hand on my shoulder. I turned my gaze to him.

"I thought I saw-" I started, recalling the script we had rehearsed. 

"You can't just wander off like that, Bell," Adler scolded. He looked me right in the eye. "We've got a job to do." Instantly the ringing was in my ears again; I moved a hand to the side of my head, trying to stop the pain. "Jesus, Bell, how much sleep have you been getting?" Adler went on, his hand still on my shoulder as he turned me away from the hotel. 

"Oh, I-I don't know," I stuttered, trying to fight the pressure that was building in my head. 

"You've been working yourself too hard," Adler said. "Here," he said, handing me the cup of coffee that was in his hands. "I think you need this more than I do." I nodded weakly, trying to mutter a thank you. 

My hands were shaking for real this time as I brought the cup up to my lips. Our plan had told me to expect to find the cup full of pickle juice, so when I took a large sip and found something that definitely was not pickle juice, I nearly choked. Not only was it sour, likely vinegar, but it appeared someone had mixed in something carbonated. Whatever it was, it did a decent job at distracting my brain. I coughed, handing the drink back to Adler as we walked. 

"Isn't it a little early to be mixing that into your coffee?" I asked, trying to improvise a little for whoever we had following us. Adler chuckled,

"Never too early, Bell," he said, going to take a sip of it himself. Given the lack of reaction, I make an assumption that he had been smart enough to fake taking a drink instead of taking a giant gulp like I had. We took a few more steps, now out of the plaza, when I felt my stomach realize what it had just consumed and did a backflip. I brought a hand to my mouth,

"I think I'm going to-," I started. Adler got the message and quickly pulled me aside so that I didn't end up throwing up all over the sidewalk. 

"You okay, Bell?" Adler asked once I had finished vomiting. His voice sounded genuinely concerned. I weakly nodded. He put a hand on my shoulder, helping me get my balance. "Let's get back to the others. We'll let someone else have a turn decoding so you can have a rest." 

"But, I-"

"We need you at your best, Bell." I nodded again, and the two of us kept walking. The ringing in my head was much quieter now somehow, and I tried to focus on my breathing, trusting that Adler would make sure we were walking the right way. I debated asking for another sip of Adlers' ‘coffee' to help try and dull the noise even more, but my stomach was still spinning circles. I wasn't sure if it was Mason or Woods who had filled that mug, but I imagined whichever it had been was going to have a good laugh once we were done here and I made a mental note to kill them. Once the world stopped spinning, of course. "How ya doing, kid?" Adler asked once we had walked a little further. 

"I'll be okay," I murmured. "I hope I won't be slowing us down…" Adler shook his head, 

"We're still on schedule," he said, indicating to me that we did indeed pick up a tail. My plan was actually working. It also meant that they were listening to us. "This reminds me of that time back in Da Nang," Adler said a second later, also well aware of this fact. 

"Oh?" 

"You and Sims went a little too hard on the beverages once we made it back from Fracture Jaw, and the next day I had to haul both of your hungover asses through the jungle!" he laughed. I was fairly certain that the memory he was talking about was not one that I was given, but I saw what he was trying to do. "You remember, right?" 

"Y-yeah," I played along, laughing a little bit. "I remember Sims heaving all over your uniform."

"That he did." Adler laughed again, "The Captain was so pissed, you remember? We didn't have any clean uniforms since we were moving camps, and I had to wear that one for three days!" This time I laughed with him; however, all it did was bring the ringing back to my head. I put a hand back on my head. "Almost there, Bell," Adler told me, putting a hand on my shoulder again. 

Thankfully, Adler was right about us not being far. I wasn't quite sure what location Lazar had picked to be our pretend safe house, but a minute later, we were walking through the door of it. I was pretty sure it was some sort of abandoned storefront. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by Park and Lazar. 

"Zasha!" Park sounded relieved. "How-" 

"I'm okay," I interrupted. "Think I need to sit down." 

"On it," Lazar said, grabbing a chair from the side of the room. I sat down, putting my head in my hands, trying to force the rest of the ringing to stop. A minute later, the door to the fake safe house swung open again. 

"Zasha, you're a fucking genius!" Woods exclaimed, tossing an unconscious man over his shoulder onto the floor.

"We already cleared him of weapons," Mason said, walking in behind Woods. "Smashed the comms piece he had, kept the radio. As requested," he handed Park a small box before walking over to me. "You okay, Zed?" I nodded weakly. 

"What did you put in there?" I asked.

"Just vinegar," he said. I narrowed my eyes, 

"Then what-" I cut myself off as Woods started laughing. Mason and I looked at him.

"I wasn't sure that would be enough!" he exclaimed. "And I still had half of my soda from Burger Town, so I added a little!" 

"Bastard," I muttered, causing him to laugh again.

"C'mon Zed," Lazar interrupted, walking up to me. "Let's get going." 

"Right, yeah," I stood up from my chair, briefly losing my balance. Luckily, Lazar caught me. 

"Trucks' back here," he told me, helping me stand back up. We got into the truck, and he started driving back towards the real safe house. "You alright?" 

"I suppose," I mumbled, my head leaning against the window. Lazar nodded, looking slightly unsure of what to say. We drove for another minute in silence, and I felt myself sigh. "Today's my birthday," I said. Lazar's eyes went wide,

"Why didn't you say anything?!" 

"I only remembered this morning…" 

"Well, alright! Happy birthday!" he exclaimed. “We should stop for food on our way back to celebrate!”

“As long as it’s not more Burger Town…” I laughed a little and shook my head. I looked back out the window, noticing a rather unusual light shining down the street. "Hey, Lazar, do you see-" But before I could finish the sentence, the light disappeared, and a bullet pierced through the windshield.

The bullet went through Lazar's shoulder, resulting in him losing control over the truck. We drifted to the side, the front of the truck crashing directly into a streetlamp. The windshield shattered, raining glass down inside just as the airbags went off, slamming my head with such a force the ringing from before was back, louder than it had ever been. I could taste blood in my mouth. My eyes were heavy as the world around me was spinning. I tried to fumble for the buckle to my seat but had no success. 

"Lazar…?" I choked, looking over at him. He was slumped over the steering wheel, unconscious but still breathing. I think. "Laz-" I tried to say again, wanting to wake him up, when the door beside me swung open. 

"They're here!" a Russian voice yelled, reaching over me to undo the seatbelt. I tried to push the person off of me, but my arms felt incredibly heavy. A second later, someone else came up to me, a syringe in hand,

"N-no," I tried to protest as the needle was pushed into my neck, making everything feel so much heavier. I felt myself being dragged out of the truck. I still tried to fight, trying to get myself out of whoever had a hold of my arms, but my attempts were futile. They tossed me into the back of a van, the slam of the doors sounding louder than a grenade. I tried to crawl towards the door, but I could barely keep myself upright. 

"Relax," a different voice said from beside me. I turned my head towards the voice.

"Y-you-?" I started, seeing Portnova's face beside me. 

"This will all make sense eventually," she said, her voice calm, gentle even. "I promise, Zasha. Have I ever let you down before?" 

I wanted to ask what she meant by that, but when I tried to open my mouth again, my body finally gave in to whatever they injected into me, and the whole world went black.

  
  



	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Just here to say I now have a dedicated Call of Duty Tumblr! I'm doing a little more writing over there if you wanted to check out any other CoD fics by me!
> 
> https://hauer77-and-dream.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter, I'll just apologize in advance for any emotions I may cause.....

_ "We have a job to do," Adler's voice echoes through my head. I am currently standing in a jungle. "Bell," Adler's voice says. I turn around, trying to find him, but there's no one here. It's just me. Above me, the sky starts getting dark, and I start to run, a sense of panic building up in my chest.  _

_ "Hello?!" I call out, tearing through the vines in my way.  _

_ "We've got a job to do," he says again. Somewhere, a bell starts chiming. I spin around again, my breathing rapid.  _

_ There. _

_ There's a door. A red door. That's it. I start running towards it, but suddenly I can't move. The vines from the jungle are wrapped around my feet, slowly climbing up me, suffocating me.  _

_ "Bell," Adler's voice says again. I manage to spin my head around, but instead of seeing Adler, Perseus is in front of me. "We have a job to do," he says in Adler's voice. The vines find their way around my throat, and with one final chime of the bell- _

"Agh-!" I exclaim, waking up from the dream with a gasp for air. It was a dream. Just a dream. I went to try to put a hand on my neck, wanting to ensure that the vines were gone; however, I found that my hands were tied down on the armrests of a chair, and my eyes went wide.

"No, no, no," I started, remembering what had happened. I started struggling against the restraints but to no avail. "Fuck!" Frantically, I looked around the room I was in, trying to make sense of the situation. There were no windows around me, only a mirror on one of the walls that I could only assume someone was watching from the other side. God, I was sick of these types of rooms. 

The chair I was in was cemented to the ground and was the only thing in the entire room other than a second metal chair leaning up against the wall. On the other side of the mirror, I thought I could hear movement, and I cursed again, trying harder than before to somehow rip myself out of the straps around my arms, panic building inside of me. My thoughts were frantic as I tried to think about what to do. Surely I couldn't give it away that I was well aware of my past, not if I wanted to live long enough for my team to come and get me. If my team was even coming… 

"Ah, you're awake!" someone with a thick Russian accent exclaimed as the door to the interrogation room swung open. A man, who I was fairly certain I didn't know, walked in. "I was beginning to worry." I clenched my jaw, deciding that pretending to still be Bell was my best course of action. I curled my hands into fists, trying once more to break myself free.

"Fuck you," I spat in his face. The man only laughed. 

"Such profane language," he chuckled as he went to grab the other chair in the room, spinning it around and placing it in front of me. He sat down backwards in the metal chair. Now that he was in front of me, I could make out more of his face. He had a hood over most of his head, but I noticed that there was a large scar running across the left side of his face, through his eye, making it cloudy. "There used to be a time where you wouldn't even dare speak like that in my presence," he went on. My eyes narrowed,

"I don't know you," I hissed. The man folded his arms over the back of the chair,

"Are you sure?" 

"Don't think I could forget someone with an ugly mug like that," I said with a smirk. He said nothing, although I could see the anger flare in his one working eye. I tried to make myself appear calm, although everything inside of me was panicking as I began to regret my choice of words. Even if they were going to try and get me to realize I wasn't Bell, being a dick to him was not going to help my case. The man in front of me said nothing. "Listen, you can do whatever you want to me, but I am not going to be giving you whatever it is you want." 

"What  _ we _ want from  _ you _ ?" he asked, a slight grin appearing on his face. "Why, Zasha, don't you think it should be the other way around?" 

"Who the fuck is Zasha?!" 

"You!" he said, his tone starting to sound frustrated.

"I hate to break it to you, but you've got the wrong person. I'm not Zasha," I said with a small laugh. 

"Really?" he folded his arms. "Who are you then?" 

"I already told you, I'm not giving you shit." 

"No, wait, you're  _ Bell _ , right?" The way he uttered the word Bell sent a shiver down my spine. I didn't say anything, and the man leant forward in his chair again. "Surely that's not your real name, right? Do you even know what that is?" he asked. "Did they even care enough to give you one?!" he sounded almost angry. 

"You think I'd be stupid enough to tell you?" I said with a small laugh. The man shook his head, 

"Don't you want to know?" 

"Know what?" 

"Who you are!" his voice was getting louder. 

"I know who I am!" I raised my voice to match his.

"Then why would you go to the hotel, to the address we gave you?!" I narrowed my eyes,

"I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Yesterday. And the day before. What were you doing, hm?" 

"I was-" I started but stopped myself, recalling what Hudson had said about Bell forgetting what they were doing if Adler said the phrase. I couldn't let this guy know that I knew who I was, but I couldn't come off as being so sure about everything either, or they would know something was up. I was walking a very confusing and dangerous line. "I was intercepting one of your deliveries," I finally said. 

"That was three days ago." 

"Wha-?" I faltered. A grin grew on the man's face as he saw me starting to question. "I was sick!" I exclaimed, making it sound like I was trying to reassure myself. 

"You don't sound so sure,  _ Bell _ ," he smirked, standing up from his chair. I shook my head, pretending to look as if I had a headache, the type I would get when I heard the phrase.

"That needle you gave me!" I shouted, "What the fuck did you give me?!" 

"We can give you the truth," he said. He looked towards the mirror and gave a small nod, causing an uneasy feeling to grow in my stomach. "Don't you want to know?" 

"I don't want shit from you," I growled. There was a knock on the door, and before he went to open it, the man walked right up to me, forcing a rag into my mouth and tied it at the back of my head, gagging me.

The door opened, and another person walked in. From the pictures I had seen, I knew this man to be the one we had been tracking in the first place. Ingo Beck. He had a small bag in his hands that he promptly set down on the chair. He unzipped the bag and pulled out a small vial followed by a rather large needle. The uneasy feeling I had in my stomach had now returned to full-on panic as I watched him slowly fill up the needle. I tried to protest, but with the gag, any words I tried to say came out muffled.

"Are you sure this will work?" the first man asked, ignoring my muffled protesting. 

"Theoretically," Beck replied. "It would be most effective if we knew more of the specifics on how they did it, but these should be enough to trigger something. We just won't be able to control what that something is," he explained, tapping the needle, looking deep in thought. "Or, alternatively, this could kill them," he decided to add. The other man nodded. 

"Do it," he instructed. Beck nodded and walked up to me, the giant needle in his hands. There was no more hiding any of my panic as I tried to fight against my restraints again, now noticing my legs were tied onto the chair as well, no amount of kicking breaking them. Beck attempted to grab my chin, but I moved my head away, effectively fighting against his grasp.

"This will be easier if you don't resist," the other man said. I tried to curse at him through the gag, and he sighed, taking a few steps closer to me as well. He walked around the chair I was sitting in, put one of his hands against my forehead, and put his other arm over my neck, forcing my head to stop moving. When I tried to keep struggling against the arm and leg restraints, he began to press down on my neck, slowly cutting off my airflow. 

Beck put one of his hands around one of my eyes, getting ready to inject the needle, despite my muffled protesting. My entire body stiffened as he plunged the needle through my eye, and I cried out in pain as it pushed further and further into my head. It was excruciating. 

"There," Beck said a second later, slowly pulling the needle out. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" he asked me. I tried my best to growl at him through the gag. The other man slowly let go of my head, which immediately slumped over as the entire world started to spin. "Now," Beck said, walking back over to his bag. "All we need to do is this," I saw him pull out a small device with a tape in it. He pressed the button on the side, and suddenly, Adler's voice filled the room. 

"Bell," the tape started. "We've got a job to do." 

The world around me went black. 

_ I am no longer tied down to a chair but rather standing in this world of black. For some reason, I feel calm. I start walking through the black abyss, wondering if I really was dead.  _

_ "We've got a job to do," Adler's voice booms somewhere overhead. I glance up, trying to find it, and when I look back down, I am back in the lab. At least the setup of the lab. The black abyss surrounds it all. The T.V, the cart with all the meds, and the chair are staring at me. _

_ Something told me I need to sit down in the chair. So I do.  _

_ Instantly, the straps shoot up, wrapping themselves around my arms. I try to pull against them, but the chair lurches forward, sending me right through the window to the lab.  _

_ "The subject's programming is beginning to take hold," Park's voice says.  _

_ "We've got a job to do." _

_ The chair transforms, turning into my desk chair back at one of Persues' safe houses.  _

_ "Good work, Kripto," Perseus says. I turn my head to try and find him, but this time I see Adler. There's a gun in his hands.  _

_ "It was never personal," he says. _

_ "No-!" I try to cry out, but the gun fires, piercing through my stomach. I fall to the ground clutching my wound. I glance back up, trying to find Adler again, but suddenly the lab is back. "N-no," I plead, looking back down as if somehow that would make it stop.  _

_ "Where's Perseus?!" Adler's voice shouts. I look back up to see an interrogation room; somehow, I am now tied up again in one of those chairs. "I need the truth!" Adler yells, grabbing my hair and slamming my head forward into the table.  _

_ A bell chimes, and this time when I look up, I'm back in Vietnam. It is starting to feel like I can't breathe. I fall down to my knees, wishing everything would just stop. _

_ "What's the matter, kid?" Adler's voice says again. He crouches down in front of me and holds out a hand. However, instead of helping me up, he grabs the back of my head again, forcing my head forward, through the ground, starting me in freefall through the black abyss. Yet somehow, I can still hear his voice. _

_ "Bell. We've got a job to do."  _


End file.
